Curious behaviour

[ladyforsaken]

Haha, I'm actually the same myself. I either sort of force myself to talk and so talk lots, or I don't talk at all and go really shy

I sort of wonder if she's kind of miffed that I've been chatting with other girls or something, because she seems to purposely ignore me a little (talking to other guys more) when other girls are being friendly with me.

I feel kind of awkward too, because back when she was more jokey we could talk about stuff so much more easily. Now I'm reduced to the awkward "generic topics of discussion" whenever I see her. As a result asking her to meet up again or even just being friendly is so much more difficult

Awww that could just be it then. Do you really like her? If you do and feel like you wanna explore if you can go further than just friends, I'd say you give her more attention.

 

[BrokenInside]

Some girls are just flirty irrespective of their relationship status. Just ignore her!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Awww that could just be it then. Do you really like her? If you do and feel like you wanna explore if you can go further than just friends, I'd say you give her more attention.

Well, I tried. I don't really understand what I did "wrong", but I guess she's not interested in me now.

I asked in semi-subtle fashion (since we hadn't met up since that previous event we went to together) how she was doing and if she wanted to meet up...absolutely no response.

I'm starting to get a bit fed up with being treated like this in general, frankly.

Typically I meet a girl, we get on well, girl seems to like me, we have fun together, girl's friends hint that we should hang out more...then the girl suddenly acts like I'm dead to her or something.

It perplexes me. I seem to live in a world where girls flirt with me almost every day, sometimes really strongly...but actually dating one that really seems to like me? Absolutely impossible. Gah.

(As an aside, I'll admit that other girls flirted with me when the girl I liked was around, but I didn't go crazy flirting back because I liked her the most. Even so, seems that even just being kind to other ladies struck the death knell on my romantic prospects.)

 

[theraab]

I hate to go back to the first story, but the person who mentioned that the girl in that story had a boyfriend - was that by chance another girl in the class? Is it possible that the person (if it was a girl) mentioned that because she has an interest in you herself?

As for this pattern of girls flirting with you, then not wanting to date you - and you have mentioned this is past posts, so it does seem to be a pattern - I think that you may need to pull the trigger on asking these girls out faster. If a girl flirts with you, then you don't ask her out, and then sees you talking/flirting with other girls, how do you think she feels? Since you're not in a relationship with her, your move isn't meant to make her jealous - it would seem like you weren't any more interested in her than the other girls you're flirting with.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you seem to think these girls are sending mixed signals, when you are doing the same (at least, it would appear so from where they stand).

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I hate to go back to the first story, but the person who mentioned that the girl in that story had a boyfriend - was that by chance another girl in the class? Is it possible that the person (if it was a girl) mentioned that because she has an interest in you herself?

It was another girl, yep. But I don't think she was keen on me.

As for this pattern of girls flirting with you, then not wanting to date you - and you have mentioned this is past posts, so it does seem to be a pattern - I think that you may need to pull the trigger on asking these girls out faster. If a girl flirts with you, then you don't ask her out, and then sees you talking/flirting with other girls, how do you think she feels?

I don't know, presumably the same way I feel when I see girls I like talk to other guys? (IE. I feel that's fine if I'm not going out with someone).

I honestly don't know how girls see me, so I have no clue how thery feel. It was only when she seemed a bit dejected after I danced with another girl that I figured she perhaps liked me after all. And that was after a "date" of sorts :\

Since you're not in a relationship with her, your move isn't meant to make her jealous - it would seem like you weren't any more interested in her than the other girls you're flirting with.

Sorry, I'm not sure I 100% understand what you mean in the first part of the sentence. But the second bit...yeah. I guess I realised that too late...

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you seem to think these girls are sending mixed signals, when you are doing the same (at least, it would appear so from where they stand).

Oh, you don't sound harsh, it's fine. Nice to have someone try and explain this to me

I don't know how to ask a girl out, much less express that I like her. It's just out of my comprehension at the moment. So I guess maybe I do send mixed signals?

