Friends and sex an ongoing discussion...

[QuietGuy]

Interesting post, Remedy.

Sex is one of those things that different people have wildly different opinions about. I was brought up to believe in the whole "no sex before marriage" thing, and I still think there's a lot of good in that approach. I've now become more relaxed in my opinion. If two people are deeply in love, and want to express that love in the most intimate way possible, then sex is the way to do it, married or not.

Personally, I've never understood things like "friends with benefits". But then, that's just me. Like st642 said above, "As a virgin I suppose I'm not too qualified to weigh in on this subject".

I do find it interesting when people seem so closed about sex when sexuality is such a part of who we are as a people.

I think there's a difference between being "closed about sex" (eg. prudish) and not wanting to have meaningless sex. I wouldn't say I'm prudish myself - I'm very comfortable with my sexuality (although I do wish my sex drive wasn't so high). But since sex is the most deeply intimate activity that a person can possibly engage in, the most intimate expression of love, shouldn't it be saved for a person you really love?

As for myself, if I'm horny I have sex and think nothing of it. Since I was a kid I've messed with both my guy and girl friends. It's just a way to have fun and spend the time. It never gets in the way of our friendship because there's no emotion involved other than sexual satisfaction.

Hmm, I don't really share your opinion. Sorry I'm not saying your opinion is necessarily wrong, I just don't agree with it myself. If I'm horny, I use my hand, and think nothing of it. That seems a much better way to deal with your sex drive.

Anyway, I find this discussion very interesting, and I like hearing the arguments from both sides.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If I'm horny, I use my hand, and think nothing of it. That seems a much better way to deal with your sex drive.

Agree

 

[freedom]

there are way too many things to address here for me to make my point, but basically my answer is no. i would not feel comfortable letting a partner hang around with someone that they've been sexually active with.

we all make mistakes, although some of us are more prone to making them than others. the only kinds of relationships i get into are serious, meaningful ones. in these relationships, all my trust is given to my partner, but that's not enough to stop anyone from being cheated on.

on the other hand, if the only relationships i were involved in were "flings", then no i wouldn't mind at all. i probably wouldn't care enough my partner to try and talk her out of hanging out with someone else that she's slept with.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

i would not feel comfortable letting a partner hang around with someone that they've been sexually active with.

"let?" What are you, her father? It should never be a question of one adult letting or allowing another adult to do anything. Once you get into that territory, there is an imbalance of power and respect. At that point, you've got a parent-child relationship and the game is over. Besides, how is anyone going to not let someone do something? Tie 'em up?


To the OP, generally, I would not be comfortable with a significant other spending a lot of time with a previous lover.

There are always exceptions, I'll grant you, there are the odd people out there who can maintain a legitimate, non-sexual friendship with a previous lover, but I think that more often than not, the sex thing gets in the way in some way. If it's really an issue that is making your partner uncomfortable, at some point you have to sit down and ask the question, which relationship is more important or meaningful - the friendship with the previous lover or the current lover?

 

[SofiasMami]

i would not feel comfortable letting a partner hang around with someone that they've been sexually active with.

"let?" What are you, her father? It should never be a question of one adult letting or allowing another adult to do anything. Once you get into that territory, there is an imbalance of power and respect. At that point, you've got a parent-child relationship and the game is over. Besides, how is anyone going to not let someone do something? Tie 'em up?

Hi-
This is mere semantics. What's the saying... we teach people how to treat us. If you're not comfortable with this scenario, what are you going to do? Not say anything because you don't want to be viewed as your partner's overlord? And what if this is a deal-breaker for you? Will you just "let" it continue by not doing or saying anything? Let's not quibble over words and whether they define whether a relationship is equal or unequal. There's much more to the issue than that.

Teresa

 

[cheaptrickfan]

"let?" What are you, her father? It should never be a question of one adult letting or allowing another adult to do anything. Once you get into that territory, there is an imbalance of power and respect. At that point, you've got a parent-child relationship and the game is over. Besides, how is anyone going to not let someone do something? Tie 'em up?

Hi-
This is mere semantics. What's the saying... we teach people how to treat us. If you're not comfortable with this scenario, what are you going to do? Not say anything because you don't want to be viewed as your partner's overlord? And what if this is a deal-breaker for you? Will you just "let" it continue by not doing or saying anything? Let's not quibble over words and whether they define whether a relationship is equal or unequal. There's much more to the issue than that.

Teresa

Except it's not always "just words," but a good insight into how other people view things.

One could say better, "I won't stand for it," which implies that the speaker realizes that he can't change anyone else, but by God he can say, "Hey, I hate when you do this and here's why..." or "That's a deal-breaker for me."

The day someone tells me about what he will or will not let me do is the last day we are together. Likewise, I would never talk about "allowing" my boyfriend or husband to do something. He's an adult and deserves to be treated like one instead of like a toddler.

So maybe people just ought to think a bit more carefully about the words they choose, because like it or not, they send a message. A bit more careful thought about what and how we say things may lead to fewer communication problems down the line.

 

[freedom]

like i previously stated, there are WAY TOO MANY THINGS TO ADDRESS for me to make my point. thank you SofiasMami for your support, and kudos for your comments

 

[NOAH_FX]

In my opinion, you either trust someone or you don't. If i give you my trust, it's yours until you break it, than it's gone. Don't say your sorry, it's gone, doesn't come back.. Again though, i won't be controlled, and won't control anyone else, their needs to be mutual trust for ANY relationship to work properly.

 

[Badjedidude]

Sex is ossum.

If you can have it with a friend, then it's OSSUMER.

This is my contribution to this thread.