Friends who turn out to not be friends :(

[JustALonelyGuy]

Hi

Ive suffered with keeping friends throuhout my life. Some of it, i admit was my fault on very few occasions (we all make mistakes, even me) but most people ahvent stuck around cos they have had motives. They take advantage of my good nature and wantin to be a good friend and they used deceitful tactics on me leaving me feeling not want to be close to anyone as I do now.

My last friend, was always poor at timekeepign when we went out to the pubs. Would sometimes be a an idiot for no apparent reason and then never say sorry and say 'he couldnt guarantee it not happening again' even when I told him to try his best.

The final straw came when he packed in his job, began askin me to borrow money (Id had lent him when he worked, and ahd always ave it me back) and asking me to buy him cigarettes (we both smoke). Then when he came round he claimed to ahve 'forotten' his beers then wanted a beer and a ci off me.

I personally think he lied and had no drinks of his own to bring round especially if he had 'no money. I lost it and sent him a nasty text message telling him how I felt and he said 'there was no need for me to be like that'.

I told him I was completely justified to say how i felt. I took my sim card out my mobile and he hasmnt even ran my landline over christmas and now is nearly new year. Think I will be seeing him again?

 

[Tiina63]

Hi. It sounds to me that you are not on the same wavelength as this former friend as you are incompatible in many ways. Like you, I am a good time keeper as well and find it really annoying when someone is always late, but many other people wouldn't let it get to them as they have a more relaxed attitude towards time. So maybe you should look for friends like me
Ditto your friend's behaviour. Although I have a good sense of humour, someone being a total idiot would really get to me, too, so I understand where you are coming from, though again to some other people he would probably be seen as a 'good laugh.'
I would also not like his borrowing from me (money, cigs, drinks etc) and not giving back, though maybe he sees this as temporary till he finds another job? You said he always paid you back when he was working.
Maybe you could look for friends more simialr to yourself?

 

[JustALonelyGuy]

Hi. It sounds to me that you are not on the same wavelength as this former friend as you are incompatible in many ways. Like you, I am a good time keeper as well and find it really annoying when someone is always late, but many other people wouldn't let it get to them as they have a more relaxed attitude towards time. So maybe you should look for friends like me
Ditto your friend's behaviour. Although I have a good sense of humour, someone being a total idiot would really get to me, too, so I understand where you are coming from, though again to some other people he would probably be seen as a 'good laugh.'
I would also not like his borrowing from me (money, cigs, drinks etc) and not giving back, though maybe he sees this as temporary till he finds another job? You said he always paid you back when he was working.
Maybe you could look for friends more simialr to yourself?

Thanks for the reply Tiina Glad Im not the only one who made effort to get to venues on time then be miffed off when they were late. Yeah its just seemed to et bad for some reson when he left his job. We ahd alot in common both liin old music, tv and stuff and used to have some nights out etc. Ive learnt that borrowin money is a friendship breaker and will not do it. Ill buy someoen a drink still but i make sure i get that back on the night feel free to PM me sometime if you like and we can et to know eachother. You seem cool an down to earth

 

[perfanoff]

^ My friend practices a way of using money that apparently some southern American talk show host (David Ramsey) preaches about. His practice is to not give loans, but if he gives money, doesn't expect it back. He helped me with some money to pay off my degree.

I saw another friend recently and he is living really bad while waiting to be called for a job he has lined for his job. So I gave him some money so he can be secure in eating until then.

I think that's what a friend is, we help each other in times of need. "Buddies" are something else and they come and go far more often.

 

[HappyYogi]

I think Tinas thoughts are right on. You two seem very different. I think what happens when we have low self esteem or not feel worthy of friends or really really needing friends is that we are too open. We are open to anyone who gives up attention instead of being more discriminating and asking if that person is the kind of friend we want/need.

The guy would irritate me and he doesn't sound very thoughtful or mature.

I'd learn from this and be more discriminating.