Back to the loneliness

[Peaches]

This is so weird that I thought it was worth reporting it: I left for holidays for almost two weeks, I was in this little village where I spent some years of my life and, although anybody who was close to me has left, still I know most of the locals, people smile and ask you how are you doing, and it is always possible to have a chat at any moment of the day. Still, it's not like I have any "friends" there or anything.
In spite of this, the panic I always feel about my loneliness had disappeared, and I was in peace, thinking about things to do, and the ugly depression also had disappeared.
Two days ago I was back to the city, and in 24 hours the crazy loneliness (panic alarm repeating: I am alone! nobody wants me!) and depression are back, and again it is a struggle to go out and see all those people who either judge me or are completely indifferent, and I feel that I am invisible again. How is that? any suggestions? I cannot go back to live in the countryside because there is nothing for me to do there, and the situation that I am describing suggests that loneliness is all in the mind...

 

[ucxb]

Hi Peaches,
I feel this way when I visit my home town (it is very small and out in the middle of nowhere country and different state). I think mine is longing for a sense of community. Do you think that is what you feel? While I do not think I can recreate the same feel in the city I have thought about volunteering, I just need to narrow down to what cause.

 

[ursa]

I believe you feel so welcomed partially because you already knew those people who you hadn't seen in some time and partially because if it is a small place with no many people, of course people are going to be friendly towards as many as they can !

In city environment where there is all sort of stimuli everywhere it appears most people are on automatic pilot operating on a checklist based system and as there are so many tribe members they don't feel the same need to add you as a new addition "reference to evolutionary psychology".

To mimick this environment I would suggest some sort of activity which doesn't include many members such as some club such as chess club, book club, you get the point.
In my experience, the least people there is at certain space/time the more well received and thus better feel you will be.