Difficulty finding partners when your gorgeous

[Just Games]

Attractive, beautiful people have difficulties finding the right partners too?

 

[tsar]

Whats this obsession with beautiful people. Everyone is(ok not everyone ive seen some proper gremlin looking people)

Im not going to focus on meeting anyone anymore. Waste of energy. It drained me and made me a bit bitter. Rather be by yourself than the wrong person.

 

[Abstamyous]

Do all the reasonable people believe they are gorgeous to begin with?

 

[Just Games]

It can even end in disaster!They don't always choose the right partners,the wrong ones choose them because they are tall and attractive, not beneficial for a long relationship.

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Do all the reasonable people believe they are gorgeous to begin with?

I don't know, but other people think they are geourgeous...it can be a burden??

In my little circle,I know not really representative, but two attractive tall men that were chosen/asked out by their partners,both of their relationships ended in disaster.I know of four short,fat /skinny average looking men that have long term partners.

 

[Sunless Sky]

While physical attractivness is a necessity, it is only the first hurdle to finding a partner. The most beneficial aspect of a person to look for is the chemistry you share. So, to answer your question, yes, while beautiful people may not have trouble finding partners for short term relatioships, they might still have difficulties finding partners for long and meaningful relationships.

 

[Just Games]

While physical attractivness is a necessity, it is only the first hurdle to finding a partner. The most beneficial aspect of a person to look for is the chemistry you share. So, to answer your question, yes, while beautiful people may not have trouble finding partners for short term relatioships, they might still have difficulties finding partners for long and meaningful relationships.

Thankyou..I rest my case  

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think I'm pretty, but everyone else seems to think I am, so even "pretty" people have insecurities and issues that impact their chances of finding a partner.
And as Sunless Sky said, just because pretty people can get relationships doesn't mean they are good ones. I know many people who get into relationships just so they aren't alone and you know what? They typically always end within a year, if they last that long. Perhaps that's why a certain few here think it's so unfair. Yes, they have a lot of relationships, but a lot of them don't know jack **** about being in a decent relationship, so they typically **** it up.

 

[Nicolelt]

I do not think I am attractive...but I am told that I am. I am doing a few things to improve my looks though. Some of the most attractive people I know are so super insecure, anxious and depressed that they are getting in their own way of a relationship.

 

[Just Games]

Whats this obsession with beautiful people.  Everyone is(ok not everyone ive seen some proper gremlin looking people) 

Im not going to focus on meeting anyone anymore.  Waste of energy.  It drained me and made me a bit bitter.  Rather be by yourself than the wrong person.

Gremlin peeps??Short ,fat ,sweet and hairy,(mowgwai) or short,scaley skinny and scary?I know both of these people I play cards with them.

In fact the short ,average, bald people I know are the loudest most confident characters, whereas the tall attractive people are reserved,qiuet, thoughtful people.Draw your own conclusions but I think that confidence really helps rather than looks.

 

[user 115627]

In fact the short ,average, bald people I know are the loudest most confident characters, whereas the tall attractive people are reserved,quiet, thoughtful people.Draw your own conclusions but I think that confidence really helps rather than looks.

Or you put on a show because your mediocrity probably isn't going to draw attention, so you have to advertise your presence somehow and cannot rely on attractiveness. Look how easy it was to turn that around...point being, it's not that easy to get to the bottom of the situation.

Of course attractive people have relationship troubles too, but being ugly or mediocre isn't one of them. You can even be neurotic about your attractiveness but that's an issue of self-image and only does so much for how you are perceived by other people, certainly at the initial stage.

Billionaires have problems too, but being poor isn't one of them...

 

[Just Games]

In fact the short ,average, bald people I know are the loudest most confident characters, whereas the tall attractive people are reserved,quiet, thoughtful people.Draw your own conclusions but I think that confidence really helps rather than looks.

Or you put on a show because your mediocrity probably isn't going to draw attention, so you have to advertise your presence somehow and cannot rely on attractiveness. Look how easy it was to turn that around...point being, it's not that easy to get to the bottom of the situation.

Of course attractive people have relationship troubles too, but being ugly or mediocre isn't one of them. You can even be neurotic about your attractiveness but that's an issue of self-image and only does so much for how you are perceived by other people, certainly at the initial stage.

Billionaires have problems too, but being poor isn't one of them...

