Do you ever just want to die

[Guyonthelake]

Carla I have a daughter I've had no contact with for 4 years except for a message she sent me on Facebook to tell me what a sorry father I was then she blocked me where I couldn't respond. I know how painful it is for a child to walk away. I have a son who I am very close to. Strange how you come to this place and find people you have so much in common with isn't it? My family has been touched by suicide I could never do that to them. He left so many unanswered questions so many dreams died that day. The void left in our lives is huge. [/align]

 

[carlacundari]

I hear you. I''ve been feeling the same all of my life. Feels like I am living for others and not for myself. Even though I have family, friends and acquaintances, I still feel utterly lonely and disconnected with the world and everyone in it. I can't really turn to anyone because they all seem selfish, fickle and too self-involved to even noticed how sad I am. And I don't want to burden them with my own state of mind for fear that they will just run off in the other direction. Most of them all want to deal with light topics and not heavy discussions. It's just the way the people in my life are wired. I am seeing a therapist just to have someone to talk to and to think more positively but it's obviously going to take time. These days, all I think of is ending my life. So I can easily sympathize and understand you.

all of my life I've been the outsider, the weird 1-
the unwanted, the uninvited-
out of place, always-
I feel like no1 ever wants to touch me or stay close to me-
like I had leper-

 

[goldenrod]

I hear you. I''ve been feeling the same all of my life. Feels like I am living for others and not for myself. Even though I have family, friends and acquaintances, I still feel utterly lonely and disconnected with the world and everyone in it. I can't really turn to anyone because they all seem selfish, fickle and too self-involved to even noticed how sad I am. And I don't want to burden them with my own state of mind for fear that they will just run off in the other direction. Most of them all want to deal with light topics and not heavy discussions. It's just the way the people in my life are wired. I am seeing a therapist just to have someone to talk to and to think more positively but it's obviously going to take time. These days, all I think of is ending my life. So I can easily sympathize and understand you.

all of my life I've been the outsider, the weird 1-
the unwanted, the uninvited-
out of place, always-
I feel like no1 ever wants to touch me or stay close to me-
like I had leper-

You're not alone, I think of death often too. I too am the perpetual outsider looking in, always the misfit, and as I grow older it gets more painful. Every day I must decide to go on living, and that's 365 separate decisions per year. It takes a toll after a while. I think of my only relative and how they would feel if I did anything...or I think of how nice the sun is shining through the branches of the tree in the front yard and how I would never see that again if I were dead...or I think of the tv show that I would miss seeing another season of if I were to decide not to go on living.

Sometimes there's some important reason to keep on living, sometimes it's something so minor that nobody else would notice, like the unique shape of that snowflake that landed on the sleeve of my jacket that I just had to sketch. I just try to grab onto something to keep on going, no matter what it is. If you ask me why I do that I couldn't tell you. I just go on from day to day, because I do.

Two people I know who are only a little older than I am have passed away within this past year. I miss them but I also envy them and wonder what they did right that they got to leave but I am still stuck down here on this earth. I wonder if anyone else envies the dead or if I am the only one.

My point was that I hear your pain and empathize with it. I wish I had an answer to give you, but I don't. Look for snowflakes and sun shining on the trees. Sometimes that's got to be enough.

 

[Tiina63]

Yes, I feel so alone that I often wish I could die.

 

[Rayri]

All my life. i did make a stitch like cut on my arm and my mother saw it and the questions came...i can't believe she believed me ! The scar is still there to this day..i ALWAYS want to cut..but i have to hold it back because it just wouldn't look right (im trying to be beautiful). So i have to just hold all my anger in and wonder why life is so unfair..why i was born..

 

[carlacundari]

Carla I have a daughter I've had no contact with for 4 years except for a message she sent me on Facebook to tell me what a sorry father I was then she blocked me where I couldn't respond. I know how painful it is for a child to walk away. I have a son who I am very close to. Strange how you come to this place and find people you have so much in common with isn't it? My family has been touched by suicide I could never do that to them. He left so many unanswered questions so many dreams died that day. The void left in our lives is huge. [/align]

I'm so sorry to hear some1 in your family committed suicide-
I did try it 3 times-
I won't try again-
yes, I envy those who die 'cos they can rest in peace-
sometimes I hear of some1 who's quite loved and who had died and I ask
myself- why did I not die in his place ?
why am i still in this world ?

 

[Why_Me]

Do I ever want to die?

