Had my first date in 2 and a half years! Reaction - meh.

[Droopy]

What? I love all flavors in baskin robbins. How dare you.

Whattttaaa funny story mark Glad you had the chance to make sure nothing went negative. Have fun with your future dates!

 

[Droopy]

This bit caught my attention. That sounds very awkward. Maybe next time try and continue looking like you're still interested in the conversation, even if just to be polite.

Her talking about how she hates her mother on a first date would have been off-putting.

Yeah I agree. But if you're going to bring up your own baggage, you have to realize it's kind of wrong. It's a first date, even if they did exchange a billion messages.

 

[Droopy]

That's true, you do have more time to compose your thoughts online. But that kinda goes along with what I'm saying though - you could connect with the person when you talk online, but maybe being in person with them psychs you out a little and you don't have as easy of a time composing your thoughts. To me, that's not really a connecting-with-that-person problem, that's a connecting-with-anyone problem. I think it has less to do with a connection problem than a problem with thinking on one's feet, which is always harder than having time to think and strategize ahead of time.

Anyway. Didn't mean that as an argument, just the way I see it. I guess I feel like more people could connect and that it's not them that is the problem, it's the way they come across - sometimes without even meaning to, by making mistakes they wouldn't have made if they had more time to think.

Actually, I think you are a different person than IRL sometimes. As you have the chance to think a while before saying something. But yeah your point IS that the problem we have is to think on our feet. However that also means that we are different in reality, to how we pose via online communication. It's up to you to persevere in reality with making sure there isn't a night and day difference between both ways of communication.

 

[Droopy]

To be honest in my childhood and early teens, I was so fat that doctors thought I would more than likely be bedridden by my 20s. So I know people can lose weight, since I'm still here at nearly 30 and train in krav maga while holding a full time welding position. But I lost that weight because I cared about myself enough to not want to die early, amongst a myriad of other reasons. And really, I'm still pretty fat, but not by too much more than the average American.

With that said I appreciate all the replies. I still haven't figured out how to copy quotes on this board yet, but I'll answer as many questions as I can from memory.

The thing about the conversation lulling out and how it was awkward. Yes it was and that was when it was pretty clear it was time to head back to our cars. Once I could tell she wasn't feeling it anymore than I was, I gave her a few seconds to pitch another sentence my way, then I stood up and asked her if she was ready to head back. She said yeah and we went on our way. She wasn't upset at all. I was actually kind of relieved that I didn't have to risk being the bad guy and cutting her off.

I grew up in the era of dial up chatrooms and later AIM, where you could connect with your friends and strangers by text. I sunk hundreds, if not thousands of hours into conversations with people from all over the world, as well as kids I went to school with. It's not as critical as time spent face to face, guys. It's nice to exchange messages through text and internet but the only real way to know if there's a true connection is to see that person - in person. This wasn't my first rodeo with internet dating, and the story with last girl I dated was almost identical to this one. But that girl and I did see each other a second time and there was still no connection so the whole meeting was pretty awkward.

I would never enter a relationship with anybody where I would expect that person to change in order to keep me interested, and yes this includes losing weight. Now I know a lot of people like to think that being obese is a result of lifestyle choices and in a way that's true. However there's a big difference between someone being 25 pounds overweight and eating salads and running all summer to get rid of the winter weight, versus someone who's been obese all their life and needs to completely relearn many different elements of living to become healthy. I'm not going to tell myself, "I'll stick by this person and help them, and then when they meet my standards I'll be ready to fully commit because they have fixed themselves to my expectations." That's super messed up and degrading to both parties.

I didn't reject this girl just because she was big. We met, realized between the two of us there just wasn't enough of a connection to warrant a second date (even though I left that door open for her) and decided to part ways. We're both now free to find better matches. End of chapter.

About the instant-click connection idea. For friends, that's not necessary to feel. Good friendships can be built over time spent in close proximity. I've got old friends across the country that I have nothing in common with anymore but can still chat with occasionally because we grew up around each other. But that gets me to thinking, again, "What if I flew out and saw this person tomorrow? Do I really still know him/her?" Anyway, I don't expect love at first sight but there's got to be some physical tension, and there just wasn't any in this case. I've experienced love at first sight and it was scary, and didn't end well. So I've tempered myself to that notion a bit but still, for me to know I'm attracted to someone there has to be at least a little bit of that nervousness you get when you're around a crush.

Yeah, friendships are built over time. But when you're in the dating scene, click is a priority. First impressions matter and not letting them slide, meaning they have to be in your nature anyway. That's what dating is about; different to friends.

 

[LonelySutton]

I would never enter a relationship with anybody where I would expect that person to change in order to keep me interested, and yes this includes losing weight. Now I know a lot of people like to think that being obese is a result of lifestyle choices and in a way that's true. However there's a big difference between someone being 25 pounds overweight and eating salads and running all summer to get rid of the winter weight, versus someone who's been obese all their life and needs to completely relearn many different elements of living to become healthy.

I think you are sort of bringing a preconceived idea to it. I am about 50 lbs overweight and honestly, I use it in a few ways as a singleton. First, it is a test. Anyone who likes me fat, is going to get more from me. Well first I have to make sure they aren't weird but... if they aren't... they have my loyalty. Being 50 lbs over weight also assists me in keeping the absolute worst of the worst away from me. If only they could invent a fat suit. So when you are single it is helpful. I lost 50 lbs a few years ago and attracted the streight up worst problems. It was one of the worst times of my life. Plus as a single fat woman I spend at least 50% of my time running errands and making my own food. If I had a guy that contributed at all to assist I would have a ton of time on my hands. Not to mention joy and excitment of making a guy I like more excited and both of us getitng more pleasure from ***.

Plus there is always the surgery to have them lose weight.

