Attracting Love

[Peaches]

From a book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay:

You might examine what may be keeping love away. Could it be criticism? Feelings of unworthiness? Unreasonable standards? Movie star images? Fear of intimacy? A belief that you are unlovable?

Be ready for love when it does come. Prepare the field and be ready to nourish love. Be loving, and you will be lovable. Be open and receptive to love.

What do you think?

I kinda agree with most of what she said above. I've always felt that when loves comes when you least expect it, it usually means something. I'm not sure I quite believe in love at first sight, but I suppose it's not impossible.

At this point in my life, I'm not quite sure if I've experienced real love or if I will ever know what real love is. How can any of us know when we've not really anything to base it on?

Beautiful quote, thing is, the belief of being unlovable, one can rationalize that it is not true but when one hasn't really been loved much it is not easy to imagine how one can be lovable, or if that is ever possible.
I like what she says at the end, be loving and you will become lovable, not sure if that works that way, at least for me. It works for you

 

[el Jay]

I never seem to attract people in general, but I also have no luck when searching. So I'm screwed either way, it seems.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Most people I meet seem to be living in some fake little world of happiness, where they refuse to acknowledge anything negative, no matter how small or true it is. When I try to elaborate on this concept with other people they think I'm crazy.

You're not crazy. This was what I've been trying to keep to after my first relationship.. and when I did acknowledge issues in my next one.. it does make you realise how people tend to be in denial when you try to surface it. I think it's human nature.. or they can't or don't want to deal with the matters brought up. And when that happens... it doesn't end well.

At least I tried to be reasonable.. and honest. I think that's one of the most important thing in a relationship, honesty and openness.

Well yes. Not every person can provide/demand what I need/have to offer. Emotionally, physically, socially, financially. I've been there and I know it doesn't end well.

Yeah...... I gotta agree with this. Unfortunately. :\

Yeah you got it, you can't expect to find love with everyone you meet, it's something that just happens, it's not something you can plan - maybe if you're lucky.

Yeah I do think luck has something to do with it too.... as ugh as that sounds.

Beautiful quote, thing is, the belief of being unlovable, one can rationalize that it is not true but when one hasn't really been loved much it is not easy to imagine how one can be lovable, or if that is ever possible.

I guess this is where feeling lovable doesn't quite mean you should know what love is like or what it is, it's more of being positive towards others and in your life and to yourself.. then you'll be a lovable person.

I never seem to attract people in general, but I also have no luck when searching. So I'm screwed either way, it seems.

I'm sorry el Jay.
Just hope you don't give up though.

Sometimes, I feel unloveable and I think that keeps me from being in a relationship.

I think a lot of people, especially here, believe the same. I actually felt that way for myself at one point. And I think that's when I started to go by the whole, "if it's meant to happen to me, it will," type of attitude. But, Nal, you're such a beautiful person, inside and out, and anyone would be more than lucky to have you.

I would have to agree with VC here. Continue being the way you are.. and let it happen.. I guess.

 

[jzinsky]

"Hunting for love never brings the right partner."

That is just targeted to a specific group of people. If I never proactively meet and talk to women I will not have a chance to even get to know someone, let alone get in a relationship with, let alone love. So it might help to explain WHOM this book is written for.

I think you're misinterpreting this. "Hunting for love never brings the right partner." meaning purposely going out with the intention to find love, as in, the driving force for you finding a girl/guy.

In that case do it the other way round, not looking for love has brought me no-one, not a sausage, not a drop

 

[Cucuboth]

I never seem to attract people in general, but I also have no luck when searching. So I'm screwed either way, it seems.

Same here. Look and I find nothing. Don't look and it's assumed that I don't want to find anyone, or that I'm not trying hard enough because I'm not looking. Either way I always come home alone ....

But I don't believe that love 'just happens'. Lust just happens. But love involves getting to know someone, their positives and negatives, and finding compromise with their faults (which everyone has). And you can't do that with out a bit of effort.

Problem I find is actually trying to find a woman who will talk to me longer than just 'hello'.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I never seem to attract people in general, but I also have no luck when searching. So I'm screwed either way, it seems.

Same here. Look and I find nothing. Don't look and it's assumed that I don't want to find anyone, or that I'm not trying hard enough because I'm not looking. Either way I always come home alone ....

But I don't believe that love 'just happens'. Lust just happens. But love involves getting to know someone, their positives and negatives, and finding compromise with their faults (which everyone has). And you can't do that with out a bit of effort.

Problem I find is actually trying to find a woman who will talk to me longer than just 'hello'.

Yes, you need to try to socialise and meet new people, make friends.

Hmm. Maybe you are meeting women in unfortunate places or settings. :\

 

[VanillaCreme]

But I don't believe that love 'just happens'. Lust just happens. But love involves getting to know someone, their positives and negatives, and finding compromise with their faults (which everyone has). And you can't do that with out a bit of effort.

