Emotional Affair: My Personal Story. Can anyone help?

[VanillaCreme]

Look before you leap. Think before you act, especially on impulses. A really good person to talk to about this would be your wife. I'm sure she'd like to know what the **** you were thinking. She carried your baby, gave birth to your baby, and this is how you treat her. Someone who gave you such a precious gift in life.

She told you to get over it and to move on because she was done with you. She used you for what she wanted/needed, and now is tossing you off to the side of the road like a candy wrapper.

Oh and by the way, next time your marriage seems to have some issues that need to be worked on, try not to make a baby. It just complicates things even further, and doesn't really solve anything. You might also want to talk it out with your wife, instead of tossing around in the sack with another woman.

Good luck.

 

[Badjedidude]

I don't think there's much more to say here, honestly.

If you really have learned your lesson, then you'll prove it by your actions in the future. You'll stop something like an affair BEFORE it happens by recognizing and avoiding dangerous situations, and by putting more effort into the relationship you are already in.

If not... well, then I guess you'll find yourself alone and venting on a forum again.

Either way, I hope you figure things out and find a better path.

 

[Minus]

As Vanilla mentioned, if you feel you have issues with your wife and child, then your wife is the one you need to be talking with. Running off with someone else may be an escape but it isn't constructive. I don't care if you do feel that it made you a stronger person. You have no right to make your wife pay that price so that you can be stronger.

I do hope that it was a one time thing and that in the future when someone shows such interest in you, that you don't have to struggle to make the choices that honor the commitments that you have made to your family.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

mmmm....stop with the guilt BS.
It takes 2 to tangle. A relationship is not easy nor always simple.
Sometime couple grows apart, life changes, people change.

I've been cheated on...on many levels. Its usually on an emotional level first of course...duh
As ****** up as I might feel for getting hurted. I however played a role in having my relationship go south.
Yes..I took her for granted, stopped chasing her, stop romancing her, stopped doing all those things to keep
the flame going.....I was warned several times for years.
Females need to do their part in keeping the fire going too. That's right babes. I love ya but I still like for ya
to be super smexy no matter how long we been together, doing the things you used to do when I fell in love with ya...

I've also been on the flip side. ( the house wreacking whore )
All I know is...her husband sure the **** didn't want to seek marriage couseling, blew her off,
went to the fucken races or stopped licking her the right way. It didn't happened over night
and he assume the she was always going to stay or live like that. She warned him over and over again for years.
Well..he sure woke the **** up or became willing when I showed up in the pitcure.
And he better still stay on his fucken toes becuase I'll throw my heart at her any chance
I get. I'm her bad boy and she's my bad girl

I even have a female friend that keeps me in arm's length currently. (wooohoooo I ma in the friendzone) What r firends for??lmao
All I know is....she hugs me super tight like she wanna **** me and get really mooshie with me when her husband is being a fucken ******.

And I've been on this side of it too....
All I know is Sherry stopped gambling & being a crazy ***** when Jenni came into my life.
Fucken ***** was hard head , so Tammy & Joscelyn had to come over and play too.....

Aint life fun ???

 

[EveWasFramed]

I agree with Nilla and Minus. If really do feel remorse and want to do the right thing from here on out....

Never, EVER, put yourself in a position for the possibility of an affair. No more females in your life that you can get close to. Don't hire anymore female assistants. Don't put yourself in a position where something, ANYTHING, could happen. You're obviously weak and can't control yourself, so the only way for you to protect your family is to avoid any situations that might tempt you. In other words, stay the hell away from other women, dude. Never be alone with a woman who isn't your wife.

 

[SophiaGrace]

She told you to get over it and to move on because she was done with you. She used you for what she wanted/needed, and now is tossing you off to the side of the road like a candy wrapper.

Exactly. Nilla hit it straight on the head.

Also, i advise you once again to go seek counseling.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

mmmm....

Whatever you do...Don't beat up on yourself.

I sure as hell didn't make a commitment to dramma and miseries...did you??
( You have the power to get out of a toxic or non workable relationships...screw guilt)

What's done is done....Forgive yourself and moveforward. It's a mistake...
if you beat up yourself and chew on the guilt and shame. It'll only eat up at what little self esteem you have left.
It's not good for you..If you're not good to yourself. You can't be good for anyone else.

Most of us made the mistake of thinking that PEOPLE, PLACES and THINGS will make us happy.
Maybe your married just took it's natural course.
Maybe your affair too will take it's course if you allow it to continue it's course.
As i said...screw guilt...Do what you wanna do (no one can stop you) but don't feel guilty about it at the sametime. It's too much work and will drive you fucken crazy.
Being married, in a relationship, having children, money, fame, social acceptiablities, material wealth won't bring us happiness....most of us know this.

Give yourself a break. Find yourself. Love yourself through all of this.


hahaaa be like me... Single
I can be with whom ever I wish. And I can speak my mind too...instead of just look and not touch
Heck, I can even do 2 chicks at the sametime. I never do anything half *** or half measure.lol
Im having a lot of fun At the moment....I've been married, been in relationship , raise a family, been a daddy, doing the right thing....
Well ya know, Sometime life isn't fucken picture perfect as I like it to be or whatever the **** role model society wants me to live to.

 

[tehdreamer]

You really should have talked those issues out with your wife. I'm sure she was feeling pretty old and unattractive too, especially after giving birth. To see you hang out with your mistress and feel like a third wheel was a obvious sign that she felt unwanted and not as good as your mistress. It became a huge argument because she felt threatened in her ability to keep you interested.

You could have arranged to spend more time alone, without the baby. Go on some date nights with your wife, flirt with each other, show each other how attractive you still think each is. Lots of things rather than having an affair.

At this point, I suggest seeking therapy. Either by yourself or with your wife. I think you have issues that need to be worked out that random people on a forum can't really help with.

 

[here-i-am]

Thanks everyone, you all have very valid points. The one thing that i don't think I can ever agree with is telling my wife. Sure that would be very honest and all, but I made a mistake, a very bad one, and now I am going to try to make the best of it and let it be a lesson to me. I know if all this did not recently happen, something similar would eventually happen. Now I can say it did, and next time I know that it is not all it is cracked up to be. It was just the past 11 years of my life have been exactly the same, and I think I just needed to experience something different. The main problem my wife and I were having was not spending enough time together. We have been both working very hard and working crazy schedules so that we didn't have to put our child in daycare. Because of that, things have been super stressful and I needed something to make me happy again. Since the affair ended, things have been very different. I realized that the time I was spending with the other woman, could actually be family time, something that I think I was avoiding because of all the stress it involved. I think I knew this all along, but hearing everyone chime in, and sort of help get me with reality seems to help. Yes, some professional help is probably in order, but thank you EVERYONE for just sort of helping me figure thins out. I took a chance on here, and at 1st it looked like I was only getting hate mail, but finally some honest thoughts. THANK YOU!!!!!!

 

[Steel]

I really don't believe you have a shred of remorse; you are just pleased you got away with it. You are still blaming it on your circumstances rather than taking personal responsibility. One day you will reap what you have sown; it might take some time, but I'm sure these events will come back to haunt you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Now I can say it did, and next time I know that it is not all it is cracked up to be.

Not all it's cracked up to be? Is that the only reason you wouldnt do it again? Next time? You're already expectiing to be tempted to do it AGAIN??

It was just the past 11 years of my life have been exactly the same,

Yeah, it's called staying in for the long haul. Are you going to cheat on your wife everytime you get bored??

and I think I just needed to experience something different.

Experience something different? Get a god damn hobby. Get a DOG!! Grow your hair long, shave it off, visit a foreign country. Don't screw around on your wife when you want something "different." wtf?

The main problem my wife and I were having was not spending enough time together. We have been both working very hard and working crazy schedules so that we didn't have to put our child in daycare. Because of that, things have been super stressful and I needed something to make me happy again.

Eat some Ben and Jerry's. That should make you "happy." Working very hard? Welcome to the real world, dude. Geez. Concerned about putting your child in daycare? You spent all your time romancing someone else - you could have used that time for more productive things. Something to make you happy again? My inclination is to call you a selfish bast-- wait, I'm a mod, I'll have to refrain.

I realized that the time I was spending with the other woman, could actually be family time, something that I think I was avoiding because of all the stress it involved.

Again, welcome to LIFE. How old did you say you were?? What did you think having a child was going to do to your life? OK, it wasn't what you expected - doesn't give you any excuse. Blame the wife and kid and stress. Laughable.

I think I knew this all along, but hearing everyone chime in, and sort of help get me with reality seems to help.

Think? Please, don't insult us or lie to yourself - you KNEW all along. You knew it was wrong then and still know it was wrong now. Helped you get a reality check? I don't think you even know the meaning of the word, "reality."

Yes, some professional help is probably in order, but thank you EVERYONE for just sort of helping me figure thins out.

But? But what? You didn't come here looking for help sorting out your clusterfuck - you came here, asking if you should confront your mistress. You expect us to believe that, in the span of a few days, you've suddenly moved from confronting her and being jealous of her current, married lover, to "figuring things out?" Um...right. lol

I took a chance on here...

A chance? What kind of a chance? This is an anonymous internet forum. You risked NOTHING.

and at 1st it looked like I was only getting hate mail, but finally some honest thoughts.

Well, I hope you're enjoyed MY honest thoughts. You're either a hearltess cad, with no emotion or common decency, or you have a nack for coming across as one. I'm thinking it's the former.

 

[Steel]

I think it's the former too.

 

[Spare]

Wowzers.

 

[Badjedidude]

No self-control or willpower.

Unfortunately it's not that uncommon these days.

 

[shells]

Reading this thread makes me feel... Sick.

I hope I never end up in a marriage where my partner or I can't at least be honest with each other. Without it, where does it leave you? Lies built upon more lies, pretending to get along fine with a **** load of skeletons in the closet.

OP - You are a selfish coward. Instead of making things right by your wife, you want everything the way you want it, when it's convenient for YOU.

You, you, you. I guess that's all that matters in all of this, right? Just the poor little victim; You.

Whatever. What goes around comes around, and you've already experienced that once. Guess you didn't learn the first time around when it's smacking you in the face.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, i watched a show on tv about the psychology of people who cheat. One of the psychologists on the show said that one of the main factors is well, Narcissism (also known as selfishness). If anything, you should work on this and also...Self-Control.

So, if you are going to go into therapy these are two things you need to work on.

I'm not sure if telling your wife about your infidelity would be good or bad, but bringing her into counseling with you to try and function better as a couple would definately help.

Also you should think deeply on what commitment and family mean to you.

 

[shells]

Soph, you always say things in a constructive and more appealing way than me.

 

[Sterling]

Here is a suggestion. Imagine if your wife cheated on you and was going to leave YOU and YOUR BABY for someone she just met. How does that make you fell? Not too good, huh?

Either way, I think you should tell your wife THE WHOLE TRUTH, she is the only person to judge if your relationship is worth fixing or letting go. I think she should leave you though, because you seem extremely selfish, and honestly....she deserves better, someone who isn't going to cheat, isn't going to ignore her, someone to truly love her and your child deserves someone who isn't going to leave him/her for a person you just met.
And about confronting the home wrecker....why the hell would you do that? You're not dating, it was a fling. You have no say so over what she does.

Anyways, if you want to have any chance of "getting better" and not messing up your life more, you need to just stay away from this girl and get your priorities straight fast.

 

[Minus]

I agree that it is best not to do further harm in an attempt to make amends, but can you see the amount of justifying and rationalizing that you are doing?

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
1. Delete "Sarah" from your life. No more talking, no more texting, emailing, facebooking, checking up on how she's doing through other people, nothing, nada, zip, zilch.
2. Get yourself to counseling. Today.
3. With your counselor's guidance, come clean with your wife. (and get tested for STDs while you're at it.)
And the truth shall set you free...

-Teresa