Crushes

[cheaptrickfan]

crushes are overrated anyway.......my two cents.

Agreed.

any woman who has figured out what men want and what makes us tick, can make us crush on her in less than five minutes. it's not hard, just a siren song away.

Well what is it then, that makes you guys tick?

I tend to confuse affection for people friend-wise with romantic feelings so erm....

Oh, me too. I still don't always get it.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Well what is it then, that makes you guys tick?

a man wants a woman who wants us to, will allow us to, will appreciate when we do, and will love us for doing the following:

as steve harvey puts it, the three P's (profess, provide, protect)

profess - our love, words don't come easy to us, when we say "i love you" to a woman she needs to understand it is truly, deeply, and powerfully felt.

provide - share all that we have, not all men are rich, but a man in love with you will give you his last chicken nugget! and NOT begrudge you for it.

protect - would walk to the ends of the earth and through the depths of hell within batting an eyelash to save her an ounce of pain. (am i right guys?)

this is how men show love. profess, provide, and protect.

we also want a woman who will not shout the mantra "you are replaceable". no man (or human being regardless of gender) wants to feel like any of the following:

- a "position holder": you, for now, are my true love, until one of these ten guys i am flirting with offers me up something better, then we'll see if you can step up your game...in this situation, the woman is never fully committed to you.

- a "conditional love of my live": you complete me and are everything i want in this world, until things change in my personal situation, then not so much...in this situation, the woman is open to the possibility of other options/choices, this does not allow for real immersion into any sort of relationship beyond the superficial.

- a "happiness provider": you are the love of my life, not because i love you and need you, but because i love the way you make me feel about myself...in this situation, it's not that she is in love with you, instead she is in love with her own emotions/wants/desires, and you happen to be what fulfills them. again, this is a selfish take on love.

no one wants to feel replaceable. we all want to feel invaluable and priceless to our loved one. not because we are perfect or gods in some sense, but because love is asking too much if we put worldly limitations and guidelines on it. love is ... spiritual.

and finally, a man wants to be understood, accepted, and appreciated for being what he is: a man.

men:

- have emotions, but we don't reside in them. it doesn't mean that we don't have them just as deeply as women do. but when a man 'truly' engages his emotions, it can get pretty powerful - even dangerous, so we pick and choose when we 'let it all hang out' emotionally.

- are warriors. at heart, most men are warriors. we know that we possess the strength and the ability to turn the world around us upside-down with one decision. we can unleash hell with our very own hands. we are the most dangerous creatures in existence. some acknowledgment of that fact is crucial. let us be men. it's not about establishing dominance, it's about what is true in nature. those epic scenes in gladiator would look silly with 100,000 women face to face screaming "for honor" and running with swords, spears, and battle axes. us guys, well, we can pull that one off and it is believable.

- are not women: by virtue of who we are, we tend to care less about our clothes, our hair, our appearance, and things of that sort. please don't begrudge us for who we are and how we are. don't try to make us subscribe to the latest trends, or the new stylish haircut, or the preppy clothes, or the 'in' music, or any of that stuff. don't tell us we would be more lovable, more acceptable, more "tolerable" if we were more feminine. it's not nice to hear that it isn't ok to be what you are.

it's not enough to bare with, or to tolerate, or to begrudgingly deal with a man for being who he is and how he is. ideally, a man wants a woman who will actually "love" him for being a man. what a concept!? well, for the most part, it is a foreign concept in this day and age.

for sure, some will say that a lot of what i have written is total bs and they are entitled to that opinion. and that the references to war, and power, and strength are antiquated. well, those references can be taken literally, but for the most part they are figurative and still hold a lot of relevance to who we are in our cores. fifty years of peace, a couple centuries of highly functional government, doesn't change what hundreds of thousands of years and thousands upon thousands of generations have made us into. providers and protectors. if that is antiquated, then so be it.

so, what makes a man tick?

being understood, then wanted, BECAUSE of it, not IN SPITE of it.

any, and i mean ANY, woman who can do this will:
- have any man that her heart desires, or,
- steal any man she wants from a woman who does not do this

*so ladies, there is the secret, use it wisely*

</ man rant>

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Well what is it then, that makes you guys tick?

*so ladies, there is the secret, use it wisely*

</ man rant>

That was kind of a lot of info for just trying to understand the basic mechanisms of a crush.

Wow.

 

[eris]

When I was in a bar one time I ran into an old friend from high school. He said he had a huge crush on me back then. I kind of had a crush on him too back then but I never thought HE would date ME. I kind of got the idea that he didn't have the crush anymore but we talked all night. A couple of years later he was killed in a car accident. His mom put his ashes in a bottle of bud light and sat it up on the mantle.

