Guys will only be your friend if you're hot and/ or because of potential for sex...

[Monster]

Men are horny and are veiwed as the dominant species, so they are the ones always taking the first steps to persue a long mating tradition, while the highly favored females sit back and watch the thirsty wolfs try to win them over...... whats new lol.

Good for you for wanting to stray away from this barbaric tradition that you wish to be no part of...... or do you lol

 

[beans]

Men are horny

Oh, okay.

while the highly favored females sit back and watch the thirsty wolfs try to win them over...... whats new lol.

Highly favoured females like Roseanne Bar?

 

[Limlim]

You think Roseanne Bar is highly favored? Actually come to think of it, she has been married several times hasn't she?

 

[Ak5]

Be prepared to get that a lot JohnHenry, especially at your age. Teenagers are cruel. If you don't pop a chub everyt ime you look at a pretty girl with a nice rack, and talk to them for other purposes then getting in their pants then you'll be labeled as gay. Sad but true.

True story, I know from experience.

Seconded! Err, thirded!

 

[LostInside]

To the guys that agree with the topic title :

Do you think every gay man that is your friend/acts friendly only do so because they want to have sex with you? If not, what's the difference?

I think there's every type of people in the world, and all absolute statements are wrong (including this one! ...oh wait)

I don't agree with the title but I do see a rational as to why a homosexual male who only cares about sex would be friends with a female. If all males only wanted sex like the title says then...

1. Heterosexual males are only friends to have sex with females
2. Homosexual males are only friends with females to learn about new "ideas" for sex with other males

I think the OP was referring to heterosexual males all along as she is heterosexual as well.

You quoted the post I was replying to, read that post.

 

[IgnoredOne]

You think Roseanne Bar is highly favored? Actually come to think of it, she has been married several times hasn't she?

I fantasize in secret of her gargantuan mammaliaries atop loose, budging stomaches where every deep crease and wrinkle holds secrets.

 

[Badjedidude]

I'd only be my friend for sex. Only makes sense that a women would be my friend for sex.

 

[cumulus.james]

Anyone wanna shag me? You don't have to be my friend or even speak to me?

 

[condemnedsoul666]

Anyone wanna shag me? You don't have to be my friend or even speak to me?

I'm straight, male and 16, I'm out.
(lol at my dragon's denness)

 

[Ayunae]

I don't think this to be as clear cut as "wanting sex=bad." I have a female friend whom I get on with very well, and I'll admit I probably started talking to her more than I would other people because she was female. Do I want to have sex with her? Hell yes I do and she knows fine well, we can joke about it. I don't just want that because I find her hot though (even if she is!), I want that because I have an emotional connection to her because of us being friends. I know she won't judge me or things won't be awkward etc etc. People, both male and female, want sex, it's the way things are and I don't see it to be necessarily bad, not everyone is a total sex craving lunatic. On the other hand I can just as easily be friends with other people that I don't really want to have sex with, whether it be other males or females that just don't work for me that way, it doesn't make them any less my friends, and wanting it with the first person doesn't make her any less my friend either simply because we can joke about it so much, she loves to tease me for it >:

I probably failed to make my point entirely - the fact is I want it and she doesn't, but it's not the horribly dirty thing to simply meet some physical desires that people seem to make it out to be. To me it was a sign that I trusted and respected her, and was comfortable enough to feel that way, and those are great foundations for a friendship imo.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I'd like to make friends but the person I went with (relative who is 1000x hotter than me and more than twice my age) kept getting swarmed by men and women for friendship. I tried to talk to people but at times, they redirected their focus on her when she started talking...she much hotter.

Yup, I know exactly what you mean about this one, alot of people aren't aware of it, and deny it when I try to explain it; I've been on both sides of it so I KNOW. People DO that. For real. Men especially.

If I go out with my eldest daughter, people have eyes for just her - if I go out with my former boss it's the opposite. People's respect and attention go towards the one that looks best first. And indeed they redirect their focus to give priority of speech to that person. It's absurd.

This behaviour is really natural but somehow rude and unfair and stupid. What's even more stupid is when you try to talk about this to people, and tell them how annoying it is, and they have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[jjam]

That has happened to me a lot with people I sincerely doubt would get more votes than me for physical attraction. There is something else going on, something perhaps physical (likely not "best looks" but a welcoming vs intimidating countenance) and mental at the same time. I know that I have issues holding eye contact that I'm working on, but I've noticed that people will look more at the person who is showing most interest in what that person is saying. I'm not entirely sure how I look in 3 (or more) way conversations in person, but I wouldn't be surprised if people sometimes get the impression that I'm bored or not interested in talking to them, even though it may not be true. Body language's a bitch.

