Dating someone bipolar, need some advice.

[SlavicNa97]

36 (F), I am currently in a long distance relationship with someone I have known for 3+ years. I had just gotten out of a relationship 3 months ago, which lasted a yr and half because the person had to move overseas. Before that I was married and divorced (due to alcohol abuse). The current boyfriend (let's call him Sam) lived in Seattle, and was a fwb when we first met. (Back when he was in NY) At the time I was exploring myself because I had gotten out of an abusive marriage, being bi I also pursued females,etc.

Sam and I shared a similar past, where we were both sexually abused. We had a lot of passion for each other, and he made me feel special. But ultimately I moved on because of different goals in life and I wasn't ready to date someone with bipolar. We kept on touch, he was not over me even though he dated a few people. So after my last breakup I decided to give this a try because he wanted the same things I wanted, commitment, marriage, and kids. He come to visit for a bit, but due to sudden database breach of his company and pending lawsuits he went back to Seattle, he promised he would move back after his trip with his parents. He went through a small period of depression, where communication was lacking. We then started texting on a consistent basis, about future plans, etc. But the texting stopped this week, and I was looking forward to seeing him because initially he was suppose to come back last week. His last text was Wed night that he's sorry he's been distant, but he was either too busy or had no desire to text. I didn't know if he's going through moods, but I texted him that he needs to let me know what's going on, and to call me if we're continuing to be long distance. And hopefully let me know when he's coming back because I am looking forward to seeing him. I didn't want to seem desperate, and am hoping he'll make things right. I'm trying to prepare to mentally move on, but I also really want to see where this can go if situation gets better, because I do think he loves. He trust me with his inner thoughts, and provides emotional support, and I love him even as a friend. My gut says to give it a little more time, but I have to prepare if things don't work out, and it does hurt to be in this position.

I can share my experience with bipolar guy (6 years older). I met him on one discord server, we became friends, I saw how does he look and I fell in after few months of friendship. He was saying that sex stuff is must have and his way of talking is specific like changing mind, giving mixed signals or sharing with me things what I hate (he knew that I am into him but over all was sending to me episode from anime or any influencer saying "I like her" and when I pointed at this that I hate it as a me, he was like "Are you jealous? They are just my fantasies" and acting innocent). He was into FwB only, he wanted only nudes and kept promising that he will be nicer in talking, more friendly (let's ignore the fact, talk and his way never changed, it was pushing me down and I was in a defensive and "ready to attack with his fantasies" position, in time I became emotionless too). A while ago I used chat GPT to say that I can only be friends with him because I hate how he talks to me, I am not into FwB. He removed me. We have known each other for 1-2 years I guess? Idk how much exactly. I had situations when he was removing (he felt that he hates people and was removing everyone) and adding me. He has explosive mood. I was tolerating him and explaining his behavior even if I was much hurt.

I had also a friend from Malaysia (around my age), he is pretty political, similar family issues , hikikomori, and also explosive. Not believing in himself (a quick example: he can't find a work to run away, doesn't want to listen to my the most simple advice, he says he doesn't care if he will die or not so he will apply for their airlines what are taken down, he doesn't care if it is tiring - I knew some about stewardess work and wanted at least share what I know, what he has to be prepared for), he shared with me some his situations:

"I had a gf, all of sudden after a while I just left without a word and to make sure I will forget about her, I removed my account", I told him "Just come back even for a moment and apologize simply to close the chapter", "No, I won't. She forgot about me for sure. It was few months ago. It is late" (I have my own view but I know he won't listen).
There could be more but I forgot some + I can't check for a simple reason: without any warning, once I noticed he removed all his messages (one after another) and I saw his post on a server saying something like "I know that for sure today I lost my best friend" and my brain exploded, I was like "WTFFF?!?!?!" and I said to myself that I am all done, Idc what way he will choose, if he will survive or not, removing all his messages was way too far for me and I blocked him forever (only his best friend texted me to ask for political perspective and stopped to text me; Idc about that friend so whatever). I only said to him that I am done and probably the main friend has bipolar (bestie from Germany told me it looks that way). I heard from the 1st Malaysian that psychology sucks in his country and how bad things are in general and idk if he will ever go to check out if he has or not but I said to myself that Idc.

I believe it was bipolar because there is a specific scheme in their behavior and 1 they share: I am their friend but at the same time enemy. They (especially Malaysian) all of sudden were able to act like a completely different person and I said to myself that I am done with bipolar people. I gave myself way too much.

It is my experience and I won't say what you must or mustn't to do but if it is tiring you and you see very well how things go. When bipolar hits, some things aren't possible sometimes (ofc it matters if he works on himself).

All the best I wish for you and strength.