Dealing with social anxiety

[Aya]

The first thing I want to say is this: Getting more involved in the community has helped in reducing my anxiety levels by up to 80%. I am not nearly as anxious when I enter into a situation that's social. I teach English as a second language six days a week, I study (or practice) martial arts four days a week, and I attend upgrading classes three days a week. If it wasn't for my willingness to get out there and face the world (reality), I wouldn't have recovered as much as I did.

The lie is that people who have social anxiety are bound to their inability to function normally in society. The bull must be grabbed by the horns. Life will always through obstacles at you, but if you are willing to tackle situations that would normally make you feel extremely uncomfortable, you will find yourself having the last laugh every time.

One thing I like to do when I'm in a situation that I feel somewhat uncomfortable in is remind myself that time is ticking. I know when I teach the English language that at 4:30, it's time to pack things up. Constantly reminding myself that I'm not stuck in that situation forever helps me get through it. The same thing goes for every social situation I'm in.

Unfortunately, I still feel uncomfortable most of the time in social situations, but I have trained my mind to deal with it. The fear of confronting a situation that is uncomfortable doesn't faze me anymore. Even if it is awkward, it's just a moment in time that is guaranteed to pass.

I hope this advice helps someone.

 

[loketron]

glad your doing better aya! and 80% is almost being done with it so good for yous! i wish i had your pleasent outlook on confronting these things.
life can be tough as hell sometime but its true, all you can do is face fear head on. i seem to understand that im jacked up but dont try to do anything about it
lame

anyways, thanks for the post!

 

[Timeless]

I do that alot, when i'm in a uncomfortable situation then i just remind myself that it'll eventually pass.
It helps to do that but it still follows me even after the time has passed.
Like if i mess up during interviews for job internships or when i freezed up talking to this girl i liked or if i just made myself look really stupid in front of my class.
I end thinking it about it for the rest of the day and more.
And eventually i just end of thinking that i should said this a certain way or i should did this or that another way.
But i end of thinking about it for a while.
I mean it i do forget about it eventually but it still bothers me for a while and then my productivity / confidence falls for the day.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, Aya. Good first post!

----Steve

 

[Aya]

I do that alot, when i'm in a uncomfortable situation then i just remind myself that it'll eventually pass.
It helps to do that but it still follows me even after the time has passed.
Like if i mess up during interviews for job internships or when i freezed up talking to this girl i liked or if i just made myself look really stupid in front of my class.
I end thinking it about it for the rest of the day and more.
And eventually i just end of thinking that i should said this a certain way or i should did this or that another way.
But i end of thinking about it for a while.
I mean it i do forget about it eventually but it still bothers me for a while and then my productivity / confidence falls for the day.

?

Ok, good point. The same thing happens to me. But that's where you have to remain humble, and recognize that you are human, and that you are bound to make mistakes here and there. Tonight I made a total fool of myself infront of my entire Karate club, by telling them that I had social anxiety. I could tell they were looking at me like I was a little off, and I felt like I violated myself by sharing too much personal information about my problems. But look at me now, I am relaxing to a hot cup of green tea. I'm hardly thinking of what happened. And I'm not going to get paranoid and think that they are all at home dwelling on the things that I said. You have to realize that everyone is in the same boat, even if it doesn't appear that they are by your own observations. Some people are really social and get a lot of attention when they talk, but when you really think about it, they kinda talk a little bit too much. People love to listen, but not all night. I mean, that's one sided conversation. Nobody likes that. Life is going to throw stuff at you, that's a given, and sometimes it will be very frustrating, but remember that tomorrow is always a new day, and that you're important just like everyone else. If I was given a dollar for every time I made a fool out of myself, I would be a multi millionair. I learned to just stop caring what other people think of me, without losing peoples respect. I treat people the way I would like to be treated, and if I screw up or make myself look like an idiot, big deal. Life goes on, and I know who I am inside. I'm far from a stupid person. And you're far from a stupid person.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

After isolating myself for over a year....everything got awkward.
My mind and body had adjusted to being and living alone. I was kind of a weird condition I've gotten myself into.
Observing myself was a bit tough becuase mentally I was a bit foggy. I've learned to be an observer throughout the years.
Not judging myself...just observing. It's one of the reason why I write a lot or keep a journal....

