Curse the day! Hail the night!

[A lone wolf]

Again, here I find myself sitting in front of this familiar dark screen. The comforting and silent atmosphere finally imposes its majestic mood down on me, after another long and painful day in the trenches, surrounded by the loud shallow voices that penetrate my head like a sharp knife.
My hand reaches for that bottle of wine that I didn’t finish last night. I taste it, and it tastes like home again. Looks like I’m ready for one more night on my own.
With my lungs filled with cigarette smoke and my heart filled with alcohol, I put on some music that I find the most suitable to my mood. It’s amazing how someone I’ve never meet can tell me so much about myself, just through the lyrics of a song. “How can I feel so good and so bad at the same time?” I ask myself… I usually ask myself a lot of questions; questions to which most of them I’ll never have an answer. But I don’t dwell on it. My personal experience tells me that there’s just no point.
Ah, finally the night arrives... My beautiful and beloved nocturnal sky. I pour another glass and light one more cigarette. My eyes gaze at the stars and at the moon in the dark infinity above, as I sit there wishing I was up there too. Yeah, you can say I’m some kind of a dreamer, maybe that’s one of the reasons I want to escape reality so bad.
I take another sip and feel the warmth down my throat. Feeling much better now.
Most would tell me that I drink too much. Well, I don’t need them to tell me something that I already know. In fact, I don’t need them to tell me anything at all! Because every time people around here flap their mouths, I have to run and look for cover, since I don’t want to hear their ******** about whatever.
Maybe I’m lonely because I choose to be. Or maybe I just don’t like people very much. But I like other things, like riding my motorcycle and reading books. Yeah, books are way more interesting than people. Anything that doesn’t talk trash is more interesting than people. So I guess I’ll just sit here, shrouded with my misanthropy and not really giving a **** if I drink myself into a stupor.
People seek for their own kind. But my kind is a dying breed so I can only find disappointment in this place. I’m alone, not because I want to, but because I have no choice. It’s either my sanity or the insanity of others.
So I choose to walk alone over letting others push me into the abyss of the mediocrity of the herds.
Curse the day! Hail the night!

 

[IgnoredOne]

Good luck with rehab.

 

[Felix]

I was a little bit like that this year (but without the drinking and smoking), I ended up going to sleep at sunrise... My shrink gave me a drug called Somit, now I'm going to bed at a normal hour.

 

[aribeth]

I do better during the day, especially if the sun is shining. Come nightfall the solitude really hits me hard. All there is, is the computer and 4 walls. The feeling is very alone. By 11pm I have had enough, take my meds and crawl into bed and await sleep to overcome me.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Wow. I hope things get better for you in the future. I drained myself in misery too.... but I had to get myself out of it. Not judging you at all. You do deserve happiness though and I hope you get it one day.

 

[perfanoff]

Again, here I find myself sitting in front of this familiar dark screen. The comforting and silent atmosphere finally imposes its majestic mood down on me, after another long and painful day in the trenches, surrounded by the loud shallow voices that penetrate my head like a sharp knife.
My hand reaches for that bottle of wine that I didn’t finish last night. I taste it, and it tastes like home again. Looks like I’m ready for one more night on my own.
With my lungs filled with cigarette smoke and my heart filled with alcohol, I put on some music that I find the most suitable to my mood. It’s amazing how someone I’ve never meet can tell me so much about myself, just through the lyrics of a song. “How can I feel so good and so bad at the same time?” I ask myself… I usually ask myself a lot of questions; questions to which most of them I’ll never have an answer. But I don’t dwell on it. My personal experience tells me that there’s just no point.
Ah, finally the night arrives... My beautiful and beloved nocturnal sky. I pour another glass and light one more cigarette. My eyes gaze at the stars and at the moon in the dark infinity above, as I sit there wishing I was up there too. Yeah, you can say I’m some kind of a dreamer, maybe that’s one of the reasons I want to escape reality so bad.
I take another sip and feel the warmth down my throat. Feeling much better now.
Most would tell me that I drink too much. Well, I don’t need them to tell me something that I already know. In fact, I don’t need them to tell me anything at all! Because every time people around here flap their mouths, I have to run and look for cover, since I don’t want to hear their ******** about whatever.
Maybe I’m lonely because I choose to be. Or maybe I just don’t like people very much. But I like other things, like riding my motorcycle and reading books. Yeah, books are way more interesting than people. Anything that doesn’t talk trash is more interesting than people. So I guess I’ll just sit here, shrouded with my misanthropy and not really giving a **** if I drink myself into a stupor.
People seek for their own kind. But my kind is a dying breed so I can only find disappointment in this place. I’m alone, not because I want to, but because I have no choice. It’s either my sanity or the insanity of others.
So I choose to walk alone over letting others push me into the abyss of the mediocrity of the herds.
Curse the day! Hail the night!

On the other hand, you can be a loner and esteem yourself enough to look at society as a whole in the eye and stand your ground But you have to be strong if you want to go off the beaten path.