Getting upset with my loneliness.

[Bebeskii]

Today I was really upset at school. While I was decorating the ceiling of my english class, I found my classmates having so much fun in separate groups. Me being with them and me alone are pretty much the same; they do not care about me at all. I usually get sad and depressed and wonder why there are so distant from me, but today I was really angry and serious towards them ; yelling at them to come and help me, when boys were laughing and kind of cuddling each other I shouted at them to be quite. They were all obeying me and it was certain that they were surprised. I remember I got really angry a month ago when two of my classmate boys were watching a video while cuddling each other ( of course they're straight ). I was feeling very empty inside my chest and I was having a kind of shortness of breath. Interestingly an electrical fan behind them suddenly broke and threw pieces of plastic to them with terrible noise.
My family member said that getting angry over loneliness is psychotic and stupid. I think there's nothing wrong with me but I'm bit confused. By the way, I'm always kind and polite to my peers and never show bad attitude. However, I feel that it is better to perceived by others as angry rather than miserable. Turning my loneliness into anger gave me so much confidence to me. Maybe being too kind-hearted and polite to them is the reason why they consider me as an acquiantance. Though I'm naturally kind-hearted I wanna see what would be different if i start acting mean and brutally honest to them. Who knows if they stop treating me poorly. What do you think ?

 

[pandas123]

Hmmm, not sure how to respond to this as my loneliness has never led to me getting angry at all, but rather i just feel sad or depressed. I'd say its good to be brutally honest sometimes but don't let your anger control your life altogether. You said you're usually a kind-hearted person so just continue to be just that, be you. If they continue to treat you poorly though, I'd just forget them.

 

[Veruca]

Hey Bebeskii,

Sorry your friends are treating you like that. I think so many of us in this forum can relate to this...feeling alienated and ignored by our peers. I don't really have any good advice for you, I too find myself in this situation time after time. And yeah, not everyone understands

I have tried to become more like my peers in the hopes of being accepted, but to be honest, eventhough it might work for awhile, eventually you'll feel exhausted. And your conscience would be nagging at you. If you're going to change something about yourself, it should be because you think it would make you a better person/happier. Not for others.

But hey, I do think there are people out there who will accept us as we are, so often we find such people online, like in this forum, so there must be hope that we might meet them in person at some point. I know I have occasionally. So hang in there. If you want to meet different types of people, because the ones in school are not so awesome, you might try joining activities outside of school? Voluntary work/interest groups/bookclubs, you never know who you might meet

 

[Bebeskii]

Hmmm, not sure how to respond to this as my loneliness has never led to me getting angry at all, but rather i just feel sad or depressed. I'd say its good to be brutally honest sometimes but don't let your anger control your life altogether. You said you're usually a kind-hearted person so just continue to be just that, be you. If they continue to treat you poorly though, I'd just forget them.

I will forget them gradually after i graduate my high school. Only one year no just few months left. After finding my true loyal friends I will forget those bad memories in high school completely.

---

Hey Bebeskii,

Sorry your friends are treating you like that. I think so many of us in this forum can relate to this...feeling alienated and ignored by our peers. I don't really have any good advice for you, I too find myself in this situation time after time. And yeah, not everyone understands

I have tried to become more like my peers in the hopes of being accepted, but to be honest, eventhough it might work for awhile, eventually you'll feel exhausted. And your conscience would be nagging at you. If you're going to change something about yourself, it should be because you think it would make you a better person/happier. Not for others.

But hey, I do think there are people out there who will accept us as we are, so often we find such people online, like in this forum, so there must be hope that we might meet them in person at some point. I know I have occasionally. So hang in there. If you want to meet different types of people, because the ones in school are not so awesome, you might try joining activities outside of school? Voluntary work/interest groups/bookclubs, you never know who you might meet

I hope university life would be much better. Honestly my country is very poor and also its infrastructure. I searched a lot to find some clubs but i did find only few and those were totally unsuitable for me. I'm willing to do some voluntary work, not for just university application, but I'm not confident enough to drag myself with many strangers (usually adults) for a real work. I might make a fool of myself or people might laugh at me how useless I am.
I will keep trying to find my dream friend, but it is tough in high school now. Some adults would think my issue is a total ******** or I'm too lazy and have so much time to suffer from loneliness. Thank you for considering my issue and giving an advice.