In this light...I've also learn to saperate myself from my behavior or living conditions.
I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my feelings, I'm not my actions. I'm not my behaviors...I have these things.

What help me was...I been well before. I remember what it was like to feel well and think clearly.
Never the less...I still had to get out of rut I've gotten myself into. I didn't get that way overnight...
It happened little by little...In this light, I also knew that I would get well again little by little.

At the stage of being...I was far..far from thinking about relationship, friendships, employment..etc
Being around people made me want to vommit.

I made little change..set goals that I can accomplish. Getting out of the house for at least 5 mins...
I remember taking a peek outside , staring at my door...steping out side for a couple of mins ..then hual ass back into my room.
Sunlight felt like knives cutting my skin...I turned into a vampire.lol

Then I started riding my bike at a near by park....I'd see people out and about...but I still kept my distance.
I remember disciplining myself to sit at the park for at least a couple of hours a day..it was a goal I set for myself.
I also started jogging...it was another goal I set for myself. I also knew physical excersize would help my depression.
I observe my mind and body experincing agony just taking one lap jog around the park....
"I think I can...I thinking I can..." I also discipline myself or made a commitment...that I would at least jog or walk
2 miles per day....wheather I jog it or walk it....it didn't matter...as long as I got it done...no matter how long it took.
Gradually I apply the samething to riding my bike...I went from struggling riding my bike for a mile to riding my bike 10 miles...
I also discipline myself to take a differnent route everyday....CHANGES ..I needed to make changes or change the conditions.

I'm also ex-military...I understand the concept of self discipline...I had to start applying it in my life again.
It works if you work it.

I'm also a lead guitarist...I didn't come out of the woumbs...screaming the pentatonic scale...
I had to practice...practice..practice...and be willing learn. Lots of dedications and passion.
I emulated or learn the riffs or licks of guitarist that I thought was kick ass...
I knew I couldn't and wouldn't be a able to play and sound exactly like them...I didn't want to.
One thing about play a guitar is...no two guitar player sounds or play exaclty the same.
There's no piont in comparing or completing againts others...The only competion is within myself or self improvment.
There's not a right way or wrong way to play music.....there's some general guild lines or structure.
Never the less I'm free to write music and play my guitar anyway i want....life is like music to me.
The pricnicple of a healthy life is within music. I need not be a fucken monk or spiritual guru. I can apply the same principles
of music into my life.

I've learn some not so good habits in my playing technique...I had to retrain myself.
I veiw my unhealthy habits in my life the sameway....
I've made millions of mistake and played millions of sour notes. Thought making those mistakes...I've learn to play better.
I never beat up myself for making mistakes on my guitar. I just practice more to improve myself or made adjustments...

Stage frieght...every musician had to face stage frieght at one time or another.
You're really putting yourself out there.
The more you get on stage....the more you get accustom to being on stage and feeling at ease.


What I'am saying is...whatever your love, drive, passions that you have...whether it be drawing, writting, art, teaching, science, music, computers, sports...
You have these principles within you already. You already have the answers that you seek inside of you already.
Just apply it to other areas of your life.

I also remember complete strangers or neighbours...waving and saying hello to me...progress.

After a couple months of that...I decided to attend my support group...I made a commitment to myself.
90 meetings in 90 days....I remember sitting in the conner and shaking...wanting to vommit.
A woman sitting next to me...spoke to me. She told me..."you isolated your self didn't ya??....been there done that"
It made me laugh...
After about a month of that...she and I would talk all the time after meetings...

Graudaully I started sharing in meetings. Talking in a group of people about a lot of deep stuff has also help
me...on the flip side...I also had to listen to people share...that also helped me aquired listining skills....

Graudaully i met more people that i can trust or friends....All of my friends give my hugs....progress.

One foot in front of the other...little by little

Today...I drive my co-works and some freinds crazy...becuase I won't STFU.

I still apply the same principle in my life today...I'm still in the process...Life is continous as long as I live.