 

[2firstnaymz]

Hi Luna, pleased to meet you

You said:
"Guys will only be your friend if you're hot and/ or because of potential for sex..."

Not true. About 4 years ago I met this (straight) guy at work who had just started there. He's a dozen years younger than me and learned I was happily married through random conversation. I was never flirty; very "one of the guys" with him from the start.

He was in a crappy mood one day, so I said, "Hey, let's get outta here and grab some lunch." It became a habit. I got laid off from the job (he was all "Are you serious?!?" when I told him), but we kept in touch so we'd meet up for late lunch/early dinner when he got off work. We became drinking buddies, talking about random everyday stuff or something stupid going on in our lives at the time; and I can always count on him to cheer me up when ******* piss me off.

My husband was always totally cool about our friendship. Wasn't too long before I had them meet, and now the guy's a fixture at our cookouts and the three of us hang out together often - whether at our house, a bar, restaurant, or beer festival. We just took him out to dinner for his birthday. And since he's not gay, he's sometimes checking out and commenting on the babes around us, which can get rather entertaining. :rolleyes2:

Since I always seem to have a difficult time keeping female friends, I admit I consider myself lucky to know him...but I'm also proof that you most definitely CAN have a platonic friendship with a guy. There are some cool ones out there; you'll find him. Maybe where you work?

 

[somber_radiance]

A lot of people tell me I'm hot/sexy, but guys treat me like **** cuz they think I'm a ****....just by the way I look. I don't even get a chance to show them who I really am. They don't give a **** about what I have to say. If I ever make ONE mistake...they just dump me (whether we were friends or dating)...and blame it all on me. Like I'm the EVIL EVE that gave them the forbidden fruit and cursed the whole human race..............

 

[The Pariah]

I know this a necro thread and the OP will never read this but I just thought I'd chime with my tuppence.

It's a well known idea that people can sense desperation. With the amount of forever alones the OP posted it's not hard to imagine that comes across subconciously. If you were confident and independent you'd probably get more friends of both genders. I have a real hard time talking to women, but do you know what's worse than trying to talk to a girl you find attractive? A girl you don't find attractive talking to you and indicating she's interested because then you have to reject her.

I have female friends who I'm not interested in and vice versa and we get on great, but several times I have chatted away to a girl for her to suddenly try making a move. Either I gave the wrong signals or they misread them. Guys do it to, especially with women they find attractive, friendliness gets read "I want to jump your bones" and the guy will get shot down.

Surprisingly it sucks just as much turning someone else down as it does being turned down yourself, perhaps moreso due to the added guilt. It's just easier to make it clear you're not interested from the outset to prevent crossed lines, the same as hot women do to myself and my male friends.

Having been on both ends, of course it's annoying, especially if your own intentions were nothing more than platonic, but it hurts less to be ignored at the start than it does to have false hope build up only to be turned down later.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I agree with you though, that most people (both men and women) pay attention to the most hottest looking girl in a group even if she was the most boring, quiet and uninteresting person on the earth. That's just the way men are. They are after all, very graphic and visual.

I think people pay attention to the most charismatic, not necessarily the most 'physically beautiful'. Who is going to get your attention, a pretty face, or the person that commands the room through presence.

In the meantime, we hook up occasionally to spend time out. I like hanging out with women.

Women are great to hang out with. It's a pity that the majority of male advances towards them (even if in simple friendship) are seen as a power play or sexual advance.

I'd love to have more female friends. I'd love to learn more about women, what they like, love and hate. I'd like to know them as people, because they are people, but they are most definitely different from men-people!

... There is bound to be someone, male, interested in you who will gladly be your friend and later boyfriend and later your husband.

It's been know to happen quite a bit, I'm told.

To the guys that agree with the topic title :

Do you think every gay man that is your friend/acts friendly only do so because they want to have sex with you? If not, what's the difference?

I think there's every type of people in the world, and all absolute statements are wrong (including this one! ...oh wait)

Agreed. Nothing is absolute. Everything is permitted.

As for gay guys they are awful. I am 30 and I will never have a gay friend. Gay guys make an instant assessment of you that goes like this “Is it faceable? If so can I pull it? If not does it have anything I can leach from (i.e. money, celebrity, power, influence)”. And yes you are an “it” to a gay guy. They are awful shallow, vein narcissistic self absorbed people and I am ashamed to be one.

The scenario you described could be nearly any 'player' type, of either gender or preference.

And I happen to think that gay men are often pretty much awesome.
They may look me up and down. That's fine. I will be their friends, and laugh and cry with them.
They are people, and often, damn fine people.
Will I sleep with them? Unlikely. But this doesn't mean I can't be close, or best friends with them. Plus, they are usually more fun then straight males; lets be honest here.

Guys, guys, theres one key to having fun at a party, the loss of speech and motor skills through the mass consumption of vodka (or jager if its a cool party)

I dont always go to parties...but when I do, I get wasted XD
its not an every day thing for me

Words to live by.

A lot of people tell me I'm hot/sexy, but guys treat me like **** cuz they think I'm a ****....just by the way I look. I don't even get a chance to show them who I really am. They don't give a **** about what I have to say. If I ever make ONE mistake...they just dump me (whether we were friends or dating)...and blame it all on me. Like I'm the EVIL EVE that gave them the forbidden fruit and cursed the whole human race..............

If you think they believe you to be a ****, why could that be?
Clothes?
Attitude?
Choice of phrase?

The world sees what we project.
The awful truth is if you project ****, then it is likely they will see... ****. .


AHahahahaha for necro-ism

 

[Mike_theLoneWolf]

Actually I've never been friends with girls that I found attractive mostly because I was more than attracted to them, so being friends with them would make it difficult to move on. That's not to say I don't have female friends, I do, in fact I prefer females friends to male ones.

 

[somber_radiance]

If you think they believe you to be a ****, why could that be?
Clothes?
Attitude?
Choice of phrase?

The world sees what we project.
The awful truth is if you project ****, then it is likely they will see... ****. .

I guess so. I keep thinking I'm a slutty person. And usually guys I meet don't see it...until I get really drunk and kiss some other guy in front of them. Then they never want to talk to me again. Curses....apparently social/happy drunk = flirty when you take a few more shots. So...yes I'm a very very flirty drunk. I think I need counselling, but I'm too embarrassed to go back to the counselling center. I cried for 1 hr the last time I went because I was going through a life crises and was super depressed.

 

[guld]

I'm not like that at all, for what it's worth. I've spent my life trying to be the good guy that women say they want, but I keep getting screwed over. It seems to me that most women just want the guys that are jerks, thinking that he'll finally stop being a jerk for her. In the meantime, I get overlooked for having something wrong with me for being decent.

I've been wondering for a while about this nice guy/jerk phenomenon. I honestly can't say whether I think it's true in the end, or if I think that it's just like... a common misconception. Sadly I think that it's quite universal to, generally, seek attention of those who seem the least intersted, if you yourself are intersted in them. Gives the impression that they have a lot of other options, which makes you feel even better if they do choose you. I'd guess that's a reason why jerks have that force of attraction, or seem to have it.

However, I'd say that in the long run, perhaps the women that continuosly choose those kinds of guys at the expense of a good guy, aren't really the women you'd like to have in your life, on a serious level...? I think a lot of women actually do prefer decent guys, or at least have no greater interest in douches than they have in good guys. I think that the important distinction is between being a decent guy, or someone who lets himself get taken advantage of (because that, in my own experince - insecurity (and not the same as shyness) - is a little bit of a turn off...).

How do you define yourself as a decent guy, if I may ask?
Edit: ok, noticed just now this was written quite a while ago.

 

[guld]

If you think they believe you to be a ****, why could that be?
Clothes?
Attitude?
Choice of phrase?

The world sees what we project.
The awful truth is if you project ****, then it is likely they will see... ****. .

I guess so. I keep thinking I'm a slutty person. And usually guys I meet don't see it...until I get really drunk and kiss some other guy in front of them. Then they never want to talk to me again. Curses....apparently social/happy drunk = flirty when you take a few more shots. So...yes I'm a very very flirty drunk. I think I need counselling, but I'm too embarrassed to go back to the counselling center. I cried for 1 hr the last time I went because I was going through a life crises and was super depressed.

I don't think you'd have to think very much of what they may/may not think of you. I guess they are there to help, and I'm sure they'd be happy if they could