Every night as I go to bed I hope I don't get to wake up.
Every morning I wonder what went wrong and what have I done to deserve this punishment.
The pain inside transcends the psychological and translates into physical pain.

Do I ever, Do I

 

[gnome3]

There are many here that feel a constant 'want to die' for various reasons, I'm sure. I wish that I had something I could put out here that would ease the pain, but I don't. I have had moments of this feeling, but it's not constant, and always passes.

 

[Guyonthelake]

Today is a really bad day. I can't take this honeysuckle anymore. I've never felt more alone. I beg for the end.

 

[Ak5]

I understand your pain very much.

The answer is to move forward and try to change.

 

[jjam]

I know this is going to sound silly, and I am certainly not saying it is all the solution you'll need, but exercise and diet are very important. They're probably severely underrated by most. How are you doing with these?

 

[Lollipop286]

Yes, sometimes...well a lot of the times I 'just want to die', but then I get afraid, not of death itself, but what if tomorrow is a better day and I'm not there to live it?

 

[gnome3]

Yeah, maybe that'll help. When people get stuck in a depression mode like that, it's very hard to shrug it off. In 12-step programs, they have a saying for people that are stuck in a funk, "This too shall pass". In other words, a person just needs to remember that eventually that particular depressed feeling will pass, and they will be onto feeling better.
But in 'Guy's' case, that feeling keeps returning with much frequency. Guy, somehow you may have to figure out a different way of looking at life? A 'new pair of glasses' so to speak. This could be more difficult than just saying it here on this thread. How to exactly do it is another story, for sure.
All the ideas mentioned are worthy of looking at, I think. Also, maybe starting a 'gratitude list'?. This is a piece of paper that you write something down on every day. Something to be grateful for in your life. [Re: A roof over your head, food to eat, a dog who loves you, etc., etc.] You write a thing or two down on this piece of paper every day, and when it is full, you move onto another piece of paper, and tape the old one up on your wall. Eventually, you begin to start wallpapering your room with grateful lists. lol... The point is to find a few things that you are grateful for - that not everything in your life is honeysuckle.

 

[sentiententity]

It's a rare day I don't think about suicide. Once my kids are grown up and moved out I think I'll end it. But that's a long way off. So who knows.

 

[PrinceCharming]

I am so tired of living as well. I do know that there are things in my life that I should be grateful for, but I am so tired. I don't care. I don't give a rat's ass about them (maybe I should, but that is more difficult to do than it sounds).

I sometimes really really REALLY want to have someone, just one person, to be there when I need it. Like I can simply pick up the phone and talk to him/her about anything. For hours. Someone. Is that so much to ask for?

 

[carlacundari]

I understand your pain very much.

The answer is to move forward and try to change.

I feel there's no place for me on this earth-
I don't belong to this world-
I'm different-
I don't belong to anything or anybody-
it's so shattering....

 

[lonelyfairy]

I sometimes really really REALLY want to have someone, just one person, to be there when I need it. Like I can simply pick up the phone and talk to him/her about anything. For hours. Someone. Is that so much to ask for?

I know that feeling very well... It's sad... :/

 

[carlacundari]

I sometimes really really REALLY want to have someone, just one person, to be there when I need it. Like I can simply pick up the phone and talk to him/her about anything. For hours. Someone. Is that so much to ask for?

I know that feeling very well... It's sad... :/

I feel the same....
I just want to pick up the phone but then I realize there's no1 to call-

 

[lonelyfairy]

I sometimes really really REALLY want to have someone, just one person, to be there when I need it. Like I can simply pick up the phone and talk to him/her about anything. For hours. Someone. Is that so much to ask for?

I know that feeling very well... It's sad... :/

I feel the same....
I just want to pick up the phone but then I realize there's no1 to call-

Yeah... :/

But maybe there is someone special for all of us, somewhere.

Hopefully.

 

[gnome3]

Yes. It is a lonely life. All the suggestions are good ones, but in the scheme of things I still have feelings of loneliness. This can bring upon other feelings - feelings of inadequacy, failure, self pity. The suggestions mentioned may help make things a little better (for a while), but.... but what? Groundhogs day? Living the dream over & over. Waking up to the same me. I don't want to control my 'end destiny', but what is the alternative? Stick around for the inevitable? Everything I do is done just to occupy my time until I die. This is my fate. Living the dream. This is the reality of it. What an oxymoron. Sorry, but I really don't have the answer. I can say that there are moments of amusement & wonder. Hugs to all, for you help curb my state of loneliness.