Blowing hot and cold

[Teo66]

Hello everyone!
So lately this girl I met at the gym has been taking some space in my head. She also just happens to be pretty young (19) and I'm a decade older and pretty accomplished for my age. I'm tall with dark hair and stubble, have a fit body and often get good remarks about my looks from men and women.
I remember initially noticing her a few months back but initially I didn't look at her this way while I also had an exclusive relationship. We would exchange a few glances here and there which may or may not have been anything.
I occasionaly would notice that she would whisper with her cousin around me, or talk at their own language (as they're from another country but born here).
Few months went by and I can't even remember how or when but I started noticing more and more how attractive that girl looked to me.
I started feeling drawn to her and would look at her as she would stare back at me and we would hold the gaze for a few seconds. Sometimes we would both break a hint of a smile. I started making a conscious effort not to look at her too often because I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
At some point I decided to talk to her, it was the day before the gym would close for a few days due to public holiday. We joked a little around the vacation thing and I teased her a little.
We were sharing the same workout machine and everytime I would finish my set, I would put the weight pin back to where she had it and change back the handle to the one she was using.
She did the same thing for me as well, and as she would change back the handle she would look back at me over her shoulder and give me a beautiful smile, every single time, every single set. I told her she was such a sweetheart for doing that for me and she giggled and gave me a nice smile.
As she was leaving that day she turned and gave a quick look back at me from the door.
When we returned after a few days, I noticed her through the mirror going out of her way to get her face in front of me ,as I was wearing my headphones, to say hello and a smile that melted my heart.
Some days went and we would stare and smile, sometimes while walking towards each other from half accross the room and then I would occasionaly greet her with a sweet nickname and we would chat a little, though a few times the tension was pretty high and the words were few. She would remember and mention a thing I complimented her on, I would mention I remember her doing something and she would say that she noticed me doing X thing as well and that she noticed that a dropped a weight on my foot (while I was around her lol).
When I came one day with my arm pretty battered from some extreme sport I'm doing she came over and asked what happened and if I'm hurting.
She also occasionally asked for my help with exercises which is normal, but I mean to say that if she was annoyed in any way by me she probably wouldn't do some of those things.
Now, since we live pretty close and walk the same way back home, what happened yesterday is that I asked her how was her workout going, to which she replied she was almost done. I then replied I had one more exercise as well, and told her that we could walk back together if she wants.
She just looked at me for a whole second and said "sure if we finish together"..
I wasn't looking at her at the moment and stayed silent for a few seconds to process. Then as I turned my back and started walking back to my plates she continued "wow did you get sunburnt on your shoulders?". I turned around, smiled and joked for a moment about how that happened and went to finish my workout. I looked around a little and didn't see her anywhere. Went to collect my stuff from the boys' lockers, went over to the booth for a few moments to say hello to the owner of the gym, didn't see her anywhere again so I left.
In my mind if she intended to avoid me, I didn't want to be the guy to pester someone.
Did she hastily leave, stall in order to not bump into me or whatever else I do not know.
Today I was a little annoyed and intentionally didn't try to look at her at all. When we bumped into each other we said hi but it was kind of tense.
We didn't exchange another word, even as I stood close to her at one point and she came and stood close to me herself at a later point.
I tried to catch a glance later in order to evaluate the situation but she intentionally ignored it.
What the hell was that? Even if I'm wrong about everything and she was just friendly, what's the big deal? We've both walked the same direction many times over, me in front of her, her in front of me, might as well just be a friendly invitation to walk back.

 

[michael2]

My guess is that she's not interested in anything further with you.

Im guessing sometimes women like attention even flirting, but that's all they want. And if you try to take it to the next step they get annoyed if they aren't truly into you. It's happened to me

 

[user 139760]

Yeah, it was probably just her being friendly, who knows. If you want to be sure, I'd just come out and ask though.
Also, i assume you're no longer in sn exclusive relationship. If yes, I'd suggest finishing that first.

