Faking It

[Zevon]

I feel that I am the master of faking it, I get up, go to work (have a reasonable job too), most of my colleagues think I am funny and caring. I have a social life akin to a cheers bar so yes I have company.

However I just feel so worthless and wretched it is almost all consuming. I just want to scream out that what people think they know is all false. It is like I have put this act on for so long, people only see me in character.

 

[nibbysaurus]

I'm brilliant at faking it, just ask my ex

 

[AlexD]

How good are you at faking it?  Playing the happy card when you really don't feel like it?  And, trying to be more outgoing when are an introvert.

Getting better and better at it  . I decided to stop clinging onto my introvert side so steadily, and things changed since then. As far as faking it, depends on what I am faking, but with the social side, if I sense that the other party has no clue of my interests, I try to genuinely listen and relate to the thing they care about. I have learned that I need to first offer my attention in order to expect them to be curious about me. Because ultimately it is really not about me at all. It's about two/three people trying to relax and spend some time together while hopefully learning something new and valuable from each other.

 

[Xpendable]

Sometimes you don't fake it because it's cool, but because you constantly hear people judging what you are, only they don't know that yet. It becomes a fact that they are not prepared or willing to accept you and deep down you know this.

 

[Kianda]

Putting on a happy face and smiling when you're unhappy *shudders* I did that.

I don't do it anymore because I can't keep it up and it doesn't bring me any closer to making genuine friends.

Also, over the years, the reality of my existence has hit me hard and I've lost the knack of making small talk to strangers, so nowadays, if I'm not feeling sociable I don't socialise.

If I'm interested enough to ask someone how they are, what they're feeling, how they're coping etc. it's because I genuinely want to know.

Sometimes, it would be nice if it was reciprocated, but that's the subject of another thread.

 

[MyTherapyisALL]

How good are you at faking it?  Playing the happy card when you really don't feel like it?  And, trying to be more outgoing when are an introvert.

I do it all of the time - and I can tell you that the "Fake it til you make it" worked for me. Had I not "faked it" there's no way that I would have the job I have or the life I have now (which has improved through continuous efforts and luck).

I found it things were worse when I showed my unhappy face - people would just zoom in and make fun of me for being a "loser". I also found trying to be more outgoing has actually made me more outgoing. By heart I am not, but it doesn't intimidate me as much. I definitely am not perfect - I still have a number of social baggages but I'm working through it to the best of my abilities.

At first, it does feel fake to pretend to be happy when you are not, but I believe it can help change your mindset...

DD, Why do you ask this question? Is there a particular situation bothering you?

 

[AlexD]

How good are you at faking it?  Playing the happy card when you really don't feel like it?  And, trying to be more outgoing when are an introvert.

I do it all of the time - and I can tell you that the "Fake it til you make it" worked for me. Had I not "faked it" there's no way that I would have the job I have or the life I have now (which has improved through continuous efforts and luck).

I found it things were worse when I showed my unhappy face - people would just zoom in and make fun of me for being a "loser". I also found trying to be more outgoing has actually made me more outgoing. By heart I am not, but it doesn't intimidate me as much. I definitely am not perfect - I still have a number of social baggages but I'm working through it to the best of my abilities.

At first, it does feel fake to pretend to be happy when you are not, but I believe it can help change your mindset...

DD, Why do you ask this question? Is there a particular situation bothering you?

Our brains are incredibly able to adapt to whatever thoughts we give them. There have been so many cases where people act "as if", meaning they will act like the person they are willing to create of themselves. It does work, and I have experienced it, too. It is a great strategy when you are trying to develop a new skill or mindset that will allow you to develop new skills that you aspire to have. But it has to be sincere, genuine. Otherwise it can be truly destructive.

 

[dd11]

No, nothing in particular is bothering me. Just some observations from life I guess. I get kind of tired by other people telling me that MY way of being in the world is somehow wrong or less than. We have the SMILE police. Which seem to go about saying this to women, but i rarely ever see a man being told to smile. I don't have to justify my smiling or lack thereof to strangers! Some of us just look pensive, somber or intense when we are merely trying to decide which cheese to buy at the grocery store.

As for "faking it", i had a conversation with my son about work. You do have to put on a "game face" when you go to work. Part of that may be "faking it". So, just thought it would be a good point of conversation.