The irony also, and this makes me laugh, is that so many guys, lured by thin girls marry a horrible thin girl who then plumps up like the hindenberg. HA!

Ok this time she wasn't right for you but when will guys wise up and realize that women won't go back to the corsets and diets to "attract a man". Not gonna happen. Maybe that is why homosexuality is gaining acceptance.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Being 50 lbs over weight also assists me in keeping the absolute worst of the worst away from me. If only they could invent a fat suit. So when you are single it is helpful.

Um, I'm sorry, but WTF?
Just because a guy might not date someone who is overweight does NOT automatically mean they are the worst of the worst.

Play your games if you want to, but don't generalize all men like that. It's ********.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This bit caught my attention. That sounds very awkward. Maybe next time try and continue looking like you're still interested in the conversation, even if just to be polite.

Her talking about how she hates her mother on a first date would have been off-putting.

Yeah I agree. But if you're going to bring up your own baggage, you have to realize it's kind of wrong. It's a first date, even if they did exchange a billion messages.

LOL...this reminded me of an awful first date I had once.
Guy takes me to a baseball game. It's not as hell (I loathe the heat) but I try to make the best of it. Right up until he goes for his third beer and tells me how he hates his father and wishes his mother had drank herself to death.
I excused myself to the ladies room and called a friend to come and get me.
Once I was safely away, I sent him a text explaining how uncomfortable he made me (and why) and asked him not to reply and not to contact me. Looking back it's a little amusing, but at the time, I was scared shitless.

 

[Lowlander]

Well .. I don't read a lot of forum posts these days, but when I do, they have to be good .... *sigh*

Anyway: Whether or not someone dates someone who is overweight has to do with preferences. I myself have no preference regarding weight in/on a person, so I would perhaps date someone overweight. However, I also know people who wouldn't date an overweight person. Does that make them bad people? No, it doesn't.

Please refrain from uttering such things in the future. People might take offense.

 

[Paraiyar]

Ok this time she wasn't right for you but when will guys wise up and realize that women won't go back to the corsets and diets to "attract a man". Not gonna happen. Maybe that is why homosexuality is gaining acceptance.

Aside from the fact that this is completely untrue when lots of women try to lose weight for this reason, even if it were, there are enough already-slim girls out there for it not to matter to me whether the not so slim ones choose to lose weight or not.

 

[beautiful loser]

The irony also, and this makes me laugh, is that so many guys, lured by thin girls marry a horrible thin girl who then plumps up like the hindenberg. HA!

Oh, the humanity! Get it?? I'll be leaving now.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Ok this time she wasn't right for you but when will guys wise up and realize that women won't go back to the corsets and diets to "attract a man". Not gonna happen. Maybe that is why homosexuality is gaining acceptance.

Aside from the fact that this is completely untrue when lots of women try to lose weight for this reason, even if it were, there are enough already-slim girls out there for it not to matter to me whether the not so slim ones choose to lose weight or not.

Not to mention the fact that just because a woman wears a corset doesn't mean she's trying to attract guys. I happen to LOVE corsets and I could give a **** less if a guy does or not.

But yeah, I know quite a few single women who are working on losing weight because they don't think they can attract a guy having extra weight.

My ex seems to love bigger girls and guess what....he's a ******* *******, so you're not even weeding out the "worst of the worst"

 

[Droopy]

This bit caught my attention. That sounds very awkward. Maybe next time try and continue looking like you're still interested in the conversation, even if just to be polite.

Her talking about how she hates her mother on a first date would have been off-putting.

Yeah I agree. But if you're going to bring up your own baggage, you have to realize it's kind of wrong. It's a first date, even if they did exchange a billion messages.

LOL...this reminded me of an awful first date I had once.
Guy takes me to a baseball game. It's not as hell (I loathe the heat) but I try to make the best of it. Right up until he goes for his third beer and tells me how he hates his father and wishes his mother had drank herself to death.
I excused myself to the ladies room and called a friend to come and get me.
Once I was safely away, I sent him a text explaining how uncomfortable he made me (and why) and asked him not to reply and not to contact me. Looking back it's a little amusing, but at the time, I was scared shitless.

Dear lord that's a horrible date xDDD Glad you got picked up xD

 

[Droopy]

Man.. I expected better. You're all lonely people. You should already know that liking or being more interested in an attractive person is natural. I wouldn't date someone that's overweight, am I an *******? You probably think I am, but I don't think so. Attraction plays a part in a relationship. It isn't the only factor, but there has to be some attraction. If you don't care about someone's looks, then by all means, enjoy looking at only that person's heart. But it doesn't mean other people are shallow if they aren't going to ask out someone who is overweight. Being overweight isn't always because of personal issues. 50% of the time it is, and the other 50% it's people being too lazy to take care of themselves.

It's why abbs are a sign of hard work and dedication; taking care of oneself. That goes for looking nice in general.








If you don't care about looks, enjoy that disgusting diseased pickle of a ****.


Jk, but I'm sure it's inappropriate anyway.

 

[ardour]

If you don't care about looks, enjoy that disgusting diseased pickle of a ****.

...wut

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

 

[BadGuy]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

ROFL

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

I don't know. I saw a pink, glittery one once.....

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

I don't know. I saw a pink, glittery one once.....

That clearly wasn't man made though

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

I don't know. I saw a pink, glittery one once.....

That clearly wasn't man made though

Hey now, you don't know who works in the factory, it could very well be a man.....making it man made

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Are cocks really a symbol of attraction to begin with? I can't personally say I've seen one and thought "I'm attracted to that"

I don't know. I saw a pink, glittery one once.....

That clearly wasn't man made though

Hey now, you don't know who works in the factory, it could very well be a man.....making it man made

But then I have to admit to being attracted to at least one man's ***** :club: