The cause of depression must be very hard to pinpoint and require a lot of honest soul searching. The easy answer is often 'I want someone in my life and then I will feel better' but I think often there are other elements of peoples lives that need to change as well. People with active independent lives can happily exist single and often choose to. While looking to meet someone I would also address other aspects of your life too which to be fair you seem to be doing in your responses.
You do seem very lost at the moment and reading your comments I think you need to work out where the issues lie that are most making you unhappy. Go for a walk to do this, go somewhere quiet a park take a sit down in the sun, but definitely a change of scenery where the props of your current life do not impact you so that its just you and your thoughts. I think this helps gain a bit of perspective, sitting in my bedroom I know personally never does me much good, I don't think I just fester. Take your time if you don't form a plan the first time go back again until you start to see the way forward a little more clearly.
Looking at some of what you have said, do you write purely for personal pleasure or do you need validation from others to say 'I really like this, what you have wrote is worthwhile'? Poetry, I feel is undervalued culturally these days, given the literary capability of your average person I don't think they can form a view or express whether they see it as worthwhile or not. I wouldn't take this as a criticism of what you write, if someone asked me whether a poem was well written, I wouldn't be confident enough to give an honest answer!
Your views on relationships and sex are not abnormal, they may appear a little old fashioned to some in this permissive society but many people will value how you view the opposite sex and your own sensitivity. I will be honest every time I have slept with someone for the first time, its scared the hell out of me and its something I think I will always have to get over. The expectation to rush into things is for me a hurdle to get over and I prefer to get to know someone as long as possible before jumping into bed and sadly it normally involves a few drinks beforehand for no other reason than I am insecure. Its not abnormal to want to feel something for someone before sleeping with them, many people will still insist on marriage even. There’s no right or wrong. I think if you meet someone worthwhile you can express how you feel and say you'd like to take things slow and to be honest I’m sure a lot of women would thank you for it. That’s always been my preferred approach and no one has thought I'm weird (that I'm aware of!). It just takes a bit of honesty and swallowing of pride.
Lastly remember you are trying to make your life better, not perfect that doesn't exist there will be set backs but if you keep pushing forward you will look back in a few months and see that you have gone someway forward from where you started. Those are my thoughts anyway. I hope you make some progress.