Thing with me is, getting to know people just happens. I never seek out people and the friendships that can follow after knowing them. And I certainly didn't set out to love or lust after my dude. We just became closer and closer, until one day, it just was. We were just friends for about a year, I'd say.

 

[Revengineer]

What it boils down to is, don't be desperate. Which is a lot easier said than done. You can make a conscious decision not to appear desperate, but if in your heart all you want is someone to take away your loneliness then the desperation will seep through anyway, and you end up repelling those who might otherwise want to get to know you better.

It really is absurdly unfair, the more you want it the harder it becomes to get. :/

 

[ladyforsaken]

What it boils down to is, don't be desperate. Which is a lot easier said than done. You can make a conscious decision not to appear desperate, but if in your heart all you want is someone to take away your loneliness then the desperation will seep through anyway, and you end up repelling those who might otherwise want to get to know you better.

It really is absurdly unfair, the more you want it the harder it becomes to get. :/

What if you try distracting yourself? So that you don't think so much about it or care less about it to the point where you don't feel desperate for it anymore?

 

[Revengineer]

What it boils down to is, don't be desperate. Which is a lot easier said than done. You can make a conscious decision not to appear desperate, but if in your heart all you want is someone to take away your loneliness then the desperation will seep through anyway, and you end up repelling those who might otherwise want to get to know you better.

It really is absurdly unfair, the more you want it the harder it becomes to get. :/

What if you try distracting yourself? So that you don't think so much about it or care less about it to the point where you don't feel desperate for it anymore?

Sure, that can help. Seek out and fill your life with other things that fulfill you, and finding love won't seem like such a huge daunting task that will determine your happiness. Once you have that attitude it makes you naturally attractive to others. I believe that is what a lot of people here are getting at.

 

[el Jay]

But I don't believe that love 'just happens'. Lust just happens. But love involves getting to know someone, their positives and negatives, and finding compromise with their faults (which everyone has). And you can't do that with out a bit of effort.

Thing with me is, getting to know people just happens. I never seek out people and the friendships that can follow after knowing them. And I certainly didn't set out to love or lust after my dude. We just became closer and closer, until one day, it just was. We were just friends for about a year, I'd say.

This is what never happens with me. While I get along with most people fairly well, and they may even show that they enjoy interacting with me and stuff, no one ever makes any effort whatsoever to seek me out or get closer to me. Sure, if I happen to be there, they'll talk to me, or ask me stuff, and generally regard me as a friend, but any and all effort to get closer has to be made by me, otherwise I'll just be someone who they talk to when I'm there and forget about otherwise.

So I'm stuck making all of the effort needed to actually make friends. Except that even that isn't enough, because anytime I try to suggest doing something together, they're busy, or have other plans, or whatever we plan ends up falling apart due to things that happen or whatever. None of it strikes me as intentional or malicious, but just genuine "life happens" type things. But it doesn't take away the sting of my plans falling through, after I pushed through my anxiety issues and actually made plans with other people to do stuff.

This all applies tenfold to trying to find a girlfriend, hence my "damned if I do, damned if I don't" type comment earlier in the thread.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Sure, if I happen to be there, they'll talk to me, or ask me stuff, and generally regard me as a friend, but any and all effort to get closer has to be made by me, otherwise I'll just be someone who they talk to when I'm there and forget about otherwise.

So I'm stuck making all of the effort needed to actually make friends.

Yea, that's pretty much been my life since middle school.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I understand that, Jay. I've felt like that, damned if I do or don't, before. But that's why I don't even try. If things happen, great. If nothing does, okay then.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I understand that, Jay. I've felt like that, damned if I do or don't, before. But that's why I don't even try. If things happen, great. If nothing does, okay then.

Then you are pretty much leaving it all to luck?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I understand that, Jay. I've felt like that, damned if I do or don't, before. But that's why I don't even try. If things happen, great. If nothing does, okay then.

Then you are pretty much leaving it all to luck?

I wouldn't say luck. I think luck is mostly for those actually wishing for something to happen.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I wouldn't say luck. I think luck is mostly for those actually wishing for something to happen.

Fate then? Hmm.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wouldn't say luck. I think luck is mostly for those actually wishing for something to happen.

Fate then? Hmm.

I honestly couldn't tell you. As much as I wish I did have a magic answer, I just don't. All I know is I don't worry about it. No sense in worrying yourself gray over something you can't change, right?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah.... true. It's just a mystery how life works sometimes.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've found love before. I just can't seem to manage to keep it.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try, or what you do, there are times that people just stop loving someone.
It's like trying to keep fine sand from slipping between your fingers.

I like to think that I've learned a good bit from the various relationships in my life. The older I get, the more I learn about people in general, which helps in ANY kind of relationship - romantic or otherwise. Maybe next time (if there ever is a next time) what I've learned will serve me, and the person I'm with, very well.
One can hope....


(Yes, I know, a bit off topic)

 

[Dissident]

I feel like the older I get the less I understand people.