Stay with me Rodent this is a bit off the wall.But how do you know attractive people are not seen as ugly to some people.Many people are attracted by wit and brains,charachter not attractiveness they are not interested, possibly brainwashed that attractive  people are unattainable,aloof which can be a turn off aswell and can be seen as ugly .Often as not this is because the attractive person is shy.But people don't see that they assume all attractive people are confident.Therefore their dating pool is limited because the people they really want,like nerdy,average (Whatever that is)intelligent people to date are unattainable because they are turned off by attractiveness so are not interested.I actually feel sorry for attractive people.I bet they suffer more than average people in dating..how can we assume they are happier than average people and get better opportunities in finding partners,opportunities maybe they don't really want because they want to work for them not jump the queue because of their attractiveness.
Say for example you find yourself sitting next to Pierce Brosnam(James Bond) in a restaurant, you ask for a selfie with him and he sais "no" with the air of aloofness.Like many people grade him as attractive but at that point you would think he's ugly.You get me!

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Being someone who's never really received attention from women, I can only conclude I'm not one of those "beautiful people" of which you speak. I often wish I was, just to see whether or not life would be much different.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm sure that attractive people do have all these problems listed. I'd imagine it's like choice paralysis, where you have so many options you don't know which will be best, so many different paths to choose and experience but you can only choose one.

Still, it's all about the power of choice. It feels a hell of a lot better when you have the power of choice in life, instead of feeling kicked around by circumstances, having limits imposed on you, having no choice at all.

It sucks when you go through life feeling like all the good stuff is for someone else, for other people who are just "better" than you, and there's nothing you can do about it because you just weren't born with the right stuff, or just aren't lucky. It makes it hard to want to get up in the morning, to be curious, enthusiastic, or care about much of anything.

 

[ardour]

Just Games: "But people don't see that they assume all attractive people are confident.Therefore their dating pool is limited because the people they really want,like nerdy,average (Whatever that is)intelligent people to date are unattainable because they are turned off by attractiveness so are not interested."

I don't see this attitude as  being the norm. Attractive people in general are seen as more likeable.  Also if you're attractive it's possible to dress down and not accentuate your physical attributes in that case, whereas it's a lot more difficult for a short, balding, facially unattractive man to do anything other than appear presentable.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Just Games: "But people don't see that they assume all attractive people are confident.Therefore their dating pool is limited because the people they really want,like nerdy,average (Whatever that is)intelligent people to date are unattainable because they are turned off by attractiveness so are not interested."

I don't see this attitude as  being the norm. Attractive people in  general are seen as more likeable.  Also if you're attractive it's possible to dress down and not accentuate your physical attributes in that case, whereas it's a lot more difficult for a short, balding, facially unattractive man to do anything other than appear presentable.

I'm pretty sure his whole point is that you are just ASSUMING what you want and not listening to what people are telling you that they personally experience every day.  I don't really think you are aware of how many people put on an act because they feel they have to because of that stupid "norm" you try to put on everything.

 

[Aardra]

every male-identifying person I speak to who has this attitude comes off as incredibly entitled. they're not upset that they can't find a girl; they're upset that they can't find the girl they want. they tend to harbor negative feelings, even disgust, towards women who don't fit their very narrow definition of attractiveness and then go sour when they get rejected by women who have put in the work on themselves. they have unattainable expectations of women but cry foul when anyone suggests even a modicum of self-betterment for themselves. it's a cycle that only leads to depression and hostility.

either better yourself, or lower your expectations. that's the reality.

 

[mgill]

Being someone who's never really received attention from women, I can only conclude I'm not one of those "beautiful people" of which you speak. I often wish I was, just to see whether or not life would be much different.

precisely-i could not have said it better myself.  as the old saying goes, the proof is in the pudding.  attractive men attract women and unattractive men do not-it's as simple as that really.

physical attractiveness is certainly not the deciding factor when it comes to success for a LTR but the tremendous benefit that attractive men have over lesser males is a much wider range of options.  what they do with the options they have is an entirely different question.

in my own case (apparently others too), i am all too well aware of my own level of unattractiveness due to my total lack of success with women.  i am certain that i would have never even heard of this forum if i were even only of average height & face.

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Just Games: "But people don't see that they assume all attractive people are confident.Therefore their dating pool is limited because the people they really want,like nerdy,average (Whatever that is)intelligent people to date are unattainable because they are turned off by attractiveness so are not interested."