But I still feel like girls aren't clear with me, either. Even if I just do nothing, girls seem to go from being wildly super-nice to me at one moment to just going totally cold the next.

With this girl, it actually hurts a little because I thought she was pretty awesome. That was about 2 weeks ago...and now she just ignores me completely

 

[ladyforsaken]

Oh I'm sorry to hear about this TSM *hugs*

I think theraab has a point there.

Like what he said, it's probably a matter of timing, to nab the opportunity before they don't bother anymore. :\

 

[ardour]

You probably didn't give her the attention she wanted. Sounds like the hot/cold behaviour is an ego trip for her (not the nicest kind of person.)
Don't get cut up about it, don't say hello, just ignore her.

 

[theraab]

I don't know how to ask a girl out, much less express that I like her.

Asking a girl out is not that difficult - if a girl seems flirty, it is as simple as "hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee after dance class?" or "would you like to continue this conversation over at _____?" or, "can I buy you dinner on Friday?" And, you don't need to express that you like her overtly; you asking her out should make that clear.

That little part in your brain that keeps saying "if she says no, then it'll hurt" - ignore that part; think about the even quieter voice that says "if I don't make my move, it'll hurt more when she moves on to another guy". Look at it this way, if your goal is to have a relationship, if you ask her, there is a chance you will fail - but if you don't ask her, it is guaranteed that you'll fail.

But I still feel like girls aren't clear with me, either. Even if I just do nothing, girls seem to go from being wildly super-nice to me at one moment to just going totally cold the next.

With this girl, it actually hurts a little because I thought she was pretty awesome. That was about 2 weeks ago...and now she just ignores me completely

Sorry about this most recent girl. But, like I said, the girls might get the feeling that you aren't being clear with them. Girls don't like to be rejected either - if you don't make your move, they might take that as you not being interested, and move on so as not to be rejected.

Having said that, though, some people just send out mixed signals.

 

[Stranger]

The girl is in this dance class... and where is her boyfriend? Somewhere else. I wouldn't assume that they're a happy couple - sounds like they have significantly different interests, or possibly are not even that close or experiencing problems. I obvioulsy wouldn't get my hopes up, but there is a possibility that she really is interested in someone new...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Asking a girl out is not that difficult - if a girl seems flirty, it is as simple as "hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee after dance class?" or "would you like to continue this conversation over at _____?" or, "can I buy you dinner on Friday?" And, you don't need to express that you like her overtly; you asking her out should make that clear.

Ugh, I guess in this case I did indeed ask her out, then. And she did hang out with me after I asked. Unfortunately after that I screwed up in colossal fashion by trying not to show her "too much" interest (I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable since we weren't officially dating).

Instead it appears that I just came across as a cold, unfeeling person or something.

Ironically by trying not to hurt people's feelings I seem to do exactly that.

Sorry about this most recent girl. But, like I said, the girls might get the feeling that you aren't being clear with them. Girls don't like to be rejected either - if you don't make your move, they might take that as you not being interested, and move on so as not to be rejected.

Having said that, though, some people just send out mixed signals.

Thanks for the advice, I do appreciate it

I think it's just this glass ceiling I have to break through, after which things like this will be a lot easier to understand and act on. Since I don't have 100% confidence in myself, I really struggle to definitively ask a girl out with no holding back.

There's another girl right now, for example, who often seems to flirt with me, stuff like just standing close to me, touching my arm or whatever. But I can't really get closer to her because it's not clear whether she has a guy in her life or not either...

Nothing ever seems to be simple. It's never a case of "Girl likes me, I like girl, awesome relationship time." Instead it's more like "Girl subtly likes me, but no longer does" or "Girl is really into me, but has a boyfriend" :\

*Sigh* Anyway, that's enough venting. Just kinda confused. I even met a new girl last week who was really sweet to me and seemed a little nervous (in a cute way) when we were talking. So I'm at least happy that there's not a lack of nice girls, it's just that I fail totally at showing that I like them back