Awkward Life

[ShybutHi]

Granted I have interests and that is what keeps me going, barely. Things are not good when you are socially awkward and ugly. People ignore me and I have even known of one or two who are sort of scared of me. Not because I have done anything to them whatsoever but just because I am not able to easily socialize like most people, I find it very hard... So I get shunned, ignored and judged. Depression in the past and anxiety issues, they have partially caused these insecurities and I am naturally a very timid person anyway.

Times are lonely, not many friends and no relationship. Not been in a relationship for 10 years and even then that relationship back when I was a teenager only lasted a few months because I got scared of things becoming too serious, so I broke up with her... How stupid of me. It was only a fling in the end really.

Literally no signs that I am attractive to the opposite sex whatsoever. I do not even really know if the girl back when I was a teenager was attracted to me, I actually doubt that she was. Maybe if you are ugly and socially awkward then life is going to be like this. A lonely existence... I do not know if I want to live life on my own. I am a loving person who grew up with a very moral family. I believe I have alot of love to give and I am only ever good and try to help people if possible, but being a social outcast is unbearable sometimes.

Makes me wonder if there is any point in carrying on when I am just going to be alone my entire life.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I think the ugly that is plaguing you isn't on the outside but the inside. You put yourself down and are insecure inside and out. You doubt peoples motives towards you and keep people at arms length. You are your own worst enemy. We all are. I'm the same way. Opening up out of my shell scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid to open up to people because of years of being bullied, and from being stabbed in the back by people I trusted. It did a number on my self confidence so now I think negative about people. You are doing that to.

What all of us like this need to do is to change our mindset. Which is really hard to do, I've tried but haven't been successful at it. Even when I'm told good things. I have a friend in real life, not online, who is the opposite of me. He knows a lot about me and has become like a little brother to me. He doesn't understand why I let the things I let, keep me from experiencing life. He doesn't see the things I see. We just ourselves too harshly. There aren't as many bad people out there, even those who have hurt us are very few when you think of just how many people there are on this planet.

 

[Lilianna]

Your nickname is awesome!

You don't know that you will be alone for the rest of your life. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? And if not tomorrow, then next week, or next year or, sometime in the future.

 

[ShybutHi]

I think the ugly that is plaguing you isn't on the outside but the inside. You put yourself down and are insecure inside and out. You doubt peoples motives towards you and keep people at arms length. You are your own worst enemy. We all are. I'm the same way. Opening up out of my shell scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid to open up to people because of years of being bullied, and from being stabbed in the back by people I trusted. It did a number on my self confidence so now I think negative about people. You are doing that to.

What all of us like this need to do is to change our mindset. Which is really hard to do, I've tried but haven't been successful at it. Even when I'm told good things. I have a friend in real life, not online, who is the opposite of me. He knows a lot about me and has become like a little brother to me. He doesn't understand why I let the things I let, keep me from experiencing life. He doesn't see the things I see. We just ourselves too harshly. There aren't as many bad people out there, even those who have hurt us are very few when you think of just how many people there are on this planet.

I see where you are coming from but for me I think it is a little different. I can identify with you somewhat but for me it is not actually that I distrust people generally. I always greet people with a smile and say hello, even people who I do not know... I am a friendly person but just terrible socially and lack certain life experience in some ways because I was a recluse for so long.

To help put things into perspective, I play in a band and I actually am around people really often, my band members are old friends who I know very well and I know alot of people from my town and the surrounding area but just not many close friends at all and socially my close friends are very different to me. My problem is that I am so terrible socially that you could almost call it a disability. Sometimes I will go completely mute. The fact is that my friends are the type of people who are very socially adept and can make jokes and chat nonsense about literally anything and I cant do that easily at all. In a way I guess it makes me feel a bit inferior and it makes me go into my shell.

People do open up to me and greet me alot more since I started greeting people alot more, as in people who I do not know at all really and I have become alot more confident because of playing in a band and also having the spotlight in some songs as I do solo's. (I play guitar)


Maybe I am wrong about my physical appearance, I simply cannot be the judge of this really I suppose. I have just always thought I was ugly because I am quite unusual physically in comparison to the norm or stereotype.


