At a dead end.

[Valince]

I'm losing myself.

 

[jjam]

[video=youtube]

 

[Nolife Princess]

I'm losing myself.

Well, grab back on! take the bull by the horns... and find a different/better way to go!
There is ALWAYS a way... always!

 

[blackdot]

A lot of us are losing ourselves.
I went to work today and really felt like things were ending. It was really weird but it was like my life has been a movie and they were finalizing everything and about to show the credits.
It really felt empty.

 

[blackdot]

And now tonight I'm feeling the same losing feeling. It's starting to happen more and more often.
I get hit in the stomach with the realization that life left me behind and it's too late to catch the bus and that there won't be another bus behind that one to pick up any stragglers.

And as the bus is pulling away I can see everyone on it laughing at me though the back window.

 

[Valince]

I'm losing myself.

Well, grab back on! take the bull by the horns... and find a different/better way to go!
There is ALWAYS a way... always!

Not when no single way works at all...

 

[Harkat]

I'm losing myself.

In what sense?

 

[Valince]

Losing interest in everything as there is no point.
I even have trouble expressing my thoughts.
I just sleep my days away now..getting incredibly exhausted

 

[Harkat]

Oh
Does stuff make sense? or not at all and perfectly at the same time?

 

[In a lonely place]

You have to keep fighting. Never give in.

 

[Valince]

I stopped fighting and I gave in. Do not tell me things will get better because this is indisputable. My whole life is ahead of me, but it's pretty much done for. I'm just waiting for my time to die.

 

[Ak5]

I'm not going to tell you things are going to get better. You gave up, things will not get better, that is indisputable.

On the other hand, why did you give up? Aside from depression.

 

[Valince]

Because nothing I try will work.

 

[Jacob]

Any interests? Music? Sports? Maybe try something new? Get engaged in something I try to but I have problems that hold me back

 

[Ak5]

Because nothing I try will work.

Mind listing everything you've tried? lol.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Hey, Valince...

 

[Valince]

@Jacob - Very few. I'm a gamer but I'm from the 80s and 90's generation and separated myself from it when RPGs fell off as being the premier genre in gaming. I'm not into FPS or any of this "new" stuff now. I don't wont watch TV at all because..well I'll keep it to myself because I've gotten into a few arguements over the reason, and to this day I still don't understand why those involved got so uptight over it.. Hint: I don't support the image of women being displayed as weak beings. I am a poet..well a retired poet, I have written I think 51 since 2009.. The worst form of rejection is when a poem you write to someone you really like, never gives you a response. I don't play sports, but I'm a football/baseball(especially baseball..) fan. And well wrestling too, but the sport aspect of it, rather than the entertainment/gimmicky aspect of it. A former writer..I wrote about 7 short stories..I tried starting over, and so far I have just the cover writing. It's been about 10 yrs since I last wrote.. Because of the nature of today's music, there is only one form of music I listen to now and that video game OSTs.

@ak5 - Trying to make friends, is one big one. And I FAILED REALLY HARD AT THAT. I seem to attract those who couldn't hold a conversation if their lives depended on it. To get over my previous ex, I pulled myself away from any place online where she is known to go. I got rid of pictures, other things. I don't talk to her. Advice given to me by my mom, and some advice I read online.. While I don't blame her for anything, there is the overwhelming feeling that my life is done for. And the one guy I can be myself to, at work, is being an ass over stupid crap, and we often don't talk for days.

I started focusing more and more on my work, than pointlessly trying to re-invent myself, and I deactivated my useless facebook page. I downloaded lots of stuff to help me occupy this maddening amount of lonely ass free time that I have. All the while, wishing for and mourning over a life that is gone. I felt I needed to "clean" my image, so I had been practicing getting rid of my habit of swearing. No one notices, no one cares, it's not benefitting me at all. From all this, I start coming to a lot of conclusions.. First of all, after talking with my mom, as well as the incident with the poem, I am in short - an unrealistic thinker. I've pretty much been told that sex is the way to go, and the whole love and romance mentality is stupid. I've even been told I just need to get laid. That wont help, and I can't have sex casually because my mind doesn't work that way. I can only do it, if I feel that way about the girl in question and no, I will not do it if I feel lust and I DO know the difference between love and lust. I don't think about sex, that is farther away from me, than the total distance between the Sun and Pluto. Doing it like it means nothing like "every one else" because "it's a human thing" will not help me, but make me feel worse. When I tell myself on some days that it's time to let this go, and just live life and not care because NOTHING WILL CHANGE, my tiny desire to prove myself wrong kicks in, and then...I fail again..

@TropicalStarfish - *waves*

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

And now tonight I'm feeling the same losing feeling. It's starting to happen more and more often.
I get hit in the stomach with the realization that life left me behind and it's too late to catch the bus and that there won't be another bus behind that one to pick up any stragglers.

And as the bus is pulling away I can see everyone on it laughing at me though the back window.

Blackdot, you really need to stop being so hard on yourself about everything.

It's something I'm completely guilty of myself. But it's not healthy!

I get the impression you construct a lot of this hostility from others in your mind - I'm sure you're not unlovable and I'm equally certain that no one is laughing at you, though it may feel like it when lonely.

Have you looked up non-website methods of dating, for instance? Perhaps if using sites like that isn't working out for you, you should change your angle of approach.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You didn't get this way overnight..

Ive painted myself into a conner before...
It finally darn on me.....fresia it.
Ill walk on the wet paint..
The wotld didnt end. The sky didnt fall.
I didnt die. It was actually FREEING.

This part isnt a metaphor or analogy.
Someone suggested i hug a tree...
Im not a tree hugger and that's abiut as stupid of
An ideal if had ever heard. Crazy people bug trees.

---

Oneday....i actually decide to hug a tree. I felt
Like a wack job anuway...

In the procesz of hugging s tree for the fitst time..
I notice my mind and body kind of went into shock.
Fear overcame me. Tboughts of what people might
Think about me raced across my mind.
My heat beat faster. I had sweats. My breathing
Became irregular...
Well...the sky didnt fall. I wasnt banish to hell..
I had an awakening...All the old stupid ideas
I had in my head was that..fucken retarded.
Ideas i got from other people, places and things
Throughout my life time.

 

[blackdot]

TheSolitaryMan: i don't know any non-website ways to find a date.

I don't feel any hostility from anyone. I just have no clue how the whole social world works.