Ever wonder what you did wrong?

[Montreal Skye]

When you think you're doing all the right things and you end up realizing that it's all ****, what do you do? How do you know what you've done wrong? It's a very lonely place.

 

[Callie]

I wonder every day of my life what I've done wrong in damn near every situation. Even if I haven't done anything wrong, I feel like I have. I grew up getting blamed for everything because my two perfect older brothers could do no wrong. I guess it's just ingrained in me to take the blame, to think I'm the one in the wrong all the time. But honestly, half the time, I don't know if I've done something wrong or not. I will argue my point (sometimes more than I should probably) but in the end, it doesn't really matter if I did something wrong or if I did something right because I will still FEEL like I did wrong.

Quite a few aspects of my life might be different if I had done things differently, if I had made the right choice, but I can't change the past and I don't really want to. I just have to live with what I've done (or feel I've done) and try not to dwell on it too much.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Thanks Callie. I have that same issue with the lifelong blame being put on me too. It is ingrained unfortunately, I try very hard to conquer it, but it still creeps back automatically. In situations where I've given my all, I still take the blame when it's the other person who caused all the confusion. I think I'm a doormat, which is hard to admit because I'm in the process of healing from so much trauma that occurred in the past and I promised myself I would keep my confidence no matter what. But I guess I still become that scared little girl who takes all the blame, I'm feeling so misunderstood these days with no way of communicating it but through distress. I realize though that just because you want something to go your way, doesn't mean it will if the other person isn't willing, or if the situation is out of your hands. Still hurts like effing hell though. I need a hug.

 

[Callie]

I'm feeling so misunderstood these days with no way of communicating it but through distress.

I know exactly what you mean by this, I'm right there with you.
But yeah, it's like for once, I don't want to have to take the blame. I think that's why I argue so much when people accuse me of something. I'm NOT wrong, but there comes a time in the argument or whatever it is that it just kinda clicks in your head that you will always be wrong and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Thanks for the hug
I don't feel I'm to blame for the current problem I'm having, but like you said, I feel like no matter what I do it's just not right. I feel as though I'm being kicked while I'm down already with no support. I try to communicate that, but it just all comes out as desperation when I'm not at all desperate. Well, maybe I'm desperate to be heard and not ignored. I'm not the arguing type at all, I hate confrontation. But when I do stand up for myself it's just pure anger and I'm afraid that when it comes to that, it's irreparable because trust is so important to me. I know I'm rambling. Thanks for talking with me.

 

[putter65]

Thanks for the hug
I don't feel I'm to blame for the current problem I'm having, but like you said, I feel like no matter what I do it's just not right. I feel as though I'm being kicked while I'm down already with no support. I try to communicate that, but it just all comes out as desperation when I'm not at all desperate. Well, maybe I'm desperate to be heard and not ignored. I'm not the arguing type at all, I hate confrontation. But when I do stand up for myself it's just pure anger and I'm afraid that when it comes to that, it's irreparable because trust is so important to me. I know I'm rambling. Thanks for talking with me.

I never blame myself. I know I am a good person. Other people can't see it. It's their fault, their problem.

 

[Trent]

people blow, sorry you are hurting

 

[Montreal Skye]

Thanks Putter and Trent, I really am hurting badly. The person I would normally go to for help is the person who is breaking me.

 

[Trent]

Thanks Putter and Trent, I really am hurting badly. The person I would normally go to for help is the person who is breaking me.

wondering what you "did wrong"...

is akin to wondering "why"...

and wondering why never ends in anything good

some people get stuck on why,

and sometimes that never gets answered

so they are frozen in time, no healing, no moving beyond, no growing out and away from...

just stuck

i would know, i've been there

don't wonder why, montreal

just look at "what"

what happened, what the other person did to contribute to it, what you possibly did to contribute to it (or possibly: what you would do differently next time) and let go

i think our destiny in this life is to strive...

to strive for understanding,

understanding of ourselves and an understanding of others

i'm fairly convinced that only a lucky few will ever reach that understanding and bump into someone else who has reached it too

 

[Montreal Skye]

I do need to know why a lot of the time, you're right about that. It's part of understanding the what I suppose, so that I don't make the same mistakes the next time; and so that I can better see through the lies before giving my heart away. I know what led to this hurt, but I was powerless to do anything about it, being shut down when I tried to reach out. I know I need to let go and move on, because I won't allow myself to get stuck and wallow in a broken heart. But of course, that's all easier said than done. I know time will help heal the wounds. Time and talk. I guess therapy did teach me something after all.