I wish I was good socially and could be socially accepted. Another problem is that because of my lack of social experience and such timid personality I do not know when someone is being honest about a proposal or just being nice and thus do not act on it.
Like for example one of my friends who is not in my close friend circle (but we all know him and his gf and have done for years, they are both proper mutual friends) actually asked me to hang out at his sometime at his place. That is real nice of him I thought, but I would not follow it up because I would not want to step on his or her toes. I do not know if he really meant it or was just being nice to me.

I always do this, always put others infront of me and do not initiate for fear of stepping on someone's toes if my judgment is wrong. Maybe that is due to such a low opinion of myself? I never believe (if it is someone not in my close friends circle) that if someone is nice to me or asks me if I would like to do something or proposes something, that they really mean it.

One thing I hate in this world is arrogance. I do things for others... I believe I am so un-arrogant (or whatever that word is) that to do something for myself is like being arrogant. For example I would never play solo guitar infront of people because I feel it is arrogant to assume someone would want to hear it or another example for my birthday I would NEVER organise something because it is my own birthday. That seems so arrogant to me to organise something for yourself like that. But then again 99% of other people seem to do this?

I have been told by some that I am one of the nicest people they have ever met. Maybe I am just too nice if there is such a thing... but I do nothing for myself, only if it could potentially benefit someone else. Same thing with the band. I only joined because I got asked as they needed a guitarist.

I know I just wrote an essay which I am sorry for, I am just trying to vent, get my thoughts down and get opinions on these matters.

 

[duff]

I think your being too hard on yourself. Your life doesn't seem that bad. There is always someone worse off than you ! That should be your motto from now on.

I wish I played in a band ! Ive always liked music, always wanted to be in a band or play in front of people. I bought a guitar when I was 20, I learned how to play but didn't know anybody so I never got to play with anybody else. I bought a camcorder about 7 years ago, had visions of making little films etc. Same as the guitar, didn't know anybody, couldn't do anything apart from film buildings or trees and I soon got fed up of that. I bought a piano 2 years ago, never played in front of anybody apart from the family and they are interested for about 2 seconds.

Apart from work, and discounting my Dad who I live with I spend 99% of the time alone. And it's not like I'm turning down offers every five minutes. People don't want to spend time with me.

You say your ugly and that might be true but like my motto 'there is always someone worse off than you' - I am so ugly it is untrue. I avoid looking in mirrors, having my photograph taken and my reflection in windows when I walk past. Somebody took a photograph of me at some works party last xmas and posted the photo's on facebook. I saw them. On the night I got upset and started crying. Just because I saw an image of myself on a screen ! So you think you've got problems !

I know we all want more from life, the lovely woman to share our life with but that's not likely going to happen. Despite all this I am quite happy with my life but I am in my 40's and gone thru exactly what you have done.

And I know what you mean about the birthdays thing. Ive never organized anything on my birthday, simply because nobody would show up.

 

[grainofrice24]

Hey shybuthi! (nifty name boss!). Sorry to hear about your troubles, but five stars for playin geetars .

I think sci-fi hit the nail on the head. There's a voice in your head that keeps telling you you're no good and keeps making you insecure? You need to tell that voice to shut the hell up. Sure you may have been a loner for a while, but ppl will be more understanding than you think about that. Only way to have better social skills is to practice. You know what you want, so stop depriving yourself of it!! :club:

Say what you want to say, do what you want to do. If someone invites you out and you want to go...THEN GO! They probably invited you because you're good company!! Don't let fear or stereotypes or haters or your own head (or ******** with pancake avatars ) or even Gods cruel design hold you back.

Best of luck!

 

[ShybutHi]

Thanks alot for the replies guys as this is a real serious subject for me. It has held me back since I was a teenager... I have got alot better as I used to be basically agoraphobic but the problems are still there because they are deep rooted... I have been like this for around 11 years now.

Duff-
I understand that in theory yes there is always someone worse off but the saying is a little bit misguided because it does not really consider the mind. One of the problems is that it depends on what your goals, your wishes and aspirations are. Also you must tie in your past, things that may have affected you and have been a part in causing you to be the person that you are. If you are not able to fulfill them or have failed numerous times it can give a huge blow to a person's ego and confidence, thus potentially creating negativity in one's own mind. You can have all the material things in the world and it would not necessarily make you happy or possitive.

