Bad friends or no friends at all?

[Aksentije]

I have a few so called friends in school, (im 17(in a few days)) but they are more like mates, to say it that way. There not actually friends. To be more specific, they are two girls. So i really like hanging out with them but at most of the time they really tend to piss me off. They say how i dont understand them at all, and they totally understand me, and actually its the other way around.
I have never had a girlfriend, due to my physical appearance, im overweight..
But people never judge me for that, at least not in my face. So the two of them have boyfriends, and they talk and talk about them and their experiances, and how they count the days how long they havent been kissed because there BFs are out of town. While i havent ever been kissed, and it really puts me down. But i dont think they would care. They expect me to understand what they are going through, when they have 0% idea what IM going through. And most of the time they take me for granted.
They dont have internet connections at home, so they ask me to download some songs or movies sometimes. And that is not that much of a problem. But as soon as i forget to download something, they get mad.

Not even to mention birthdays. Mine is on the 8th of April, and i am struggling with my self, that if they dont buy me anything i will honestly get mad and maybe even end the friendship. Now you think im overreacting... keep reading.

So im in the third grade of highschool now. So its been three years since we have knows each other. And not once have they baught me anything. Yes sometimes by BD was on the weekends or on holidays but they could have still gotten something and given it to me a few days later. but no...

Anyways, one of them had a birthday, it was the second grade of high school. And i decided to make some cake. Because i really like making it, and i can honestly say i am pretty good at it. So i made it, and she tells me how she would have like it better if i bought something that could last. Like a teddy bear or something.
I mean can someone please tell me what is better?
To buy some small teddy bear just to get by someones birthday and you dont even have to care about the person...
or to spend hours making something you put much effort into?
And that would not have bothered me that much if she hadnt said before that, how she likes when someone makes things from heart than to buy them. So she lied.

I buy them gifts, small gifts and make cakes on special occasions, and they are glad.. like smiley face glad, but not really happy because of what i do. When school finishes we go to coffee sometimes just to kill the time. And when its weekend, or when school year ends, i dont get any texts or calls but the ones asking me to download something for them. I suppose that would not have bothered me that much if the two of them didnt text each other non stop, which i found out just because one of them said it in an accident, meaning, they never wanted me to find out.

When one of em had a birth day recently, in february, the other put aside some money and baught her earrings. I made her a cake, a really complicated one ive never made before. And she was happy. But yesterday we talked about that in the park and i said, how i put much effort in to the cake and much hard work and time. And to which the other one said, i dont know how to translate it but something like DONT TALK CRAP!
So thats how it is. When they forget something and i get angry, they either turn it into a joke and if i dont laugh and i keep on being angry THEY get angry at me. So get this, THEY get angry at ME for something THEY did. I mean where is the logic. And i have sworn to myself that on the 8th of April 2011 our friendship is at stake. I havent told anyone about it, but if i dont get a present, at least a card, and if i get the whole, i didnt have enough money to buy you something, or please try to understand, i will start swearing like crazy and never speak to them again. Because i have been made a clown for three years. And in all those three years no one, not one person at school remembered me. Nor my birth day nor christmas (because mostly in my country people celebrate christmas on the 7th of january and i celebrate both the 7th January and 25 december).

Last year i joined facebook and added a whole bunch of friends. And i noticed how people tend to see the little "its someones birthday tomorrow" and go and comment. So i removed my birth information 10 days before my birthday. I didnt get a single congratulations. I suppose i at least found out that i dont have any true friends on facebook. And this year i deactivated my account, because i dont care even if someone remembers, i will not carry the burden to constantly check the facebook home page if someone sent something to me.


Oh and another thing that happened yesterday. We were heading back to school, because we had one free class, and there is a coffee shop just over the road from our school. And we saw that there is a crowd. It was sunny. I said that if we go there anytime soon, we should sit inside because i really dont like sitting in the sun, and i dont like heat, it gives me a headache, and i really feel uncomfortable. And they said how they like it out side better and how they wont under any circumstances, sit inside. I said how they should sometimes adjust them selves to me, and then one of em gets mad and tells me how i should adjust MYSELF to them... which i have been doing all the time since ive known them. I mean whats the big deal, its an open coffee shop, so the difference in the temperature is minimal, except there is no sunshine coming at you directly.
So this is not about the coffee shop at all, this is about me adjusting myself to them.

And there are a bunch of other examples, where they turn out to be so selfish and rude, and they still have the nerve to get angry at me and make me feel like im the bad guy.

