Getting rejected twice

[Eternitydreamer]

Still haven't heard from any of these two people or even thr staff. I just wonder why I'm so nice and caring. Maybe I should be a *****...I complimented the staff member like crazy ans the other person stopped talking to me

 

[MisterLonely]

Definitly don't be a ***** on purpose, I would say noone should change themselves to make friends or do well in any type of relationship. But the reality is a little different, we all have to temper ourselves untill the other party is comfortable with the depth off immersion a true friendship requires.

So even if it's hard try not to come over too strong, try being a little relaxed about all your contacts with others, whether you like this person or not and whether you want to befriend them or not. Coming over as clingy will drive people away before they even get to know you.

Hope you have a good day!

 

[Jack Rainier]

Relax up a bit. Forget searching and be your usual sweet self. If anyone is going to become attracted, they'll see you just as you are. Often, friendship starts with light conversation over a nice frothy, lazy cappuccino.

 

[Paraiyar]

They are probably just too lazy to respond.

 

[Meaw]

From what I can read, you try way too hard. I get it ain't easy not to try some times - but the people in chat are right. You need to be comfortable with yourself, and the harsh truth is that that can take time.
They might have partners, or people they already like. They might have been hurt, or they might be simply uninterested. From one overanalyzer to another - start accepting yourself and handle being alone. The better you do that, the better you'll handle those social situations.
I am not sure as to how long you've "known" them, but I'd suppose the answer is "not much", which for the very most people is a bit early to start a freindship or relationship, especially when one of the persons in question is an ALL member - it's like an invisible sign in our foreheads that mark us sometimes.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Yes, its overthinking. It would be mega sensible if you forget the girl if she ignores you. Don't throw your emotions on girls before you get to know them. In case of throwing emotions on a person, ladies first.
If she doesn't respond, find another girl. She is already looking for a more suitable guy than you. I tell you, do NOT, bother her, ever, again. If she comes later, decide whether you want to be with her or not. if don't, tell her that you aren't interested in her anymore, you are already looking for a better woman or are with a better woman (whatever is the case)... Don't keep following girls who don't care about you.

 

[morrowrd]

well, there is a lady who goes to my sports group I found her online and messaged her. She ignored the message. I deleted the conversation (they can still read it) so not sure if she even resd it. So today I sent a frie d request and she accepted it but wont talk to me. I feel mighty stupid. She won't answer me or do anything...I am mega confused and feel mega stupid!!,!!

I also days ago sent a message to a staff member and was mega nice. She said "yes (my name) i do the van driving, I am (her name) ". The rejection kills me. I sent a friendrequest too. Was i stupid to do so? what do I do if she denies it? will be mega awkward around her. I really like ner and said she is cool. Guess I made a huge fool of myself? How can I face her now?!? She didn't even respond to my nice comments! I saidto her just now "yay! Hope you accept my friend request!" Plus a few cute emojis. Maybe I forced that too much.
I feel so stupid just forcing this is my only way of making friends and what I said to her was true (I said I feel happy when I see her and like it when she is there)
Guess I should never return back to thr place ever again?? I want to go into hiding now. Guess I am just a client after all just sitting at home for 12 long years and you meet someone cool I want to make an effort. But guess I f***ed up and crossed the line now
I am just a plain person..no one special. She has read the message about adding her.

Thinking of deleting the first person. I am so dumb... Just want to wallow in a pit now.
I am such an *****...I can't stand this.
She is at work right now I imagine and can imagine her gossiping about me to thr other staff...just want to kill myself in shame

Anytime you have to puppy-dog after a woman to get her attention, is bad. "Bad" in this sense is an understatement.  You've made yourself look pathetic, to her/yourself. I think lonely people do desperate things many times when it comes to meeting the opposite *** - both men and women.  And I get it, it's hard, but the last thing you need is to make things worse for your sense of confidence.

Rule of thumb, if it's awkward, it's probably the wrong thing. The key to success is working on yourself, succeeding in little "other" areas first (baby steps) - I said it before, I'll say it again, ONLINE DATING is an excellent resource.  It's a pool of people all there looking to meet others to date.  Date some approachable girls to begin with, get your communication skills up to power, so you don't have to rely on a bunch of facebook smiley faces and the overuse of lol's when sending a message - which is a sign of "pathetic-ness"

 

[Eternitydreamer]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

 

[morrowrd]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

Well there really aren't a whole lot of other options out there. Approaching women on the street, at the store/mall, anywhere is considered creepy in this day and age. That is, unless you're Joe Charisma - which I'm guessing you're not. I remember as a teenager, learning to pick up women from a friend at a fireman's field days.  We walked behind them, and watched to see if they turned around and smiled. Hell, I ended up hanging out with a cute one that night, got her phone number and everything.  Not anymore is that the way to do things. 

