So theres this girl I have been dating for the past few months (mind im only in high school) and like everything seems swell and dandy but our relationship was nothing beyond us talking about her problems. She was (and is) very sad and depressed and just want to kill herself and the whole nine yards. Well I already went through that (ive tried multiple times, as well as the self harm and what not. Btw it doesnt get you anywhere and idk why I ever thought of trying it) and i still think on the bit of the dark side of things though i have gotten better about all of it. Just the way she talks reminds me of myself and like i literally have to battle my way into a conversation just for her to tell me she thinks im doubting her or judging her. Besides that I have personal issues (my family chemistry is HORRIBLE between our members and my grades :/) and while im trying to fix that im worrying about her. Now i have this thing where if i feel i need to kick someone out of my life or something bad is about to happen i just cut emotional tie to the person, no matter how hard it is. Its starting to happen with her and idk if i want it to or if its going to be better for us both. I have talked to her numerous times about how it needs to stop, how i completely understand how she feels and how past mistakes are past mistakes and you just gotta get over it. Not only that her attitude towards everything is starting to get to me and i really dont like that attitude at all. I keep telling her she needs to get someone to help but she wont. Now all of this is (and has led) me to break up with her and give up on trying to help her with her issues. Now when people say you need to care about other people and what not i think when your in the situation shes in, you have to act a little selfish to figure out what you need to make yourself better. Thats what i did and i got past all of my bad times. I know it doesnt help everyone but im that one person who tried to help and it just kinda blew back in my face and its like im always the bad person. So the big question is, should i drop the ties or keep trying?
Bad Environment?
- Thread starter Dragoon
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
I'm not sure if you have shared with her your experience with your struggles and what you did to help yourself, but that would be the best thing I can think of. To somehow push her to get help for herself. She really needs it and needs to talk to someone professional about it/maybe get on antidepressants. Let her know you care about her, but it is important that she needs to talk to someone else who can really help her. I wouldn't cut all ties unless she is treating you badly. It can be very stressful for someone who is going through a lot. Just limit the time you talk with her so you can have time to focus on your own life too.
This is a hard one. On one hand, it can help to have a partner who has undergone or is undergoing the same issues as ourselves as you can udnerstand each other in a deep way that only someone who has also been through it can do. On the other hand I can understand your wanting to bail out as well, as it can be draining to support someone constantly who needs so much from you on an emotional and psychological level. Could there be a compromise, could you go from boyfriend/girlfriend to friendship, so that you could still support her but without the pressure of feeling that you have to be her sole and only source of support? Or, as dragoon suggests, could you somehow push her to seek professional help for herself and limit the time you spend talking to her so that you can focus on your own life as well? You are clearly a kind and caring person, but your girlfriend does need more support than you (or any one non professional person) could provide.
This is a tough situation. Ultimately though, you can't help her if you yourself are not okay. You have to put yourself first. Else you will both pay the price for this girls issues. Make yourself able to be happy to help. Even if that means cutting her out for a while.
