Had my first date tonight, unsure how I feel.

[Matt L]

A co-worker set me up with her daughter and I took her to a movie. She's very cute, nice and sweet. She's a lot like me in that we're both introverted, not good with people, we suffer from anxiety and we share similar interests. Since we're both anxious it was difficult to maintain a conversation with her. I get first dates are supposedly weird and awkward so maybe when we meet up again (we are next week) we'll both be more comfortable. 

I had a good time and I suppose she did too considering we're planning to meet again but I feel weird. I like that we have things in common and share similar struggles and whatnot but I want a girl who's the opposite of me. I want a girl that's active, energetic, open and playful. A girl that can take me to parties, concerts, break me out of my shell and make me feel alive. All the crushes I've had my entire life are girls like that but unfortunately those types of girls have no interest in a boring person like me. 

I guess I'm just being selfish and have trouble letting go of my fantasies. I'm thankful I finally got a date and I do like her. If anything if it doesn't work I'll at least have a new friend.

 

[DarkSelene]

You're not being selfish for having a preference and/or wanting a specific thing out of your SO, but there's hardly any harm in seeing where this goes, right?! I mean, you said it yourself that she's cute, sweet... maybe you'll learn that what you're looking for in girls is not really what you need, you know?

Anyways, good luck!

 

[TheSkaFish]

I want a girl that's active, energetic, open and playful. A girl that can take me to parties, concerts, break me out of my shell and make me feel alive. All the crushes I've had my entire life are girls like that but unfortunately those types of girls have no interest in a boring person like me. 

I have a similar problem.  I want someone who can show me interesting things, something more than the ordinary.  Like you said - someone energetic and playful who makes me feel alive.  I think the issue is, as the guy you are expected to be these things already, you are expected to be able to show them stuff too.  I don't think girls want to do all that breaking-someone-out-of-their-shell stuff.  I don't know for sure, but that's the way it seems to me.

Anyway.  Congrats on getting a first date.  I know it's an obvious statement, but it's nice to feel some success.

 

[Brennabean]

I agree with dark selene. Dating someone can nerve wracking, and falling for someone even more for sure. Feeling vulnerable is scary but it's totally worth it to share love with someone, and who knows maybe this girl has more to her than she is showing you so far. Hope it works out for you dude

 

[Tealeaf]

A big part of anxiety can be fearing judgment, so it often gets easier once people know they're with someone who's comfortable with and likes them.

That said, if you're really wanting to go lead a busier social life maybe you and this girl could try some new things together. Two introverts are a lot better at navigating than one.

I don't think introverts need extroverts to drag them out. If I want to go out to parties... that's on me to get myself to one, not on a boyfriend to force me to go.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't really understand why people put restraints on who they will date. Okay, hygiene and that kind of thing are a completely different story. But to say you won't be with this person or that person just because of their personality or looks (Again, some things are understandable) or how they dress (provided they are clean and neat) or hobbies or height or whatever is seriously limiting your chances to be happy.

None of that matters, attraction isn't always instant and sometimes what you need and who the love of your life is....well, it's not always what you think it is. Give others a chance, like you did, MattL and maybe you'll end up being surprised and happy.

Also, as Tealeaf said, it shouldn't be on others to get you out there, that's entirely you. Just go out, find your own excitement and don't wait for someone else to make you do it. That will just lead to resentment.

 

[ardour]

OP Do you genuinely like this person (not 'should I', just because you're similar in certain ways) and is there some attraction there also? If so, then you should probably see where it goes.You can't really compensate for "deficiencies" in your own personality via somone else. The type of women you mention really don't seem to like introverted men anyway.

 

[ShyNLonely]

Well. Think you are looking for a wrong reason.
I was, and I'm still in your place. But ... love doesn't choose. And being with someone just to feel alive is very wrong reason for relationship. Don't force love just to feel alive with someone.
And other side of that coin is; if you find someone with no experience with depression at all ... it will be very very hard for that person to truly understand you.
Trust me, been there, tried both. Decided to be alone.

 

[michael2]

Take the lead in helping both of you become more outgoing. Whats stopping you from being the one who organizes an evening at a concert for the two of you?

Most women want men to be the leader in a relationship. You can start learning to be that leader now. From your post, it sounds like your the type of guy who always asks his date "what do you want to do? Lets do whatever you want to do." Dont be that guy. A relationship should not be one sided. You are equals, so what you want to do should be every bit as important as what she wants to do. So its not really right to want a girl to lead you around and show you a good time or primarily do only things she likes. You have to show her a good time as well and do things you like too. Nothing wrong with saying from time to time, 'hey, lets to do this tonight'.

 

[Amelia]

Glad to hear that you got to meet someone nice.

Maybe she'll surprise you once you get to know her, and who knows you might find that you are drawn to her despite her not being your usual type. Or perhaps you guys can break out of your shells together by helping one another experience new things?

Good luck on your future dates! Hope it works out well

 

[user 139760]

Don't be so hard on yourself.
If you were so boring, no girl would have spent more than 2 hours with you.
Maybe they see something you don't.
But you know, that's just boring me talking ;-)

 

[TheLoadedDog]

I've never been on a date. I've been around,. I've been married, had a few dodgy relationships, but an actual date? Nope. It's one of those weird differences between North America and Australia. It seems a very American thing to me. Not against the idea, but it just doesn't happen here (or not to people of my generation, anyway). What happens is you just kind of fall in together. You might be out somewhere at a party, and then next thing you are in bed, and then you have a mortgage, and two point five children....

A formal date would scare me witless.

 

[ardour]

I've never been on a date.  I've been around,.  I've been married, had a few dodgy relationships, but an actual date?   Nope.  It's one of those weird differences between North America and Australia.  It seems a very American thing to me.  Not against the idea, but it just doesn't happen here (or not to people of my generation, anyway).  What happens is you just kind of fall in together.  You might be out somewhere at a party, and then next thing you are in bed, and then you have a mortgage, and two point five children....

A formal date would scare me witless.

well I'm in NZ, in this part of the world " date"includes any meeting up with someone in during the early, getting-to-know-you phase. (Surely you've had one of those.)

 

[TheLoadedDog]

I've certainly done that.

It's more the whole formal "We are going to go out to a restaurant as near strangers and basically size each other up for a lifetime together" stuff. That weirds me out.

 

[TheRealCallie]

"Strangers" aren't the only people who go on dates....

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Certainly, but you get my point though.