 

[okidoke]

It’s a difficult situation to assess really, because you obviously see everything from your own perspective whereas as onlookers we might see her actions differently, but if you’re comfortable enough, you could just ask her if you didn’t accidentally make her feel uncomfortable and see what she says. Don’t try to guess or play games because you will most likely have it wrong. If you’re keen on her, just ask her a question like I suggested to re-break the ice, or just forget it. She’s young and who the heck knows what’s going thru their head when smiling and chatting with you.

As it happens, I met my wife in the gym and after a couple interactions I just asked her out. Anything is a possibility.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You know, reading this is actually scary to me , its just the amount of detail… just makes me shiver idk… maybe im just traumatised. No refection on you or anything but trying to type with shaky hands is awkward.

A lot of guys above seem to not know this so I will tell you something a vast amount of women under 25 do, its on my “mind games women play list”… is tell you no or imply a no (even if we want to say yes) to see how you handle it before letting you into more intimate areas of our lives.

Ask to walk me home? I might think that implies you want to move from gym to my house which also implies a future… sexual encounter. As thats typically where the magic happens.

Thus, making sure you can handle a no is very important. If you get annoyed… you kind of fail the test. You know? However, being 19, its often hard to understand that men can be annoyed because of the indirectness not so much the no. Anywho thats my 4 pennies. Maybe try not to over analyse it, most of the time women arent trying to disrespectful to you, most of the time men arent mad over a simple decline but everyones just in their heads and assumptions form.

This to me wasnt a flip to cold… it was a decline, maybe in an immature way?

 

[Teo66]

You know, reading this is actually scary to me , its just the amount of detail… just makes me shiver idk… maybe im just traumatised. No refection on you or anything but trying to type with shaky hands is awkward.

A lot of guys above seem to not know this so I will tell you something a vast amount of women under 25 do, its on my “mind games women play list”… is tell you no or imply a no (even if we want to say yes) to see how you handle it before letting you into more intimate areas of our lives.

Ask to walk me home? I might think that implies you want to move from gym to my house which also implies a future… sexual encounter. As thats typically where the magic happens.

Thus, making sure you can handle a no is very important. If you get annoyed… you kind of fail the test. You know? However, being 19, its often hard to understand that men can be annoyed because of the indirectness not so much the no. Anywho thats my 4 pennies. Maybe try not to over analyse it, most of the time women arent trying to disrespectful to you, most of the time men arent mad over a simple decline but everyones just in their heads and assumptions form.

This to me wasnt a flip to cold… it was a decline, maybe in an immature way?

Hey thanks for the reply! What you said is actually a truth that many men don't know and you are totally correct! I have delt with indirectness and wishy-washy behaviour in early stages of meeting someone new and consider it totally normal especially when dealing with really attractive girls. When they get more intimate with you, it's almost certain they'll share stories about guys creeping on them at various points.
I think it's because of the underlying uncertainty when the girl doesn't feel they know who you are very well. And it can happen because of the funniest reasons too.
A girl I was in a loving relationship with did this as well in the beginning when we met. She later told me that a common friend of ours had told her then that I was a super nice guy, (and by saying that I know he meant no harm, in his mind he thought that would paint me in a good light) but she got the idea that I was kind of "naive", needy or whatever heh. Once we went out 1-2 times she actually started wondering why I wasn't anything like that or how am I not being clingy and fell for me.
I noticed some friends that aren't too good with women follow the pattern of meeting someone new, the woman shows some interest / agrees to go out. Date goes well, friends overshoot multiple stages in their head. Woman strategically ruminates the details regarding the man while man starts to get impatient. Man gives ultimatum/ "I'm not into games if you aren't serious then it's over between us". Woman rockets out of there.
Now regarding gym girl, I never implied to take her home at that point, that would be creepy and out of place, just a hey if you're going we can walk up together (our ways split at some point).
I know I said I got a little annoyed in my head, only because the rest of her behaviour was very inviting and as a human I have feelings, but I never projected this and I know being cautious is normal behaviour, so no need to shiver
Yesterday we met again although briefly because I had plans for the night. I was in a good mood, I went earlier and was super focused on finishing my workout quick. She initiated all smiles asking how I'm doing and also did walk by again staring with a wide smile on one or two occasions so she's fine with me. No rush we'll see

