Are online friends worth the drama?

[Arsenic Queen]

I have to admit to being unconvinced by the whole virtual hug thing, the act itself is ok but the use seems superficial at the best of times:

Person 1: I’m depressed, I lost my job, my partner and I’m homeless, I have no idea what to do and feel like I’m on the edge.
Person 2: <hug>
Person 1: Yay I’m cured.

Seriously? I know a hug can be comforting but it seems like a lot of people (not necessarily on here) make up problems just for the attention of getting one of these hugs. Its kind of insulting to those who really do have them.

Sometimes though, people don't fake their problems, but rather fake the "Yay I'm cured". They are not really cured, but say it just as some sort of appreciation of Person 2's intention.

A virtual hug will never-ever replace a real one. Especially not in times of suffering, when comfort becomes necessary to one's emotional well-being.

Comfort is a need that comes from the heart. Words on a screen speak to the mind. See the gap? Our hearts certainly see the gap, as there's more and more people in depressions as the internet becomes more and more popular.

The internet makes you want to hug and hang out with people you can't touch.

 

[jjam]

Eventually it became obvious she was using me to boost her ego, playing games with me because she knew I liked her. She never listened to my problems, if anything came up she would change subject straight away, this person doesn't know the meaning of empathy.

Oh good lord! How many such people I've run into over the years! That's not a friend at all, and you are right, she was just using you. The crush she said she had on you was really nothing of the sort, but instead her happiness at having found someone she could dump all her stuff on while shutting out all your stuff.

I've trimmed a several such people off my online contacts this last year because everything we talked about was just their stuff, their issues, their opinions, their views, and any time I tried to talk about my stuff they just ignored me and went on about their stuff endlessly, changing the subject back to that whenever I tried to share anything about what I was going through.

Such people are very self-absorbed and self-centered, and when they show themselves as such the very best thing you can do is disconnect instantly. They are not capable of friendship at all and you will get nothing from the relationship. It's a one way street and will only make your loneliness worse as they exploit you.

---

The drama is never worth it, online or irl friends especially when it's all one sided. I knew a girl in high school that would always ask you what was wrong. If you told her, nothing, she'd bug you until you told her. No matter what it was she was always able to turn things around, and make it about her and how she's so much worse off. So I know how you feel there.

Like Vagrant said those people are everywhere. You either just learn to deal with them or walk away. Sometimes it's better to walk away. Taking it all on and not having anything reciprocated isn't good for you. If someone wants to cry on your shoulder they have to be willing to let you cry on theirs too. If they don't they aren't real friends to begin with and not worth your time. Like you mentioned, they just want to use you.

I totally agree with you in this! Very well said! If it's not a two-way street there is nothing in it for you and you are just being used, and Vagrant is right, these people are just everywhere. They make finding someone you can have a genuine two-way exchange with a most precious and rare social experience. In my experience it's far better to walk away than attempt dealing with them because it's a one-way street in the first place, and the burden of dealing with them is entirely on you. They are self-absorbed narcissists and are NEVER going to change.

BTW, they actively seek out those they see as lonely as willing receptacles for their endless dumping of their stuff, so if you are socially disconnected your are their prime target.

---

It's easy to take on that attitude. She is using me, he is using me. She's not doing to me as I'd do to her. This is one way. If I can't lean on him, then why should I let him lean on me? Things only get worse from there for you, for them, for everyone, for these selfish gestures are contagious! People get burned and learn how to burn or how to not get burned. Although the latter may sound harmless, it is. That SELF defense is not love. It is not SELFLESS. Demonstrating that defense does not inspire love. This is the wrong attitude, and is having a negative impact on our world.
My opinion, of course.

Strive to spread love without having a drop of concern about it being reciprocated.

 

[Taylormeister]

Yeah the internet isn't always the best place. I have been in similar situations and learned that people tend to be a little selfish. They love to talk about themselves but when you have something to say it's kind of like whatever.. it's all about me me me me me and my needs. When I look at this so called person as my friend sometimes I just think to myself, shut the f up.. im tired of listening to this crap and have my own issues.

 

[Kevj]

No, I think it is a good question to ask in fact. The online people we know are often best referred to as "email pals" or "messaging pals", but they need not be real-life friends if we never really meet them ever in real life. The problem is even more obvious when the 'friends' we know online are more often than not people whom we might never really meet in real life at all, or who might not want to meet us owing to their own lives which they have to handle. The online world is largely a world to escape to for most people when they get really bored with their own personal lives. Don't get me wrong here. It is PERFECTLY POSSIBLE to know friends online first and then grow the friendship(s) over time just like any other friendship or relationship in real life, but without real face-to-face interaction, there can be a lot of hiding behind the screen, and also, the propensity for people to show whatever they want to show only just like in real life or even more so. The challenge of making online friends, especially those whom you might perceive yourself to get along with is whether they are willing to meet up with you once you are in their area of town or they in yours. Those who constantly push you off obviously have something to hide and if not, they are just not worth it, because they are not real friends to begin with.