I don't see this attitude as  being the norm. Attractive people in  general are seen as more likeable.  Also if you're attractive it's possible to dress down and not accentuate your physical attributes in that case, whereas it's a lot more difficult for a short, balding, facially unattractive man to do anything other than appear presentable.

exactly-when a tall, good looking man dresses down he is being casual.  when someone like me does this i'm a slob. when a hot guy is shy and quiet, he is mysterious.  when a short, ugly man is shy & quiet he is creepy and lacks confidence.

the main reason why most attractive men are so confident in the first place is because they have a lifetime of positive reinforcement due to their looks.  not so easy when one instead has a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement, again due to their looks & height (or the lack thereof).

 

[TheSkaFish]

every male-identifying person I speak to who has this attitude comes off as incredibly entitled. they're not upset that they can't find a girl; they're upset that they can't find the girl they want. they tend to harbor negative feelings, even disgust, towards women who don't fit their very narrow definition of attractiveness and then go sour when they get rejected by women who have put in the work on themselves. they have unattainable expectations of women but cry foul when anyone suggests even a modicum of self-betterment for themselves. it's a cycle that only leads to depression and hostility.

either better yourself, or lower your expectations. that's the reality.

Let me offer a different perspective from a slightly different time, not in an argumentative or mean way, but to explain where some people might be coming from.  This is my counterpoint to the whole "entitled" thing that usually comes up with this issue.

Growing up (all of the 1990s, early 2000s), I feel like we still got a lot of the old, well-meaning but vague, incomplete, and sometimes wrong dating advice:

"Just be yourself."

"The right girl will like you for you."

"There's someone for everyone."

"You'll meet the right person eventually."

"Don't worry about fitting in or being 'cool'/don't worry about being 'popular'/don't change yourself to fit in/don't change yourself for others."

"Girls like nice/sweet guys/just be nice."

"Girls like jerks when they are younger but they'll grow out of it, eventually they'll realize they don't have anything in common with the jerks, eventually they'll realize that the jerks are jerks, you just have to wait."

"It's what's on the inside that counts/personality counts more than looks."

"Judging someone based on their looks, money, or popularity is shallow, immature, and morally wrong."

"You'll find someone when you least expect it/when you stop looking."

Self-improvement wasn't talked about at all.  In fact I don't even think I heard that phrase until well into my 20s, in the early 2010s.  There wasn't this emphasis on going to the gym, being an entrepreneur, having a million hobbies, changing your personality/identity, and so on.  You could do all that stuff if you really wanted to, if it was your real interest, if you were that kind of person, but you didn't HAVE to, and also, it wouldn't change who you really were anyway. Self-help was seen as this thing that you could read if you wanted, but it probably wouldn't help because you can't change who you are.  It was more like, you just liked what you liked.  You just were the kind of person you were.  Your personality just was what it was.  But that was OK, because "the right person would like you for you."

So, if you were supposed to "just be yourself", and "you weren't supposed to change yourself to fit in or be cool or worry about popularity", because "there was someone for everyone" and "the right person would like you for you", then there would be no need for self-improvement.  

And as far as the "hot" girls go, they were seen as being born that way, not something they worked for.  Same with athletic guys, you're just born into a naturally muscular body, or you're not. You're good at something or you're not. You're funny or you're not. You're popular or "cool", or you're not.  Same with professional athletes, CEOs, music and movie stars, etc. - it was, that person was born with talent, that person was gifted, not that they practiced and worked hard. Sure, the stars practiced, and practice mattered, but only if you were born gifted enough in the first place. If you were that kind of person, you would know it because there would be something that would be easy for you, something that you were drawn to and just seemed to know how to do instinctively, with little or no instruction. Something where you started out better than most people, and kept getting better at an exponential pace. And it still felt OK to just be a person who just liked things, as opposed to trying to be a star.

Relationships were seen as the norm.  Sure, the "popular" people, the rich/athletic/delinquent rebellious risk taking guys and hot girls got to experience it first, but everyone got there eventually.  Every house you passed represented a couple.  It was a normal part of life, like tying your shoes, riding a bike, learning to drive, graduating school, and so on. It wasn't anything about men being "entitled" to women, or thinking they "owned" women. It was seen as just, life. Relationships were seen as a thing that just happens on its own, but that you shouldn't worry because it will happen eventually. You find someone whose looks you like and has common interests with you so you have something to talk about and enjoy together, and vice versa, and that's it. Maybe the "vice versa" is the hard part, but it didn't seem that way at the time.