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Hey thanks for the reply! What you said is actually a truth that many men don't know and you are totally correct! I have delt with indirectness and wishy-washy behaviour in early stages of meeting someone new and consider it totally normal especially when dealing with really attractive girls. When they get more intimate with you, it's almost certain they'll share stories about guys creeping on them at various points.
I think it's because of the underlying uncertainty when the girl doesn't feel they know who you are very well. And it can happen because of the funniest reasons too.
A girl I was in a loving relationship with did this as well in the beginning when we met. She later told me that a common friend of ours had told her then that I was a super nice guy, (and by saying that I know he meant no harm, in his mind he thought that would paint me in a good light) but she got the idea that I was kind of "naive", needy or whatever heh. Once we went out 1-2 times she actually started wondering why I wasn't anything like that or how am I not being clingy and fell for me.
I noticed some friends that aren't too good with women follow the pattern of meeting someone new, the woman shows some interest / agrees to go out. Date goes well, friends overshoot multiple stages in their head. Woman strategically ruminates the details regarding the man while man starts to get impatient. Man gives ultimatum/ "I'm not into games if you aren't serious then it's over between us". Woman rockets out of there.
Now regarding gym girl, I never implied to take her home at that point, that would be creepy and out of place, just a hey if you're going we can walk up together (our ways split at some point).
I know I said I got a little annoyed in my head, only because the rest of her behaviour was very inviting and as a human I have feelings, but I never projected this and I know being cautious is normal behaviour, so no need to shiver
Yesterday we met again although briefly because I had plans for the night. I was in a good mood, I went earlier and was super focused on finishing my workout quick. She initiated all smiles asking how I'm doing and also did walk by again staring with a wide smile on one or two occasions so she's fine with me. No rush we'll see

'gym girl,' lol..

I've nothing to add, just thought that was funny..

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hey thanks for the reply! What you said is actually a truth that many men don't know and you are totally correct! I have delt with indirectness and wishy-washy behaviour in early stages of meeting someone new and consider it totally normal especially when dealing with really attractive girls. When they get more intimate with you, it's almost certain they'll share stories about guys creeping on them at various points.
I think it's because of the underlying uncertainty when the girl doesn't feel they know who you are very well. And it can happen because of the funniest reasons too.
A girl I was in a loving relationship with did this as well in the beginning when we met. She later told me that a common friend of ours had told her then that I was a super nice guy, (and by saying that I know he meant no harm, in his mind he thought that would paint me in a good light) but she got the idea that I was kind of "naive", needy or whatever heh. Once we went out 1-2 times she actually started wondering why I wasn't anything like that or how am I not being clingy and fell for me.
I noticed some friends that aren't too good with women follow the pattern of meeting someone new, the woman shows some interest / agrees to go out. Date goes well, friends overshoot multiple stages in their head. Woman strategically ruminates the details regarding the man while man starts to get impatient. Man gives ultimatum/ "I'm not into games if you aren't serious then it's over between us". Woman rockets out of there.
Now regarding gym girl, I never implied to take her home at that point, that would be creepy and out of place, just a hey if you're going we can walk up together (our ways split at some point).
I know I said I got a little annoyed in my head, only because the rest of her behaviour was very inviting and as a human I have feelings, but I never projected this and I know being cautious is normal behaviour, so no need to shiver
Yesterday we met again although briefly because I had plans for the night. I was in a good mood, I went earlier and was super focused on finishing my workout quick. She initiated all smiles asking how I'm doing and also did walk by again staring with a wide smile on one or two occasions so she's fine with me. No rush we'll see

Yeah its like im a psychic deffo wasn't a flip to cold and deffo wasn't anything to worry about, surprise surprise (not for women) but everything is back to normal… I enjoyed adding my 4 pennies to this… I wish you luck with zee gym bunny

 

[SquareBin]

Maybe she's attracted to you but scared of the age difference ?

it makes sense for me in that regard :/ sad but possible

 

[Murakami_1]

She is young, might not know what she wants. Young people's heads work different from ''older'' people. She might like attention or whatever one moment and the other moment she's unsure.

It's good you are going to play the slow game