Can you have too much of a good thing?

[The Good Citizen]

I'm approaching a 1000 posts now and it's got me thinking, can you outstay your time on here? To be honest I joined in a time when I was feeling down and I sort of found my answers and even met my gf and I wonder, what am I still doing on ALL? It's become a way for me to procrastinate at work and I could sometimes do without the temptation to waste so much time on here.

I was thinking, this has been a great site and I'd recommend it to anyone but maybe the ideal is you come in share your feelings, find some answers and move on. If you don't find answers, I think it could become a bit of a crutch for some and rather than helping with loneliness help to sustain it by providing a temporary solution that just becomes a permanent one.

I'm not sure what my point is, it’s certainly not a slight against ALL, maybe just online life in general. While undoubtedly helping people connect, can it become something of a comfort blanket preventing people from achieving what they seem to ultimately seek; real life experiences, lasting real life friendship, a relationship, a sexual life, shared memories and all of the rest of it. Like most things in life, there are pluses to an online existence but I fear it let's people settle for something, rather than finding real contentment.

I am guessing the answers would be to look for a balance between the two and I would probably agree but the lure of the online seems to be stronger than the task of achieving something in the outside world. I suspect for a lot of people it has become out of balance and instead of providing them with a means to connect, its become a comfort haven, killing them with kindness.

 

[Lefty Lonely]

Uh oh. Im brand new here and that doesnt sound encouraging. I can definitely relate to out staying an online life. Ive experienced that in the past and again recently Theres not an awful lot of opportunity in the outside world near me though :-(

 

[The Good Citizen]

I don't want my post to sound disparaging of ALL, its not meant to come across as that, its a great place to get things off your chest and get to know some people. I think for me, I chat to very few people on here though, I just like the opportunity to think about things more than I do in real life, other people's situations etc and form a response. I know really though I spend time on here just to avoid work (I should be knocking up some crappy excel spreadsheet right now!). I've had such a slack year, i've just coasted. I got rid of the internet at home 18 months ago for the same reason, I got fed up with me and my boys all living in our own internt bubble, living together but separately. I am getting it back again soon as there is four of us and I think I'm being a bit selfish and hard line not to have it, I'm always wary though, I have too much **** to do round the house and the internet is like a magnet!

 

[Barbaloot]

Anything like this is good for as long as you need it, or want it. If you don't feel that you need it anymore, it's great to move on. But it doesn't say anything about you or your real life ambitions if you choose to stick around, plenty of people, even those with a lot going on in their lives, still come around for the company and to pass the time and it's fine to have both aspects in your life. But you have to balance it to what ever level works for you.
There are such diverse reasons for why people come on the site in the first place, some aren't really easily remedied.

I wouldn't say it necessarily prevents people from finding what they're seeking in life though, either - some people have found exactly what they are seeking here, even if it is just friends to relate to and chat with, even if you never meet them in real life.

I will honestly say though that a number of the people I have seen on here - ones who consistently can't find the answers to their problems or listen to advice from members here, should really consider therapy instead. There is usually nothing we can say that's a substitute for the help of a qualified therapist and failing to seek therapy is just preventing them from eventually having a quality life. It's at that point that it becomes a problem.

 

[The Good Citizen]

You make a compelling argument, as usual. I think for me my time is probably done. I've got to unregister this weekend, i'm afraid it's all or nothing or I'll be back on in a day or so and I really have to get my head back on at work.

I wish everyone the very best for the future. xx

 

[LoneKiller]

To be honest. It pisses me off a little when people join here, get the help they need, than just leave without much consideration for the members that they have affected. People come here in search of a way to combat loneliness and have some social interactions with others suffering.

I'm not accusing you specifically GC. I'm speaking in general. But it hurts when you make a new cyber friend here and just when you are feeling comfortable and grateful to have a new friend, they leave. It's like downloading a torrent file and not seeding.

Many members I've spoken to since I first joined here are hesitant to open up to others for this very reason. They don't want set themselves up to get hurt. This site is called "A Lonely Life Forums". Not "A Lonely Life Drive-thru Forums".

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it hurts when you finally make a friend and they up and leave on you. I don't care when people say that it's just the internet. It still affects us as people.

 

[Lua]

Aww don't leave
I know what you're saying though. Even though I like being on here, it doesn't exactly increase my productivity... But I know I'll always use some part of the internet as procrastination fuel, and ALL is much much better than following too many tumblr blogs
Good luck with resisting the internet's lure and all the best for the future!

LK, I suppose you could still stay friends with people after they leave the site, and stay in touch through email or skype... Unless they just vanish without previous notice. I know what you mean though, even if I'm not very connected on ALL, I love seeing familiar faces

 

[LoneKiller]

Aww don't leave
I know what you're saying though. Even though I like being on here, it doesn't exactly increase my productivity... But I know I'll always use some part of the internet as procrastination fuel, and ALL is much much better than following too many tumblr blogs
Good luck with resisting the internet's lure and all the best for the future!

LK, I suppose you could still stay friends with people after they leave the site, and stay in touch through email or skype... Unless they just vanish without previous notice. I know what you mean though, even if I'm not very connected on ALL, I love seeing familiar faces

Hi Lua.
I do keep in touch with a couple of ex members via e-mail. But it's just not the same. What if 6 people you really liked left? Keeping current with them would be mildly arduous and time consuming.

Here we have the total package. Smilies, Sigs, Avatars, and many more people to relate to with the benefit of the forum's features that make things much easier and smoother. Also it's like you said. It's nice to log into a forum with familiar faces.

 

[Tealeaf]

Forums can have an addictive pull, but short of removing them from the world entirely there's nothing to be done. It's a personal issue that I've seen on all kinds of forums and it speaks of something deeper than what just logging out can fix: a lack of motivation, a lack of belonging, a lack of opportunity, or a lack of knowing how to connect to others.

You're right that it's really no substitute for an offline life, but it's still full of valuable experiences. You can definitely outgrow a forum, though, as we go through a lot of different periods in our lives and forums tend to have their own atmosphere and crowd of regulars that might suit you at one point in your life but not so much in another.

That said, I also notice that the "I need help" to everything else ratio can be a bit high. I notice it on support sites in general, that the amount of people who want answers or to be consoled is often significantly more than the amount of people who offer it. I think it's just the nature of things, but it's made me a little lazy about being helpful knowing that they'll be gone in a week (maybe not even back to read their own topic, which they may not have even bothered to include important information in) and never around to offer the same.

I probably have PMs to get back to myself after my brief hiatus, but I've spent so much energy this week elsewhere that I'm burnt out socially. My bad.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This, like other places, is simply a stepping stone for most people.
I think it's perfectly normal (and acceptable) for people to move on once
they're done with the place. Some people just come here because they're
bored - not because they're looking for answers.

 

[theraab]

To be honest, I have been thinking about this lately, too - many of the people I have been friends with on here have left.

Anyway, I'll be sorry to see you go GC.

 

[PyramidHead]

Too much of everything can be deadly... the golden rule of toxicology.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Everyone seems to fade from me as well. Were messaging each other, I feel as if we'll be good friends than they vanish. Now anytime someone messages me I wonder how long it'll take for them to stop messaging me. Not cause I want that to happen but lots of good things happened to me, and all of them failed.

 

[Gutted]

As long as it's not effecting you, it's fine. If for example, you were supposed to work but you found yourself stuck online then it would be a problem. I have no problem disconnecting though.