I remember when I was young, I used to be religious. God was present in my life every second. But life had it that I would take my distance from him. Throughout the years I kept reading the bible to find strength and indeed I found it only I was not as religious as I used to be. I remember when my mother passed away at the hospital. The family was weeping around her death bed and emotions were extremely high. I did not know what to do. I wasn't crying but was deeply in pain. Knowing that I would find, somehow, comfort in God I took my little bible with me and found myself reading it in the hospital's chapel. It was about 3 in the morning. I told myself I should not be selfish and that I had to let mother go in peace. That night God gave me strength.
I remember also in November 2005. During that time I had the darkest days of my life. Throughout my life I have seen death, poverty, violence, you name it but November 2005 was the worst period in my life. Something happened to me that changed completely my life forever. I remember that night the pain was so bad I was literally shaking. I was weeping like a child. I did not cry as much when both my parents passed away. Then I found myself turning back to God again. I remember being on my knees next to the couch in my living room late at night weeping and reciting: "Our Father who art in Heaven . . . ." I think I had recited it about 50 times while my tears were pouring down like rain. But that night God was not listening. I must admit that I even felt worse because I also discovered that I have been one SOB for remembering God only when I needed him. To me either I remember God all the time, in good and bad, or forget him altogether.
God forgive me for being so selfish...