You do have the right to give up. Sometimes it's best to not set ourselves up for failure - although in the case of not trying, you're guaranteed to know the outcome.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

I'm ugly and I could get someone. That excuse doesn't fly.

 

[Ignis]

"Ugly" people usually aren't ugly, it's normally low self-esteem talking.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Online Dating is no easier than attempting to date anywhere else, in fact... I'd almost argue it's more difficult for males (And females) because Females get bombarded with messages and she has to sift through them all, figuring out who is genuine, who isn't, who she feels she'd click with.
Males get a similar thing on much smaller levels, but just because you're Online and your dating pool is larger, doesn't mean finding someone is easier... The men you're competing with (And you are kinda competing with them because you're all trying to win the chance to talk to this girl) is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY larger than simply approaching a girl at a bar, or a cafe, or what have you.

Give it time man, it's not gonna happen overnight.

 

[Xpendable]

Today you can't even approach without being accused of sexual harassment. People don't know how to relate anymore.

 

[Eternitydreamer]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

I'm ugly and I could get someone. That excuse doesn't fly.

Well, maybe you think are ugly but aint?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

I'm ugly and I could get someone. That excuse doesn't fly.

Well, maybe you think are ugly but aint?

No, I am. Thing about is, I don't care to be pretty. I'd much rather rely on my experience and my ability to adapt to be able to do things when I need to. If someone doesn't like my face, they don't have to look at it. It's widely said looks are most important because that's what too many people make it about. I think if we were to focus on other aspects, we'd have a better chance of connecting with someone on a level that's not revolved around looks.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Online dating is ridiculous..I was too ugly for any date or anybody

I'm ugly and I could get someone. That excuse doesn't fly.

Well, maybe you think are ugly but aint?

Neither one of you is ugly.  I only know what one of you look like, but I know neither of you is ugly.  No one is ugly, at least not physically.  What makes one ugly is on the inside, not the outside.

 

[user 115627]

I guess I'll go with some sort of middle ground. There are physically ugly people and I think it's harmful to tell people that all beauty is in the eye of the beholder or on the inside. That's a lie, there are objective and subjective markers of physical beauty. If people show me pictures of themselves I will attempt to give an as objective as possible analysis if they desire such a thing.

But I will also say that I have noticed that people that outright say they are ugly are often not nearly as objectively ugly as they describe themselves. It can be in their heads for the most part. Or they could improve their appearance through relatively simple means - which I don't necessarily argue for because that can be terribly eye-opening once you get offers from people who previously refused to even look at you.

I have seen objectively ugly people. Strangely enough they didn't seem very concerned with their appearance and rarely referred to themselves as ugly either.

 

[TheRealCallie]

When I say no one is ugly, I don't mean that no one has physical deformities or even that they are "good looking" based on society's outrageous standards.
I just honestly believe that no one is ugly based on their physical appearance.

 

[user 115627]

When I say no one is ugly, I don't mean that no one has physical deformities or even that they are "good looking" based on society's outrageous standards.
I just honestly believe that no one is ugly based on their physical appearance.

Doesn't that make the word ugly devoid of any meaning?

 

[TheRealCallie]

When I say no one is ugly, I don't mean that no one has physical deformities or even that they are "good looking" based on society's outrageous standards.
I just honestly believe that no one is ugly based on their physical appearance.

Doesn't that make the word ugly devoid of any meaning?

Not really.  A person can still be ugly, it's just not based on what they look like, IMO.  I know quite a few ugly people.

 

[user 115627]

When I say no one is ugly, I don't mean that no one has physical deformities or even that they are "good looking" based on society's outrageous standards.
I just honestly believe that no one is ugly based on their physical appearance.

Doesn't that make the word ugly devoid of any meaning?

Not really.  A person can still be ugly, it's just not based on what they look like, IMO.  I know quite a few ugly people.

So you removed the physical component from ugly, but yet there are still physically objectively unattractive people.

...oh well, as far as I'm concerned there are already words for people who are ugly on the inside. Like *******.