Conundrums

[BeeKeeper]

There came a moment, within a breath where I realized no matter what connection I form with another being I am ultimately alone.

I am not without friends, and by some standards would be considered popular. But my connections are not deep, and run dry quickly. There are so many people around, yet there is something lacking. Its partly from myself, because when people meet me they gather expectations that put me on a pedestal. Soon they realize I am average, and I see their disappointment. Or else I become disappointed by others if they agree to do be able to do something and don't.

I was in love once, and am still in contact with this person. I miss them, and do not hold on, but i still miss that understanding.

I recently have been spending increasing amounts of time on the internet, or connected to the computer. Or overly looking to form bonds with others in my day to day life. I have traveled widely, and my upbringing was diverse. This gives me a jack of trades ability to connect with others, yet doesn't allow anyone near me. There are dark parts to my past that i hold away.

I am alone. Always alone. It is the focus, the drive, the reason for waking. To communicate with others, and work cohesively.
To become aware that soul solitude is a blatant fact of existence.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome to the site, hopefully you can find what you are looking for.

 

[Tiina63]

The fact that others put you on a pedestal and have expectations of you soon after meeting you sounds as though you find it hard to be yourself with people, but that you put on a fake image which you think that they will find more acceptable. (I am not being critical because I often do the same thing.) Maybe if you are 'average' from the beginning with others, they will accept you and not be disappointed because you haven't given them any reasons to expect you not to be average.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

I am alone. Always alone. It is the focus, the drive, the reason for waking. To communicate with others, and work cohesively.
To become aware that soul solitude is a blatant fact of existence.

You are alone. Along with about 7 billion other people alive at this moment right now... What you need to do is say to yourself "It's OK that I'm alone. Who is keeping tabs anyway?" And you'll find that the answer is that you are. If you didn't hold yourself to such high standards, including having a few friends (which is hard to maintain as you age), then you would be able to achieve an inner peace that wouldn't make you feel bad for being who you are. If you are restless in your thoughts, tell them to shut up so you can get on living! I do it all the time and it allows me to focus on what is important, like doing my laundry or eating.

 

[Frito Bandito]

There came a moment, within a breath where I realized no matter what connection I form with another being I am ultimately alone.

I am not without friends, and by some standards would be considered popular. But my connections are not deep, and run dry quickly. There are so many people around, yet there is something lacking. Its partly from myself, because when people meet me they gather expectations that put me on a pedestal. Soon they realize I am average, and I see their disappointment. Or else I become disappointed by others if they agree to do be able to do something and don't.

I was in love once, and am still in contact with this person. I miss them, and do not hold on, but i still miss that understanding.

I recently have been spending increasing amounts of time on the internet, or connected to the computer. Or overly looking to form bonds with others in my day to day life. I have traveled widely, and my upbringing was diverse. This gives me a jack of trades ability to connect with others, yet doesn't allow anyone near me. There are dark parts to my past that i hold away.

I am alone. Always alone. It is the focus, the drive, the reason for waking. To communicate with others, and work cohesively.
To become aware that soul solitude is a blatant fact of existence.

I certainly sympathize with this.

It is telling that you would use the word "soul" instead of "sole", the genius part is that both really work great in that sentence.