 

[Badjedidude]

- a "happiness provider": you are the love of my life, not because i love you and need you, but because i love the way you make me feel about myself...in this situation, it's not that she is in love with you, instead she is in love with her own emotions/wants/desires, and you happen to be what fulfills them. again, this is a selfish take on love.

I agree. There's a lot of this going around.

A similar/offshoot role of this is "excitement provider": When a woman confuses love with excitement. I'm sorry, but if the excitment fades sometimes, that does NOT mean that you're not in love anymore. It just means that you need to find a way to bring the excitement back into the relationship together. A lot of women just ditch a guy when she feels that there's no excitement in the relationship anymore, thinking that this signifies the death of the love the two shared.

- have emotions, but we don't reside in them. it doesn't mean that we don't have them just as deeply as women do. but when a man 'truly' engages his emotions, it can get pretty powerful - even dangerous, so we pick and choose when we 'let it all hang out' emotionally.

Well said, man.

- are warriors. at heart, most men are warriors. we know that we possess the strength and the ability to turn the world around us upside-down with one decision. we can unleash hell with our very own hands. we are the most dangerous creatures in existence. some acknowledgment of that fact is crucial. let us be men. it's not about establishing dominance, it's about what is true in nature. those epic scenes in gladiator would look silly with 100,000 women face to face screaming "for honor" and running with swords, spears, and battle axes. us guys, well, we can pull that one off and it is believable.

Just reading that made me feel like a frothy mug of ale with my battle chums. lol

- are not women: by virtue of who we are, we tend to care less about our clothes, our hair, our appearance, and things of that sort. please don't begrudge us for who we are and how we are. don't try to make us subscribe to the latest trends, or the new stylish haircut, or the preppy clothes, or the 'in' music, or any of that stuff. don't tell us we would be more lovable, more acceptable, more "tolerable" if we were more feminine. it's not nice to hear that it isn't ok to be what you are.

It seems sometimes like a lot of men/boys these days are giving in on this issue... that they're letting society tell them to look more feminine, more "clean," more shaven, with glistening spiky hair and makeup and tight ***-jeans. Ughhh.

I'd rather be a man alone than be a girlie-boy with a woman at my side. *shrug*

being understood, then wanted, BECAUSE of it, not IN SPITE of it.

Yup yup yup! I agree totally.

P.S. Women, your man isn't a project. I know that many women have a tendency to want to "fix" a guy, even if it's subconsciously... but seriously, the nagging just sounds like high-pitched squealing. haha so if you want to keep a guy, then don't nag him about ****. If he leaves the toilet seat up, bring up the subject once and if he cares, he'll do his best to remember to leave the seat down.

That was kind of a lot of info for just trying to understand the basic mechanisms of a crush.

I'm not so sure that the mechanisms of a crush are very basic. It's complicated!

 

[Asterli]

No sorry I never have heard that from anyone. Maybe I refuse to believe it. My brother set me up with a collegue of him because she thought I was cute (judging from a photo). She was very gorgeous and I went out with her for three times but I messed that up miserably (still ashamed about how I acted).

Nowadays I don't believe in crushes anymore.

 

[Nina]

J_S_D---
I consider myself to be a very liberated and independent woman but I have to tell you, there is a LOT of wisdom in that post. I agreed with most, if not all of it.
I think society has, in some ways, attempted to combine the natural instincts of both sexes and thus has developed expectations that simply do not fit either. I think this convoluted thinking can lead women to become narcissistic "need machines" or the antipathy being the "Ultimate Angry *****"
I think this same mind set can make men become overtly overbearing and abusive or so consumed with appearence and finace that they misplace their unique human-ness in simply being a man...
I really appreciated the honesty and clarity in the words. You goof around so much in some of your posts, I was sort of waiting for the zinger or the punchline but a very well developed and sincere message was what I got....

 

[QuietGuy]

a man wants a woman who wants us to, will allow us to, will appreciate when we do, and will love us for doing the following:
...
protect - would walk to the ends of the earth and through the depths of hell within batting an eyelash to save her an ounce of pain. (am i right guys?)

You're so right! The desire to protect the one you love is so powerful and so wonderful. A true measure of your love is your reply to the question: "How far would you go to protect her? How much pain would you absorb to keep her safe?"

 

[Dessa]

Bump

Man, if I ever find out this guy I pined for throughout high school had a crush on me I would be so pissed.

Hmm... there was this other guy who had a crush on me (and whom I had a slight crush on, too) but I don't know I just never pursued it. Unrequitted crush is just so much more interesting for me. Don't judge.

:club: