Even if......

LonelyDragon · Dec 14, 2008

If I could finally work up the balls to leave. To get out of this half-assed "relationship" I'm in. The one where she'd rather be with someone - almost anyone else. What would I do then? Yes it hurts. But at least I'm not sitting around staring at a blank wall with no one to talk to. Even if that talk hurts, in some ways it's better than silence.

Where would I go?

Who would ever want me. She obviously doesn't. And when I look at myself I don't blame her. You all have seen my pic. Yes, that is really me, but in the best possible light. Without the things that turn people (women) away.

People wonder why I have thoughts of ending it. If they could just live like this... as me... to feel the despair... the hopelessness...

evanescencefan91 · Dec 14, 2008

I'm sorry I have no words to offer, for as much as i read on the internet, i am still ignorant in relationships and the baisic what to actually do in the real world.

*hugs lonelydragon*

SubjugatingH2O · Dec 14, 2008

I haven't seen your picture, but I can tell you, women don't care that much about looks. I have seen some fugly guys get some hot girls and I have no idea how they do it. I'm an attractive guy, but I am horrible at getting women. Some people just have an understanding of how these things work, and some don't. It sucks.

Lonesome Crow · Dec 14, 2008

I saw your picture...there's noting wrong with how you look.
Well...no matter where you go there you are. Might as will
work on yourself where you're at.

Have you try seeking outside help or profession help ?
Don't make major decisions when you're not at a good
mental or emotion state of being. Give yourself a break.
Try doing those programs or getting help before you make major decisions.

Google on self esteem, positive thinking...etc.
You don't need that much informations or to have it be complicated.
Keep it simple.
Just apply those simple instructions and take actions. You'll get results.
I did.

Try to improve yourself. Set small goals that you can attain.
Such as taking care of yourself. Personal hygene and maintenace.
Get a hair cut..etc
Clean up your living envirnment. Pick up after yourself. Do your
own luandry, dishes, wash your car, clean out your junk draws,
clean out the garage...etc ACTIONS...actions.
Don't let her do it...make/self disciplin yourself do it...it'll help your self esteem.
It will set the wheels in motion.
Plus living in a clean envirnment or surroundings...helps your
thought process.

They're excerzise of being responsible for your self. Eventually
you'll want to be responsible for you mental and emotional being.

Making a gratitute list was the turn around piont for me. It was like
making a 180 turn on that self destruction path i was on.
Maybe i wasn't chaotic or dramatic...but i was mellow dramatic about about it.

Everytime you complete those task...give yourself a pat on the back.
Tell yourself "good job" every time.

Excersize daily...set a especific time. Make yourself do it.
Do it no matter what, no matter how you feel.

I've been doing these little simple things on the outside...eventually
I started cleaning house on the inside of myself...mentally and emotionally.

It's working...I'm working it...I'm working it.

Many upon many people I talked to or see me, just within the
past couple of weeks tell me I look good or better already.
There's a glow or my spirit is shining through...i guess
yeah...the ladies arn't afraid to approch me.

Happiness is an inside job..that's what attracts women. They can sense it.
Just by the way I carry myself or a vibe i give out.
Besides...a healty woman is not going to want to pick up after me.
I don't want a mommy, I want a woman

LonelyDragon · Dec 14, 2008

I know most of that would work for a lot of people. But there's just so much about it that I just can't do. So many things get in the way or simply are impossible. I do what I can of those things. Cleaning up around here for example. Not just after me, but her and her kids. Taking them to school. Doing their paper routes when it's not possible for them to. But it's never good enough.

I take generally good care of myself. But nothing will grow back the teeth I lost when I caught what was basically an 18" steel bar in the mouth. I do have a partial denture, but I sound like I have a mouthful of crap when I try to talk with it in and I cannot eat with it in at all. I'm not super active. I just get what exercise I can when I am working or whatever. My knees and other problems make much more too hard on me. So I can't seem to get below 220 lbs. Which is a bit excessive for being just under 5'9".

I have also looked into some help groups. But they always meet when I'm at work. Pretty much typical of anything that goes on around here. And I cannot afford to miss work right now, even if I'm sick.

samba101 · Dec 14, 2008

Hi Lonelydragon,

I see no problem with your looks and you may be gold for another woman. I know how hard it is to leave a relationship it took me a few years before I made the decision to go and now that I did I'm glad and have no regrets. I guess financially your not really in the position to leave the old behind and start something new. Look at all the couples you see there's attractive and unattractive people who still have mates. I just guess your feeling low at the moment and like me when you get to a certain age (I'm 32) your chances of dating seem to decrease.

I totally understand about your knees and the difficulties that come with this problem I have foot problems that don't allow me to work in normal shoes unless I wear sneakers, I get crippling pain in my feet and then my back goes out and I can't walk, life just doesn't seem fair at times.

Seems to me that your relationship has been over for sometime and that there are just cords to be severed. Don't worry about "not having the balls to leave", it's just who we are as people and eventually we come to that road in our own good time.