frustrated

LittleMoth · Aug 8, 2011

Hi. So I've been with my boyfriend for a little longer than 7 months now, and I thought things were going well. As far as I know I might just be paranoid. We're both 18 by the way. So we've got to the stage where we've said we love each other, it's been a few months since then actually. My problem is that I can't tell whether he means it anymore. He says it a lot, but anyone can say it and not mean it, actions are supposed to speak louder than words. Sometimes it seems like he does things because he loves me (he still wants to see me as regularly as he did when we first met, for a start), but other times he'll say something small that gets me really annoyed, and then I can't enjoy the rest of my night because I can't stop thinking about whether he's showing signs of not loving me anymore. I really don't know if it's just me being stupid and insecure. One small thing that bugs me too is that when he texts me and says he loves me he only says 'luv u', which I know could just be him being a guy but it still winds me up. If I say something first, like 'I miss you' for example, I often wonder whether he's just saying it back to be polite... can someone please help set my mind at ease? I keep acting cold towards him lately, I think as my own way of protecting myself, as I have all these doubts but I don't want to break up with him. He also told me he isn't going anywhere but, again, I never know whether he means what he says.

Limlim · Aug 8, 2011

hrm... Well hard to tell from what you've told us, but some people aren't great at showing people that they love them even if they do. I mean it's not all bad if he doesn't miss you for a small period of time. My ex gf would constantly tell me she missed me while I was at work, but really did I miss her? Nah 'cause I know I'd be seeing her in a few hours anyway. Doesn't really make me a cold person, moreso one that was comfortable knowing that she'd be there when I got back.

As for annoying you, it's bound to happen. You're in a relationship and both of you are going to eventually do **** that annoys each other. No one is perfect.

(except for me

)

SofiasMami · Aug 8, 2011

Well. I've learned to take what guys say at face value. If he says I love you (no matter if it's in texting shorthand or not!), it means he loves you. If he says he misses you, it means he misses you. If he stops saying these things, then you should worry. Don't make your suspicions become a self-fulfilling prophecy by going cold on him. I've found that most men don't play games with words.

Teresa

PS. Limlim isn't perfect but don't tell him I said so

Limlim · Aug 9, 2011

Code S.O.L · Aug 9, 2011

Insecurities. That's where it always starts.

Sci-Fi · Aug 9, 2011

Okay, the texting thing is kind of silly to get annoyed over. Really, people always short form when texting, maybe he thinks it's cute to do. Like those teddy bears holding hearts that say luv u.

I suggest not over analyzing everything, cause that is what it seems you are doing, especially if the little things annoy you. You said he still wants to see you as regularly as when you first met, so no love has been lost there. If it had he wouldn't. Plus your relationship is only ~7 months old.

Those little annoyances are what form a relationship, talk to any couple and they can probably give you a huge list of little things their SO does that drives them crazy. Heck, watch The Marriage Ref, lol.

Oh, and btw you are not being stupid, insecure, yes, stupid no. But really everything you are feeling is typical at some point in a relationship. More so with women than men.

LittleMoth · Aug 9, 2011

Thanks for all the replies, it's helped me quite a bit. I don't know if I added that it's mainly when I'm with him that I have the feelings of insecurity, and when I'm away from him I tend to think more logically... is there anything I can do to stop myself from feeling so insecure all the time?