Also there are a bunch of examples where they talk about stuff, and wont let me know what it is. I mean fine i understand girls talk girl stuff, but if they are going to talk about it, cant they do it sometime after school or on a coffee. But no... they tell me how they have something so interesting and so awesome to talk about and then they tell me how they cant talk to me about it. I mean its like i tike one million dollars and shove them in someones face and them take them away. I mean whats the point of talking about how you cant talk about something in front of me. So practicly they seem to do it just to piss me off.

What do you think i should do concerning the so called "friends" situation?
What would you do?

And it honestly pisses me off when someone i dont even like and i dont even hang around with, invites me to their birth thay. Yesterday i talked about that too with one of my so called friends. I said it pisses me off that one girl in our class invited us all on her 18th birhtday.
And it makes me angry because that girl is actually one of the ******* every class has. And she invites me, me to whom she never spoke... like ever except if it were something like, can you give me that. Or can you move youre bloking my view. And my "friend" tells me how i should be thankfull that girl invited me. It pisses me off, when people who arent my friends and, dont act like they are my friends... at some point, treat me like i am.

 

[kamya]

You seem like a pretty thoughtful and caring person but it is obvious that you are frustrated. Its better if you start to not expect much to come out of the efforts you put into relationships. It doesn't mean stop trying, but don't get your hopes up that your efforts will be returned. Sometimes someone will surprise you but it won't happen very often.

Honestly, why would you want to be friends with two teenage girls? Not all of them are like this but for the most part there is nothing more selfish, fickle, or bitchy than a teenage girl. Let alone two of them. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of exceptions, but these two are not. You should try to make a few guys friends. They are usually lot more laid back. You won't have to listen to "you just don't understand US!" all day long.

 

[Poueff]

Meh,guy friends can be douches too.

Imo,it's either being ignored or put down,so yeah,it's your choice. I'd choose to make new friends,even though it's hard

 

[Aksentije]

You seem like a pretty thoughtful and caring person but it is obvious that you are frustrated. Its better if you start to not expect much to come out of the efforts you put into relationships. It doesn't mean stop trying, but don't get your hopes up that your efforts will be returned. Sometimes someone will surprise you but it won't happen very often.

Honestly, why would you want to be friends with two teenage girls? Not all of them are like this but for the most part there is nothing more selfish, fickle, or bitchy than a teenage girl. Let alone two of them. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of exceptions, but these two are not. You should try to make a few guys friends. They are usually lot more laid back. You won't have to listen to "you just don't understand US!" all day long.

Well they are a lot better than REAL teenage girls in my class, so you can imagine how bad those girls are if i put these two as the better ones.

And as for the guys in my class and in my school at all, they are really ********. I tried being friends when i was in the first year of high school with some of them, just because my brother told me how i should hang around with them. And i was gravely mistaken, because they have really bad grades, run away from classes, and not to mention the smoking and god knows what else. And i really dont like it how they sometimes back stab each other and find it normal. Most of them talk about girls but not about girls as in, how they like some girls, they talk about them like. Look at that bitch she has a fine ass, or something like that. And i really dont like talking like that. I mean its kind of insulting to me wether along to the girls lol. I am just trying to say that, i think that if i make myself part of the guy-group i will really not like it. And sure there is only one guy that is not like those guys, but he and i dont have that much interests.

And the main thing that kicks me in the ass, is that i am english in soul to say it that way. I think in english and i really like talking in english. (i guess you find out by now that i am not in a english-speaking country)
And there is absolutely no one i can talk to about funny things i find on the net that are in english and that, when translated, sound stupid. I dont know anymore. Maybe being alone is for the best. I suppose one positive thing came out from my no-friends life, and that is that i dont depend on other people. I depend only on myself.

 

[kamya]

Hmm thinking about it I was kind of harsh on that first reply.

When your friends put you down and ignore you do you ever bring it with them or ask them to apologize? When they get mad at you and yell at you do you just take it?

You say you are getting taken for granted. Next time they do something that you don't like leave. Don't hang around with them until they apologize. If they are talking girl talk amongst themselves just walk off and do your own thing. You aren't hanging out with them so they can ignore you whenever they want. If you are always taking their crap and always staying around them anyways then they are going to keep acting the same way. If you want some respect you need to stick up for yourself.

At this point I say ditch these girls. You can't control how someone treats you. When you leave they will(maybe) realize what they are losing. If you do this, don't go listing off specific incidents against them, just tell them they are crappy friends and leave.

 

[Sci-Fi]

To answer your topic question, I'd rather have no friends then bad friends.

I kind of skimmed your first post, what I found interesting is where you say your friends don't understand you but they understand you, you feel it's the other way around. Maybe it's both? Obviously there are reasons they feel you don't get them and they don't get you even if you both feel like you get each other. There's a brick wall somewhere you all are hitting without even realizing it. When people are feeling down or frustrated it's one of the first things people (especially teenagers) say, 'you don't get me'.