I have failed at so many things in my life that I wish I did not fail at and these things actually mainly include self improvement and social related topics.

I try and then seem to get dragged back each time by an unseen force. Anxiety could well actually be part of the reason for it I guess. I start to feel better about things, more confident, better at socializing and then I get stumped by a social situation and it brings it all back... Then I am back where I started.

I am starting to wonder if I should actually go on anti anxiety drugs of some sort. I know I do have a very strong will, it was incredibly hard for me to play in a band but I managed it. I really am like others who are socially awkward who take anti-depressants because they get anxiety in every day life. (I am an anxious person and I used to get panic attacks fairly often but I taught myself to stop them by a self mind relaxing technique)

You know thinking about it now, it makes sense that I have just created another mask. This mask has helped me a great deal but I still feel pretty anxious in every day life and still social situations especially, I have just learnt to appear more confident at first and not have a problem with greeting people who I do not know. The problem is when I get into an actual social situation the mask and cloak dissipates and I am standing there naked and scared of what is to come next, whether I will fail or not.


I also hate having my photo taken and I always think I look very ugly in them so I know what that is like. I also do not like to look at myself in the mirror.

Grainofrice24-
I suppose some of what I wrote there to Duff could be a reply to some of what you said about insecurity.
I agree I definatly need practice but it is soooo hard when you get anxious and do not know what to do. One problem with me and anxiety in regards to social situations is that it is like my brain totally shuts down and I do not know what to say... So then I basically just go mute. It is almost like a reflex action for me.

This is why I wonder is the anti anxiety drugs could help so I can think clearer due to not being so anxious. (but is this really what they would help me with, they might do the complete opposite and me me think less clearly, I am really not sure)

It is very funny that you brought up stuff such as saying what you want, do what you want because I have really tried to do this but at the moment it is like I am in purgatory. I am sometimes quite confident outwardly as in body language and such with a sort of f you world mindset but coupled with a failure to communicate and anxiety in alot of social situations. lol

 

[LoneKiller]

I'm truly sorry to hear this is happening to you. One thing to keep in mind is that there are many, many people out there that are suffering in the same way you are.

They figure that they will never find someone to love or accept them and just give up. This is why there are so many who are lonely. They all figure that nobody will care for them, so why bother?

Happiness in life will never come to your door and knock looking for you. You must summon all the courage you can, learn to handle rejection and renew your strength and your faith in yourself and your God given right to solace and social happiness.

I'll be very honest with you. When it comes to looks I'm no George Clooney. I've been rejected by more women than Planters has peanuts. You have it in you to fight. Just because you can't win every fight, don't give up. Don't ever give up.

 

[ShybutHi]

I have no problem fighting the world. It is my own mind that is my worst enemy. I am 99.999999999% sure things would be different for me, in a more positive way, if it was not for my anxiety.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I wish I could help you out here... however I cannot. I have my own personal solution to the problem of being an ugly loser, I am taking about myself of course. However, I am sure I will get in trouble if I tell you what it is. I am sure you can figure it out.

Regardless.... why not do what everyone tells me to do. Lie until you actually believe the lie. Lie that you are hot and stuff and you are not socially awkward everyone else is. Just lie until you cannot tell what the truth is. Sadly, there is no way I could lie that much.

 

[ShybutHi]

I wish I could help you out here... however I cannot. I have my own personal solution to the problem of being an ugly loser, I am taking about myself of course. However, I am sure I will get in trouble if I tell you what it is. I am sure you can figure it out.

Regardless.... why not do what everyone tells me to do. Lie until you actually believe the lie. Lie that you are hot and stuff and you are not socially awkward everyone else is. Just lie until you cannot tell what the truth is. Sadly, there is no way I could lie that much.

Thanks for the advice Frozen, I can not lie that much either. Lol taking the viewpoint that I am not socially awkward and everyone else is... That is a funny idea. In one way it is true because atleast I am 100% honest, I do not lie to have a conversation or/and seem more interesting, if I have one it is because it is genuine and I am being myself.

I think I really need to chill out and go with the flow more... I am an incredibly analytical person and that coupled with anxiety means I totally overthink everything. I think I need to calm down and not give a **** as much. lol