getting hit on

[zem]

mostly asking other girls:
how are you supposed to react when approached by a stranger?
can it go smoothly? is it ever enjoyable?

I'm pretty sure something's wrong with me. I'm not even very shy and I'm a normal amount of quiet in social situations, but something about getting hit on by a random stranger practically triggers a physical allergic reaction. The same thing always always happens and it's always so unpleasant.

I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to completely freeze up, turn purple, feel your heart in your throat, glue your eyes to the floor and feel an overwhelming sense of dread when a guy tries to talk to you. What is this?! Extreme social anxiety but only in ONE situation?

I'm not talking about getting hit on in clubs or bars or other places where it's pretty much fair game. I mean everyday places where you feel like being anonymous, like while looking at dresses at the vintage shops. A guy walked up to me and gave me a post it with his name and phone number on it, said he was a comedian opening at a sold out show in LA, and said he'd like to see me there and would put my name on a list. Woah..that was really weird. That kind of thing's never happened to me before and I was 10% flattered, but mostly wanting him to stop talking to me and leave

please tell me I'm not the only one?

 

[Panda]

Could it be that it's unexpected in that situation, as in, you wouldn't usually expect to go out shopping and have random people hit on you and it caught you completely out of the blue?

I might be completely wrong (usually ) but I suffer with anxiety and even though I'd love to have a boyfriend, if some guy comes up to me in the middle of a shop, or some place I wouldn't expect to be hit on, it knocks me completely out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't have had time to think through it or prepare, and honestly it would probably freak me out and I'd want to dart out of there ASAP.

 

[Qui]

I just automatically think they're a player or whatever and go along with it until they ask for my phone number, at which point I tell them (truthfully) that my cell phone broke, and I'm sorry.
But I'm not a complete social retard. It's just weird, I've never been hit on by someone my own age so I'm never really interested. I mean, ok, 20-somethings hitting on teenage girls aren't usually upstanding citizens. Or even intersted. So I don't worry about it much. I suppose I've hugged people before, but that's about it.

 

[zem]

hahahahaha sleepflower, you're brave! I'm imagining the look on the guy's face when you just disappear after drinks. Must be fantastic
It seems like you're pretty confident. I can't stand talking to really slimy guys who leer and just want to sleep with anyone so the flight or fight response hits pretty hard, but I also feel very very awkward and shy talking to guys who are friendly and good looking because I feel quite intimidated and feel like they made a mistake. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm just not dazzling and flashy at all!

The I guess I should have mentioned that the whole allergic reaction thing only happens when it's really obvious that they've been staring at you for a while, like popping out and bluntly saying, "hii'mmikewantedtosayhibecauseithinkyou'recute". Uh...what are you supposed to say to that?
And Panda, you're right. No one likes to be surprise attacked!

I don't have low self esteem, I'm just genuinely surprised when a stranger tries to chat me up without knowing me at all. I send out pretty strong "please don't talk to me" vibes and I wear mousy dresses and skirts like a little girl.
I'm also not trying to be arrogant or anything. I just want to know how to stop my body from reacting so crazily!! Seriously, the only feeling that can compare is waiting to make one of those horrible three minute presentations in front of your class at the middle school science fair.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

mostly asking other girls:

HEY! Guys get hit on lots too.

I took my sister and mother to a nice restaurant in Toronto this weekend and I was hit on by an older lady.

When I used to go to bars and clubs I was the only one in my group who would have women approach me. I have never ever looked or acted the "player" part as well. I guess when you have a low libido and just act like you don't give a **** some women are willing to try and get your attention right away.

I never met a girl that made me try to hit on them. Then again, I live in a small town with very close minded people and girls who just love *********s.

 

[Irishdoll]

Well, I'm so old now that guys don't ever hit on me anymore. I really do think it's my age these days. My husband says it's because I have that constant, "I'm a biotch" look and don't mess with me cause I'm not easy. I even used to go to clubs with friends and I would sit at the tables all by myself.
I've had a few occasions where I've just been walked up to out of the blue, but I feel so flattered when they talk to me that I just humor them along. If they ask for my number I'll say I don't do that, give me yours.I never call. It's just too weird. It's like I don't know you from Adam and you want my phone number. It definitely leaves a bad taste.

 

[Freakin_Amazin]

Don't treat guys badly if they hit on you. Of course it depends on HOW they do it, but sometimes a shy guy will build up the courage to talk to a girl he likes. Personally I don't like to walk up to the girl whose the prettiest and talks the most and has the most people around her. It's got to be someone who understands what it's like to be me. So I'll talk to the shy ones, the one's who seem to be alone just wandering about. If I do it at all, that is

 

[zem]

Devan: i dunno, there's something attractive about a guy who isn't responsive to every girl who walks by. It's mysterious and implies that he has a life and interests other than sex.

Freakin_amazing: Don't get me wrong, I like having pleasant conversations with random people where flirtation is implied.
But to be stopped by a (usually a much older) guy who begins and ends all possibililty of conversation with a lame come on and up and down look makes you feel so gross.

About guys getting hit on: It's true! I see it all the time. I was walking around in a beach town with a guy friend when a girl in a bikini stepped in front of him and said calmly, "I wanna rape you".
Seriously. Maybe she was drunk? He was so horrified.

 

[copperation]

You should be grateful you even get the attention.

A few years ago when I was younger and slimmer and clothes looked better on me, I'd get quite a few girls 'hit' on me. However, they'd be too flashy or sexually provocative so I'd turn them down. Now that I don't even get that kind of attention any more I kind of miss it.

 

[Minus]

Could i ask what "getting hit on" means? Does there have to be something suggestive said or is it just being approached by some stranger of the opposite sex, or something in between? I guess i am trying to understand the different between "getting hit on" and just innocent chat from a stranger or if there is any difference.

 

[Jeremi]

By "hitting" on someone, I'm thinking like, asking for someones phonenumber. Or is just talking to a stranger these days considered hitting on someone? C'mon, that's harsh

 

[Minus]

but i taking it to mean a random stranger asking you for your number, asks you out on a date or to go home with you after a night out.

Thank you both. In my ignorance i would think there would be a big difference between asking for a phone number and asking to go home with someone. While i have never asked a stranger for a phone number and doubt that i ever would, it would seem like a way to not lose contact with someone you may never run across again. Still not expecting anything except maybe the chance to get to know someone a little better from chatting.

It is not a situation that i find myself in and bow to the wisdom that do have to deal with that situation because they know what makes them feel uncomfortable and what is just asking for trouble.

Oh heck, on second thought i can see very good reasons for not giving out a number to someone you don't know well.

Obviously i just don't know this type stuff.

 

[Leef `c]

I will never hit on a girl. Way too shy, but it sucks because girls aren't hitting on me either, so I dunno what the hell to do.

 

[Bluey]

I will never hit on a girl. Way too shy, but it sucks because girls aren't hitting on me either, so I dunno what the hell to do.

Well you don't have to hit on them. just go and start making friendly talk. Oh is that the same? lol Well talk to them like you would a guy, well not just how you would a guy lol. So OK is it possible for a guy to go access to where a girl is and just start making friendly talk with out her thinking that your some n00b just trying to get into her knickers?

 

[Leef `c]

I will never hit on a girl. Way too shy, but it sucks because girls aren't hitting on me either, so I dunno what the hell to do.

Well you don't have to hit on them. just go and start making friendly talk. Oh is that the same? lol Well talk to them like you would a guy, well not just how you would a guy lol. So OK is it possible for a guy to go access to where a girl is and just start making friendly talk with out her thinking that your some n00b just trying to get into her knickers?

Yeah, but even if you're playing it off as friendly talk you'll eventually have to ask her out or else stay in the friend zone.

 

[Bluey]

I will never hit on a girl. Way too shy, but it sucks because girls aren't hitting on me either, so I dunno what the hell to do.

Well you don't have to hit on them. just go and start making friendly talk. Oh is that the same? lol Well talk to them like you would a guy, well not just how you would a guy lol. So OK is it possible for a guy to go access to where a girl is and just start making friendly talk with out her thinking that your some n00b just trying to get into her knickers?

Yeah, but even if you're playing it off as friendly talk you'll eventually have to ask her out or else stay in the friend zone.

Ye you don't wont to get trapped in the friend zone lol This happens all to often. well I do think if there is chemistry there its going to happen eventually whether or not you wont to stay friends.

 

[capricious]

I've been hit on a few times... (if you count asking me out by strangers as 'hit on') :S If I'm interested in someone (whenever that day comes..=_=;, I'd probably write a love letter and include my number or email. :3 xD I'm too shy to say words.. So yeah. It might be cheesy but at least I get my message through.

 

[loketron]

im cheesy like that too
passin notes and stuff like that
i guess its cuz ive been tied down for almost a decade and i only remember high school flirting
*sigh* whatever