(And to make matters worse, the guys who actually DID think they owned women, were above them, weren't really interested in them as people but just as *** dolls, and weren't shy about any of this, were ironically doing just fine with women then, and today. It made my head spin. These days it's always about blaming "nerdy" guys for misogyny, but no one ever talks about "cool guy" misogyny. Theirs is "boys will be boys", or just not talked about at all. Why is theirs acceptable, when I'd argue it's way more harmful? When most of the time they're the ones doing the actual abuse? It's almost as if, they're high-status, so nobody cares. Status is a free pass to be horrible. Just because someone has a lot of/is good at something that society deems valuable, they are allowed or even expected to act like jerks without it counting against them. In my opinion, we as a society are selectively tolerant of bad behavior and I don't think that should be the case.

It's also why I get so impassioned when I see "nerdy" guys get blamed for misogyny, sometimes just for more or less saying "attraction is hard", while people turn a blind eye to all kinds of misogynistic behavior from "cool", high-status guys. It makes it seem less about misogyny, and more about kicking the little guy, because they are seen as "lesser" and because one can. Which is really just a continuation of bullying.)

The whole thing about impressing a girl, that power and status were what was important, that was just seen as how the "cool" guys tried to win over the "hot" girls - in other words how stuck up fakes, tried to win over other stuck up fakes. That was seen as just for the people who were playing the social competition game. If you weren't that kind of person, then not only would that not work for you but it was also seen as unnecessary. You weren't supposed to have to try to impress someone, because again, "the right girl would like you for you". You wouldn't have to play social power games. It was supposed to be more natural and authentic that way.

There was just less of this culture of competition. If you didn't have the competitive personality or worldview, and didn't have the body and mind to back it up, that was seen as OK, you didn't have to worry about it. It wasn't seen as the "correct" personality, the one true way to live.  But now guys are finding out all that old dating advice is either incomplete, outdated, or just wrong, and they just don't know what to do anymore.  It's a bit of a shock.  Hopefully that explains some of the confusion.

And as far as bettering oneself goes, I thought mgill said that he is physically fit and makes six figures. Save for becoming a professional athlete or music/movie star or other kind of celebrity, I'm not sure how much more improvement a person can get.

 

[ardour]

every male-identifying person I speak to who has this attitude comes off as incredibly entitled. they're not upset that they can't find a girl; they're upset that they can't find the girl they want. they tend to harbor negative feelings, even disgust, towards women who don't fit their very narrow definition of attractiveness and then go sour when they get rejected by women who have put in the work on themselves. they have unattainable expectations of women but cry foul when anyone suggests even a modicum of self-betterment for themselves. it's a cycle that only leads to depression and hostility.

either better yourself, or lower your expectations. that's the reality.

Okay let's assume you're willing to date a non stereotypically masculine trans man then...

Right now, a 300 lbs woman is a plus-sized Goddess, whereas a morbidly obese man is just a slob. Men with self-esteem issues need to develop confidence or go into therapy, whereas women are perfectly lovable with all their issues. Men with few achievements need to up their game... this isn't even a factor for women. A byproduct of the old narrative that men are disposable and required to compete, repackaged in progressive politics.

 

[mgill]

every male-identifying person I speak to who has this attitude comes off as incredibly entitled. they're not upset that they can't find a girl; they're upset that they can't find the girl they want. they tend to harbor negative feelings, even disgust, towards women who don't fit their very narrow definition of attractiveness and then go sour when they get rejected by women who have put in the work on themselves. they have unattainable expectations of women but cry foul when anyone suggests even a modicum of self-betterment for themselves. it's a cycle that only leads to depression and hostility.

either better yourself, or lower your expectations. that's the reality.

Okay let's assume you're willing to date a non stereotypically masculine trans man then...

Right now, a 300 lbs woman is a plus-sized Goddess, whereas a morbidly obese man is just a slob. Men with self-esteem issues need to develop confidence or go into therapy, whereas women are perfectly lovable with all their issues.  Men with few achievements should up their games... this isn't even a factor for women. A  byproduct of the old narrative that men are disposable and required to compete, repackaged in progressive politics.

here is another great example of contradictory advice which people love to spew. don't lower your standards & don't settle for just anyone.  lower your standards because you have way too high expectations. often these are suggested by the same women too, lol. 

i do agree that people should not expect from their partners that which they don't have-especially when it comes to physical fitness.  of course, if a man is only interested in fit women he is body shaming but if a women demands a man to be over 6' it's merely her preference.