You have really good reasons to feel this way and I know where you are coming from, my own brother is like that. I will do very thoughtful/nice things but he never returns the gesture, ever. It really sucks but I have to accept that is just the way he is, even after all these years. He doesn't realize it but he is very selfish. My brother gets the same way if I ever bring it up, he thinks he does all kinds of nice things, yet can't come up with anything that involves me. Even our mother sees this and she doesn't bother because she knows it's just the way he is. He's really good at doing nice things for other people.

Honestly it sounds like you have a lot to sort through, depending on yourself is a good way to go for now. I have to bring this up, you said that you got pissed off when this girl you don't even like invited you to her party. WTF!?! Are you serious? You might not like her and she might be a big bitch but at least she was nice enough to invite you. Could have been worse, she could have invited everyone BUT you. You're projecting a lot of anger, you are upset about your friends not being respectful or kind towards you, yet you complain when someone you don't like does something nice. I would have taken that opportunity to rub it in, more like wow so in so is like the biggest bitch but that was nice of her to even invite us. She might have just wanted to put on a big show but seriously, take the kind gesture where you can.

I can bet you that in 5 years from now, when you've grown up more, you are going to look back on this and thing WTF was I being so dramatic over? At your age all this "drama" seems really important because it is to your growth as a person, but when you grow out of it you really see how unimportant it really is. Trust me, I came to the same realization. Sorry if that sounded harsh but I'm telling it like I see it. Been there, done that.

Anyway, happy early birthday and hopefully things get better for you. Just stop seeking kindness from others, you can't force it to happen and complaining about it won't help. You've seen how your friends react. Focus on doing things that make you happy and seek out some new friends if you want. Just realize that this is something you are going to have to put up with, for the most part teenagers are selfish, emotional, and mostly self absorbed. Maybe your "friends" will come around but don't count on it. Most of all, don't let this teenage drama suck you in, resist the pull it's not worth it.

 

[Aksentije]

I have to bring this up, you said that you got pissed off when this girl you don't even like invited you to her party. WTF!?! Are you serious? You might not like her and she might be a big bitch but at least she was nice enough to invite you. Could have been worse, she could have invited everyone BUT you.

Actually she is the one that doesnt like me, and in return to that i dont like her. I never come directly to someone and say how i dont like them, at least not to this girl. And i admit you make some good points, but i dont know... i still dont like it that she invited me, i mean its fascinating because i litreally dont know a single thing about her and i dont think she knows anything about me. I wouldnt be bothered if i had SOME base of relationship with her, but i literally never speak to her.
Thanks on ther rest of the comment, it helped

 

[I'm Fine]

Actually she is the one that doesnt like me, and in return to that i dont like her....
i mean its fascinating because i litreally dont know a single thing about her and i dont think she knows anything about me.

If you don't know anything about her, how do you know that she doesn't like you? Maybe this is a chance for you to rectify that? You may find out that she's nicer than you think. Or then again, maybe not. It's just a thought.

As to the matter of your two 'friends'. You've already been given some great advice by the previous posters. My personal opinion is - If it's not reciprocal then it isn't friendship. To me it sounds as though they're friends with each other and you're their 'pet'. And, I hate to tell you this, but you find people like them in all places and all genders. They're everywhere.

If you can find the strength to insist that they treat you more fairly or you won't have anything to do with them anymore, then good for you. It can be a very difficult thing to say to people 'I don't NEED you' especially when the alternative is being alone.

I hope my small observations have helped.

 

[Playnike2]

in my experience theirs no such thing as friends. if ur a guy just try to find friends that are girls. eminem once rapped and said "friends r rlly ur enemys with secret identities" and its very true

 

[Aksentije]

Actually she is the one that doesnt like me, and in return to that i dont like her....
i mean its fascinating because i litreally dont know a single thing about her and i dont think she knows anything about me.

If you don't know anything about her, how do you know that she doesn't like you? Maybe this is a chance for you to rectify that? You may find out that she's nicer than you think. Or then again, maybe not. It's just a thought.

I didnt express myself correctly, i meant i dont know anything about her, for example what kind of music she likes or the things she likes at all, I dont know what kind of people she likes, all i know is that she behaves like she doesnt like me, and honestly im not the kind of guy to understand the excuse of insulting others in a perticular way. i meant that kind of observation

 

[I'm Fine]

Ah, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. It happens. Sorry about that.

 

[WishingWell]

Very simple...no friends at all. Same thing with a relationship. I would rather be lonely that be used/abused/neglected/and what not!