Do This Anymore.

[jean-vic]

Ok, well, I've been here a few days now, and I've been wanting to post for that entire time, but I've found it hard to find the words to say. Unfortunately, I'm not one who's good with emotion, so I struggle to express myself in emotional terms so coming up with what to say has been difficult.

Really, though, what is there to say? Websites like this shouldn't exist. People should not have to come to these places. The real world should provide everything we need, all the human comfort and contact we need, all the love we need. Unfortunately, it doesn't.

I came here because I'm lonely. I have my family - who I'm eternally grateful for - but I have no friends. I have no social life. I mean, I've not spoken to anyone in almost two weeks, except when I've been at work over the weekend. It seems, when I'm out of sight I'm out of mind. I've also never had a girlfriend, which is a huge knock to self esteem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a loner. I love being alone. There will never be a time when I don't appreciate time to myself, time to just be with myself. Doesn't mean I don't want people, though. I would do more if people wanted me involved.

I want friends. I want to talk to people. I want conversation and some sort of social life. I don't want to be alone, anymore.

 

[rosebud]

If you want to have better social life, there is only one way - go out and meet people. Go to work, classes, to the gym... You can't make things better by sitting on the couch and watching tv alone. Change is possible when you show 100% commitment. I can feel your pain though...

 

[freedom]

i think that in a perfect world, websites like these definitely would'nt exist. the world would give us everything we wanted and needed, and we'd all be frolicking around with a circle of friends. there would be no grief, no loneliness, no insecurities, just joy. everlasting joy.

unfortunately, we live in the real world, and places like these offer us lonely people comfort and the knowledge that we aren't alone. so maybe we're not together in a physical sense, maybe we're not real friends, maybe we'll never even meet eachother, but the fact that people like me can come here and reply our bits of advice to your post mean you really aren't alone.

...and yes, it's a real blow to your confidence and self-esteem not having a girlfriend, but like everything else, it has its ups and downs. just keep in mind that it's better to be alone than in bad company, and that it's better to have a good friendship than a bad romance.

i wish you luck on your ventures.

-freedom

 

[jean-vic]

If you want to have better social life, there is only one way - go out and meet people. Go to work, classes, to the gym... You can't make things better by sitting on the couch and watching tv alone. Change is possible when you show 100% commitment. I can feel your pain though...

Done it. Used to be a social recluse. Then I met my Dad who had been absent for most of my life and abusive when he was around. When I saw that his loneliness had driven him mad - literally mad - I changed. Started socialising, getting involved with others at Uni and at work. One year on, and here I am, pushed to join this site out of desperation because no one is interested unless they want something from me.

 

[rosebud]

You can't force things like this. Have patience and if you keep trying you'll find somebody. Think about it like losing weight, you want everything to click in order here and now, but it takes time.

In a perfect world there would be no sites like this or problems in society. We're going to live the utopian dream forever. Sadly we are creatures with flawed nature, our fears and problems define us. Loneliness CAN drive you into madness, if you let it to consume you. Being alone doesn't equal being lonely.

 

[jean-vic]

You can't force things like this. Have patience and if you keep trying you'll find somebody. Think about it like losing weight, you want everything to click in order here and now, but it takes time.

In a perfect world there would be no sites like this or problems in society. We're going to live the utopian dream forever. Sadly we are creatures with flawed nature, our fears and problems define us. Loneliness CAN drive you into madness, if you let it to consume you. Being alone doesn't equal being lonely.

No, it certainly doesn't. Like I said, I am a bit of a loner. My family went away for a few days so I had the house to myself. It was heaven. Self imposed isolation is a wonderful thing.

Your entire post reminds of some quote I heard a while back. I can't remember who said it or how it went, but the gist of it was that the world isn't perfect, but we need to live our lives as though it is.

---

i think that in a perfect world, websites like these definitely would'nt exist. the world would give us everything we wanted and needed, and we'd all be frolicking around with a circle of friends. there would be no grief, no loneliness, no insecurities, just joy. everlasting joy.

unfortunately, we live in the real world, and places like these offer us lonely people comfort and the knowledge that we aren't alone. so maybe we're not together in a physical sense, maybe we're not real friends, maybe we'll never even meet eachother, but the fact that people like me can come here and reply our bits of advice to your post mean you really aren't alone.

...and yes, it's a real blow to your confidence and self-esteem not having a girlfriend, but like everything else, it has its ups and downs. just keep in mind that it's better to be alone than in bad company, and that it's better to have a good friendship than a bad romance.

i wish you luck on your ventures.

-freedom

I appreciate that comment. Thank you for taking the time. Not alone in our loneliness. Almost antithetical when you think about it.

 

[Pheenix]

Don't blame "the real world". The real world has everything we need. This is a website for people who don't seize it. You can't have a need without an object worth needing.

 

[Peaches]

Done it. Used to be a social recluse. Then I met my Dad who had been absent for most of my life and abusive when he was around. When I saw that his loneliness had driven him mad - literally mad - I changed. Started socialising, getting involved with others at Uni and at work. One year on, and here I am, pushed to join this site out of desperation because no one is interested unless they want something from me.
[/quote]

One idea to make friends: there are groups for people who grew up in abusive or dysfunctional families (I am one too, that's why I know), called Adult Children of Alcoholics or Dysfunctional Families (it's a terrible name, I agree) but there you get other people you can talk about really key issues, and it's a good place to make friends because you really get to share a lot, and people are more open.

http://www.adultchildren.org/

anyway, just an idea - also joining a chorus or a cooking group can work

---

 

[jean-vic]

Done it. Used to be a social recluse. Then I met my Dad who had been absent for most of my life and abusive when he was around. When I saw that his loneliness had driven him mad - literally mad - I changed. Started socialising, getting involved with others at Uni and at work. One year on, and here I am, pushed to join this site out of desperation because no one is interested unless they want something from me.

One idea to make friends: there are groups for people who grew up in abusive or dysfunctional families (I am one too, that's why I know), called Adult Children of Alcoholics or Dysfunctional Families (it's a terrible name, I agree) but there you get other people you can talk about really key issues, and it's a good place to make friends because you really get to share a lot, and people are more open.

http://www.adultchildren.org/

anyway, just an idea - also joining a chorus or a cooking group can work

---

[/quote]

Thanks for the suggestion, but I'd feel I was insulting others if I joined that group. I mean, he wasn't a pleasant man but his abuse was of a far less severe nature than many others have suffered.

---

Don't blame "the real world". The real world has everything we need. This is a website for people who don't seize it. You can't have a need without an object worth needing.

Oh. So where do the people who've tried to seize it but get rejected over and over again go??