 

[Trent]

i find that most heartache, at least in my experience, stems from "expectations"

my own and those of others

 

[Montreal Skye]

i find that most heartache, at least in my experience, stems from "expectations"

my own and those of others

I can't argue about the expectations, not at all. I had expectations based on the bonding and promises. I guess I can't meet everyone else's in this case, though I did try my best.

 

[putter65]

I do need to know why a lot of the time, you're right about that. It's part of understanding the what I suppose, so that I don't make the same mistakes the next time; and so that I can better see through the lies before giving my heart away. I know what led to this hurt, but I was powerless to do anything about it, being shut down when I tried to reach out. I know I need to let go and move on, because I won't allow myself to get stuck and wallow in a broken heart. But of course, that's all easier said than done. I know time will help heal the wounds. Time and talk. I guess therapy did teach me something after all.

Apart from my family, I don't trust anybody.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Apart from my family, I don't trust anybody.

I think that's a shame Putter. I'm certainly not giving up.

 

[wadokai]

Hey MontrealSkype,

I'm sorry if I upset you. It was not my intention. You put me on ignore list... which is fine, it's your choice. But yeah just wanted to apologize.

I hope things get better for you really soon. Wish you the best, always.

 

[Veilside05]

Oh Montreal Skye,

Did something happened again? From the past conversation, I can tell that you are a nice person who just needs alot of re-assurances. If anything did happens, just remember you are not alone cos you have tons of friends here.

"Gives you a pat on your shoulders"

 

[perfanoff]

i find that most heartache, at least in my experience, stems from "expectations"

my own and those of others

That's the tricky part, high trust is high expectations, and low trust is low expectations.

When somebody fails to live up to the trust you have invested in them.. it's only natural to feel betrayed. This is where heartache comes from.

 

[Trent]

i find that most heartache, at least in my experience, stems from "expectations"

my own and those of others

That's the tricky part, high trust is high expectations, and low trust is low expectations.

When somebody fails to live up to the trust you have invested in them.. it's only natural to feel betrayed. This is where heartache comes from.

sometimes what we define as trust is actually unreasonable expectations (or conditions) placed on another person.

if one can change his mindset away from expecting a person to conform to his every notion of what is good and right in the world and just work toward accepting a person for who they are, that may be a path to enlightenment.

i "trust" that people will be people. yet, i strive to love despite that.

that being said, i do have standards (not expectations)...

they are:

- honesty in words and deeds
- well wishes toward me as a person
- appreciation/reciprocation in some 'equalish' way

most people have a list a mile long...for me...that's it

expectation by its very definition is about the OTHER person

a standard by its very definition is about ME

i feel like i should be careful not to hijack montreal's thread though

 

[Lonely in BC]

i find that most heartache, at least in my experience, stems from "expectations"

my own and those of others

That's the tricky part, high trust is high expectations, and low trust is low expectations.

When somebody fails to live up to the trust you have invested in them.. it's only natural to feel betrayed. This is where heartache comes from.

sometimes what we define as trust is actually unreasonable expectations (or conditions) placed on another person.

if one can change his mindset away from expecting a person to conform to his every notion of what is good and right in the world and just work toward accepting a person for who they are, that may be a path to enlightenment.

i "trust" that people will be people. yet, i strive to love despite that.

that being said, i do have standards (not expectations)...

they are:

- honesty in words and deeds
- well wishes toward me as a person
- appreciation/reciprocation in some 'equalish' way

most people have a list a mile long...for me...that's it

expectation by its very definition is about the OTHER person

a standard by its very definition is about ME

i feel like i should be careful not to hijack montreal's thread though

You didn't hijack it, you enhanced it Trent.

I'm grateful that I'm not one of those types who chooses to over analyze every aspect of a relationship be it the expectations, perceptions, jumping to conclusions, etc.

These create misunderstandings.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Classy. Another kick while I'm down.
But you win, I've asked for my account to be deleted.
Silence is never the answer.