LonelyJay
New member
Hello, I'm 47 and married with two disabled children. This will likely be all over the place but I don't get many opportunities to talk to others.
I don't have any friends and provide 24 hour care for my disabled son. My wife and I have been married for over a decade but we have been trudging along in a loveless marriage for so long I don't remember a time we were normal with each other. Having a severely disabled child and a second, less severely impacted, child has certainly taken its toll, but years of mental and verbal abuse on her end wasn't much help either.
She recently got diagnosed with mental illnesses which have only made things more difficult. It has relaxed much of the abuse but her emotions can be quite erratic with the new medications. She has friends and maybe more (I don't ask questions) and goes out quite often getting a reprieve from our daily lives.
I do not work outside the home and have tried to go out for me time, but usually get a lot of grief about it so it tends to be very infrequent.
Some may ask, "why have you not divorced?" Many nights I lay awake asking myself the same thing because I miss companionship and being able to talk to someone, but the needs of my children have kept me where I am at. I have even thought about trying an affair, but a married guy with two disabled kids at 47 is not exactly a hot selling point. Plus, there are moral consternation I have with it, even if my marriage has been one for years. What do others do to combat the loneliness? Are there ways to replace the missing affection and love?
I am extremely apprehensive to send this out into the world as I am a fighter and never like to feel vulnerable, let alone reveal it. I just cant stand the constant ache of loneliness and hope to at least hear from others on ways to feel less lonely. Hell, even knowing I am not alone in my daily battle will be something, since right now, I feel like no one else could possibly be experiencing a similar situation.
I don't have any friends and provide 24 hour care for my disabled son. My wife and I have been married for over a decade but we have been trudging along in a loveless marriage for so long I don't remember a time we were normal with each other. Having a severely disabled child and a second, less severely impacted, child has certainly taken its toll, but years of mental and verbal abuse on her end wasn't much help either.
She recently got diagnosed with mental illnesses which have only made things more difficult. It has relaxed much of the abuse but her emotions can be quite erratic with the new medications. She has friends and maybe more (I don't ask questions) and goes out quite often getting a reprieve from our daily lives.
I do not work outside the home and have tried to go out for me time, but usually get a lot of grief about it so it tends to be very infrequent.
Some may ask, "why have you not divorced?" Many nights I lay awake asking myself the same thing because I miss companionship and being able to talk to someone, but the needs of my children have kept me where I am at. I have even thought about trying an affair, but a married guy with two disabled kids at 47 is not exactly a hot selling point. Plus, there are moral consternation I have with it, even if my marriage has been one for years. What do others do to combat the loneliness? Are there ways to replace the missing affection and love?
I am extremely apprehensive to send this out into the world as I am a fighter and never like to feel vulnerable, let alone reveal it. I just cant stand the constant ache of loneliness and hope to at least hear from others on ways to feel less lonely. Hell, even knowing I am not alone in my daily battle will be something, since right now, I feel like no one else could possibly be experiencing a similar situation.
thanks for the introduction. I hate making myself "vulnerable" so I do understand how difficult it can be writing it out. Those two boys are blessed to have you as a father, you sound like a good guy. What help me is finding something for some me-time. It has to be something totally disconnected from your work/family life. I started by taking two evenings a week and go to a gym 
or out for a jog or visit a Library
As someone once told me, be your best friend. What would your best friend suggest? I had hit a point where I felt in a trap, and the only person to get me out of the trap was me. Getting out from four walls brought me back in control. How does it help from being lonely... well, one time out on a jog 
, a guy gave me the thumbs up! Boom 
connection with another ... I am not invisible. Simple little thing but all that I really needed. 
