Felt loved for the first time

[Unix]

Hello guys, some of you may remember me as the the guy with sex problems  :club: 

I recently got better at managing loneliness, even if the situation is still painted black, not even grey. I called 5 people for this weekend, everyone first agreed to go out with me and everyone found something else to do while they should have spent their time with me. Sad, but i'm used to so its no big deal. I will keep going 

I wanted to share a beatifull experience i had recently. I meet this girl online, extremelly confident and good looking. At first we just chatted while playing, then she contacted me on whats up on a funny thing i have written before and we started chatting, a lot. At one point she have said that she is very comfortable speaking with me and i revealed my face to her ( she actually posts her selfies almost every day on discord and whats up while i never do that kind of things) and she was very surprised to see that i was quite good looking. So we have started to have deeper conversations, on sex, on her problems ( i actually never bothered her with my problems, probably this is one of the reasons that she was attracted by me even without seeing me), on where to go with our life and so on. 

It was the first time that someone called me with a sweet name, it was the first time that someone have showed some kind of interest for me, it was the first time that someone ever written to me wishing me a good morning. It feelt amazing. I was feeling it in my heart. I have never experienced something like this. It isn't love, well, i literally felt my heart expanding when she called me "my love"...sorry, is just a unknown sensation to me, i can't describe it easily. But i don't think that it is love. I'm actually in love with her smile through :|

We even made "Sex on the telephone" basically playing a roleplaying kind of thing, like the nurse and the patient. And she have masturbated and have said later that it was an amazing experience. We "played for almost 3 hours, it was something so amazing, even without physical contact, that is blew my mind. Since we are quite far away from each other i gave her all the freedom to fresia anyone she wants so she maybe can find someone valuable. 

I have gone on an improvvisated vacation, which almost changed my life because i discovered how beatifull the world is. Now i go out with much more pleasure, even if this weekend i failed cause i spent the whole Sunday playing games, ****! I only wanted to buy some fictional book to read on my kindle and i ended up playing for the whole day. I will overcome this too. 

It seems too good to be true right? Yeah, you are right. 

This kinda of love thing have gone for 2 weeks, i was paying attention to remain a little cocky, in a friendly way, not being always avaliable, basically keeping myself interesting. 

Now she shows very little interest in me, just writing to me once a day and basically not asking me any questions. I guess that she found another one, and is fine this way. Is just that we promised to each other to meet for the new year celebrations, and i don't think that this "relationship" will survive till december. 

I'm actually unsure of what to do, should i ask her why she isn't interested anymore? I don't think this is the right choice. I may as well stop write to her for a day or two and seeing if she will search me or not. If not i guess that i can just write to her that i understand that she has no interest in me and that we might just be in contact from time to time. 

I actually care a lot about her, and i want only the best for her, so if she found someone else that makes her happy is fine, i won't say a negative word about that. 

Is just that she showed interest for me, it was the first time in my life that i felt loved, the first time i felt to be valuable to someone.

It felt...good


Thank you for reading

 

[Limlim]

Basically what happens is sometimes girls decide to try their hand at Unix based operating systems, like a Linux distribution or even perhaps FreeBSD because they disagree with GPL v3. Maybe they are sick of windows 10 and its built in spyware, having to pay the Microsoft tax or using a bloated operating system with too much legacy cruft. Whatever the reason is they decide to reach out for that alluring freedom they've heard so much about with alternative OSes. 

At the first the honeymoon phase is nothing but pure bliss, the sleak and sexy UI that she's never seen before is laid bare, hinting ever so slightly at the robust and customizable bash shell that lay beneath the first impression. Everything is new and exciting, be it the package distribution, the documentation from the community, and free apps that are far superior to so many things she could find on Windows. 

The problem is, people like what is comfortable and it can be a big change to really take the plunge to something new. Talking with someone exciting and new online isn't the same as going on a real date, or finding and buying that one set of 7.1 simulated surround sound headphones that actually work in the Unix based os because the ones she already owns have their special software only for Windows or Mac. Suddenly everything sounds like it's in 2.0 stereo, her mmo mouse only had two buttons that work, she can't hear her game sound in wine because the alsa driver is using it for something else and for some reason only 1 application at a time can use it. 

When that happens the old and familiar windows 10, despite its joyless existence provides a calm comfort, much like someone who would be anxious about sticking it out with someone new. But for all you know it could be because she has required software she has to run from her work that just isn't compatible, or any number of other reasons that are perfectly legit for not moving to free software. 

Essentially I'd say wait it out for a bit and then ask her straight up if she's still interested or if it's just not something that's going to work because she really needs a working Bluetooth driver on her Dell laptop and it just isn't going to happen in the near future.

 

[Unix]

There is some heavy poetry here, ever though about writing for playboy?

We spent another evening "playing" and it was great again. It won't work on the long run but at least it makes me happy

 

[DarkSelene]

If you really like this girl, you shouldn't talk about your sex life together online. I know it's good to feel a little cocky about it, it's all anonymous, etc... But it's not just your privacy, you know?!

 

[Unix]

I haven't said anything compromising about her. Masturbation was never a taboo where I live

 

[kaetic]

There is some heavy poetry here, ever though about writing for playboy?

We spent another evening "playing" and it was great again. It won't work on the long run but at least it makes me happy

why wouldn't it work out? distance?
I'm glad you're happy.

 

[Unix]

There is some heavy poetry here, ever though about writing for playboy?

We spent another evening "playing" and it was great again. It won't work on the long run but at least it makes me happy

why wouldn't it work out? distance?
I'm glad you're happy.

She is attractive, smart and sexually very experienced while I'm still a virgin. And she is already losing interest. For instance, why she ask me how I'm feeling and I say that I ain't doing well as I wish, she ask me why. I never talk about my problems with her, so I say that I'm feeling anxious about my future and thing like that, to which she replies "nooo" or "dont worry". Stop

Of this isn't a sign of low interest I don't know what else it could be. Add also the distance to the matter and you have a quite pessimist picture . 

Is that I can't understand why this is happening. I do lot of things, I work hard, I know how to stand for myself  and I have never treated her like she was a queen.  Plus I have even read an entire book to her. 

I really don't know, but I still take strength from this relationship. If it won't work? Fine, I will be alone again, been like this for 23 years. Somehow I will overcome this too