Guess What? I'm a Freak.

[Doubt The Rabbit]

To quote a recent blog post of mine...some parts will be edited out 'cause it ain'tchur business.

This is an account of the things I heard and felt when bringing up, in passing, a friend with strange fetishes - like mine - to my mother.

[...]Too much emphasis is put on people who are out of the spectrum of normalcy. I believe this is what makes them act out. This is what makes them freaks of nature - because everyone tells them that's what they are. To be honest, I was appalled by my mother's point of view. She made it as if he was a demon. She made it as if he was beyond help. She made it as if there wasn't a doubt in her mind that this person was a freak.


Of course, it wouldn't upset me so much if all it meant to me was her point of view about some guy she didn't even know. No, it meant more. What about her point of view on me? Her being a Buddhist, I would have thought that my mother was more open to people's plights. [...] I thought she wouldn't resort to such a linear and judgmental way of thinking.


I was wrong.


Suddenly, as I become defensive for this man during our conversation, I realize this isn't just about some man. It's about me. What say you about me, mom? What would you think if you found out I don't just like men - I like women too? What would you think if you knew I enjoyed BDSM and fetishism [...]? Am I a monster, too? Am I a freak?


Tell me, mom, will you slander me behind my back the same way you slander your gay "friends" behind their backs? I put qotation marks around the word friends because you're no friend of theirs. You're two-faced and mean. You're a backstabber. Closed-minded and filtered. You're a hypocrite.


But it's okay. People like us...we don't need people like you. I'll find somewhere where I can express my feelings freely without being made to feel like some kind of god damned freak of nature. Clearly, that place isn't here. It never was, not with you.

To be honest I had stronger feelings to express in my conclusion but got lost in thought about how judgmental my mother has been today - how much I realize that in this house, I would do best not to say anything about myself, what I really am, and what I've done.

It's okay, though. I'm not in any closet. I'm not afraid of being bisexual or a kink. I'm not ashamed of me and don't give a flipping **** whether other people accept me or not. I'm just ashamed that that's the kind of person my mother, the one person I expected to accept me, really is.

I originally wasn't going to post this, but I thought with all the "strange" people coming out of the woodworks lately, I figured it couldn't hurt.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yeah i wouldnt be telling your mother those things about yourself she'd just use them as ammunition to hurt you with.

 

[Badjedidude]

You ARE a freak, bunneh, but it has NOTHING to do with your sexual inclinations or fetishes. (smirk) teehee

*hugs*

I understand that feel.

I can't speak for your mother, but I CAN speak from my own experience... and in my experience, most parents are quite bad at dealing with change and facing a new world with new societal expectations than the world they grew up in. Combine that with the natural parental inability to understand their children in a sexual context (what may or may not be sexually interesting to their children, etc), and add to that a conservative upbringing...

...and we get what we get.

Parents who would disown us if we told them certain things about our lives.

No worries (Y) They dun hafta know anyway.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Yeah i wouldnt be telling your mother those things about yourself she'd just use them as ammunition to hurt you with.

Yeah I wasn't exactly itching to tell her my business anyway. It just kinda hurt me to see her go out of her way to vilify this guy who wasn't even a bad guy. It reenforced my belief that my parents need not know my business. I mean, I already expected it from my father, but god it was just sickening to see such hypocrisy out of my mother.

You ARE a freak, bunneh, but it has NOTHING to do with your sexual inclinations or fetishes. (smirk) teehee

*hugs*

I understand that feel.

I can't speak for your mother, but I CAN speak from my own experience... and in my experience, most parents are quite bad at dealing with change and facing a new world with new societal expectations than the world they grew up in. Combine that with the natural parental inability to understand their children in a sexual context (what may or may not be sexually interesting to their children, etc), and add to that a conservative upbringing...

...and we get what we get.

Parents who would disown us if we told them certain things about our lives.

No worries (Y) They dun hafta know anyway.

A New York native growing up conservative? Nawwww...
You're right for the most part, but like I said to Soph, it wouln't have surprised me if she hadn't built this image in me that she was fair and accepting. Take my father, for example, whose opinion of me I don't give a flyin' rat's ass about.
Still, though, yeah, not only do they not have to know, I won't ache if they do or don't.

...WAIT HOW AM I A FREAK?! (un)

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Teehee (smirk)

 

[Anonymous Rex]

I think words like 'freak' are unfair to this - obviously I don't know the details of your life but being bisexual isn't really strange at all.
Well, if you're with both at the same time, then maybe a little freakish

As for BDSM, as long as you're not damaging anyone there's no harm to it, but you may not want to tell your mother, who maybe thinks of you still as her little girl... I'm not a parent, but reversing the roles, I wouldn't want to know what my parents get up to...

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

LOL. I saw a pair of black fuzzy handcuffs in my dad's van. That was more than enough for me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well....Rabbit
Im sorry your parents are not acceptence of you.
Love you for you.
Im not Bi...
I know what it's like to have a parent not love you and go out of thier way to
actaully destroy you. My father hates me. To have a parent that actually hates you is really odd.
Maybe it's from that hurt and pain that makes me who i am.

As a parent, I would never ever want my duaghter to have to suffer that.
I love Kimi with all my heart and soul.....unconditionally.
Her sexuality and everything else of how she lives is definitely for not faint of hearts.
She opens her heart and soul to me as who she is.
Unconditional Love....thats what Kimi teaches me or gives me.
To actaully live it and experince it first hand.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Kudos to you, LC. That's a very profound lesson learned as a parent.
Perhaps one of these days my own parents will learn that lesson.

 

[passage]

Look, I don't know about your parents exactly, but that generation grew up differently. You don't have to tell your parents about your sex life, and all the kinks that go along with it. It seems simple to me. I'm not going to tell my mother what kinky crap (not really that kinky) I'm into because I know it'll seem f***ed up to her.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

The issue wasn't about my telling them anything. The point of this thread was how shocked I was to see my mother be such a hypocrite to everything she taught me and made me believe.

 

[Anonymous Rex]

The issue wasn't about my telling them anything. The point of this thread was how shocked I was to see my mother be such a hypocrite to everything she taught me and made me believe.

Unfortunately, I think it's just part of human nature to cast 'the other' as the villain, to cast blame on someone other than ourselves and those like us, rather than face up to why we feel uncomfortable around certain groups of people.

Not that I'm accusing your mum of anything that serious, just that I think it's something that's pretty normal. Whether you want to hold it against her is up to you, but I don't think her reaction is that unusual. For what that's worth.

 

[whispers]

Nah, your not a freak, i think you know that...look around lol, you are the norme.

Sometimes i wonder what fuels that kind of anger or judging of other peoples lifestyles. Who are they hurting ???? Who is doing the most damage ? The people who hate and judge are hurting themselves and people around them.
Again i wonder...why does it affect her that much ? I know for myself, when i judge or hate, its something personnal...it wakes up a wound inside of me, a memory that makes anger resurface.

I also understand how you must feel, when you think you know someone and their values and everything changes... oops i was acting all these years...sad, some people cant deal with their issues and wont even own up to them.

Just be true to yourself, cause you are awesome