Have you ever experienced true loneliness?

[TheRealCallie]

I didn't say I did it consciously, now did I?  Do you seriously think when I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself that I was aware of what I was doing?  
It's called hindsight, perhaps someday you will be able to look back and see exactly what you were doing.  But for now, I guess you'll just continue to judge people you don't even know. 

 

[Seahorse]

Why don't we give Unix a break? I really don't think he was looking for an argument. If you look at loneliness as a feeling, then any one can feel lonely for any number of reasons. And just like any other feeling, there are degrees of that feeling.
Lets take me for example...I suffer from anxiety and I certainly don't like it when some one tells me I have nothing to be anxious about, but I can also recognise and be grateful that I have far less to feel anxious than many others. I think Unix was just looking for others in a similar situation to his.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why don't we give Unix a break? I really don't think he was looking for an argument. If you look at loneliness as a feeling, then any one can feel lonely for any number of reasons. And just like any other feeling, there are degrees of that feeling.
Lets take me for example...I suffer from anxiety and I certainly don't like it when some one tells me I have nothing to be anxious about, but I can also recognise and be grateful that I have far less to feel anxious than many others. I think Unix was just looking for others in a similar situation to his.

That's exactly my point though, it's not a competition.  It's not a matter of one person saying it's not TRUE loneliness if you have this or that.  When you are in a depressed, lonely state, you can't see what or how you are doing ****.  I suffered from anxiety and depression myself and if I were still those things I'm sure I would be saying something completely different.  Hell, I probably did say some of the same **** back when I was first here.  But it does not matter what you do or do not have, loneliness is loneliness whether you have family or not.  There is no TRUE loneliness, it's just loneliness.

 

[Seahorse]

Why don't we give Unix a break? I really don't think he was looking for an argument. If you look at loneliness as a feeling, then any one can feel lonely for any number of reasons. And just like any other feeling, there are degrees of that feeling.
Lets take me for example...I suffer from anxiety and I certainly don't like it when some one tells me I have nothing to be anxious about, but I can also recognise and be grateful that I have far less to feel anxious than many others. I think Unix was just looking for others in a similar situation to his.

That's exactly my point though, it's not a competition.  It's not a matter of one person saying it's not TRUE loneliness if you have this or that.  When you are in a depressed, lonely state, you can't see what or how you are doing ****.  I suffered from anxiety and depression myself and if I were still those things I'm sure I would be saying something completely different.  Hell, I probably did say some of the same **** back when I was first here.  But it does not matter what you do or do not have, loneliness is loneliness whether you have family or not.  There is no TRUE loneliness, it's just loneliness.

I don't think he was intending making it into a competition, and I do think its hard for some of us to understand why others feel lonely when they have some human interaction, especially if you have people who care about you or have your back during difficult times, but like I said, some people think I have nothing to be anxious about....which I use to help me have empathy for people who's type of loneliness I'm not familiar with. I can tell you, as you already know I felt the same way as Unix when I first came here. This is a crude analogy, but I sort of felt like how a very over weight person would feel when a bunch of skinny chicks complain about being fat

 

[Seahorse]

Also, as we have discussed before, unlike depression, anxiety etc, the word loneliness does have several definitions usually starting with the aspect of physical isolation, then additional definitions, so it is actually debatable, but not a debate im looking to get into.
I'm really just saying that I truly believe that OP meant no intentional offence to any one.

 

[Seahorse]

I think loneliness as well as many other issues discussed on here is a touchy subject. Its all very good and well to talk about not being judgemental, but can any one honestly say they haven't read posts on here and thought what the hell does that person have to complain about, or the opposite, to read a post that makes you almost feel ashamed of complaining about some of your own problems?

 

[user 139760]

Hm.
Didn't comment here yet.
Well, to answer the initial question and having not read anything here, yes. I have.
Do I think it's a bad thing? I wonder. I wonder if loneliness is the only constant on this world. Those who don't feel it are usually too busy to feel how lonely all of us actually, by default, always will be. I could have married a woman when I was 17, lived with her 70 years and died, I still would've died alone. In fact, I WILL die alone, regardless of how close to someone I could ever be. Doesn't make that us all lonely?
Maybe those who pick up on it, beyond whatever problems they have or convince themselves they have, are more perceptive than others. No wonder it leads to increases in depression, it's not an easy truth to live with, much like other truths.

So yes, I have. DO I think it's a bad thing? I wonder....

 

[kaetic]

Um, not so much no.  Because NO ONE can help you or be of use to you when you don't give a **** about anything or anyone.  LONELINESS can be true even when you have people are around you.  It doesn't matter if people care about you or not.  I can guarantee you that I was more lonely than you could possibly imagine, even though I had my kids with me every damn day and people kept trying to talk to me because IT DID NOT MATTER because I hated myself and wanted nothing except to wallow in my own misery.  I even lost a few friends because I pushed every damn person in my life away.  
Don't talk to me about TRUE loneliness because I know what it is.  Don't make claims if you have never walked in the shoes of someone who does have people in their lives.
I get it, you are lonely, most of the people here are, but don't put claims as to what TRUE loneliness is because that can NOT be determined.  TRUE loneliness is when you are lonely, not whether or not you have people in your life.

Then your situation was completely different because you have choosen loneliness, you had people in your life and you rejected them. This is a imposed loneliness that you have choosen to embrace. Not what i was talking about

Everyone's situation is different.
We all process our emotions in different ways. 
Just because a person has relationships doesn't mean they are good ones. I have family that lives down the street from me, I could be dead for all they care until I have something they want.
I've seen crap marriages where everytime they spoke to each other it was a fight, I would rather be alone.

Point is you don't know. Just like I don't know exactly how you feel. So we shouldn't assume we do, make judgements, or place labels that basically say "your feelings aren't legit because your situation doesn't fit mine"
I do have sympathy for you though, and I hope it gets better for you.

Also the reason why you get so upset is called envy.
You see something you want and you think someone else is taking it for granted, so of course you get upset.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Then your situation was completely different because you have choosen loneliness, you had people in your life and you rejected them. This is a imposed loneliness that you have choosen to embrace. Not what i was talking about

Everyone's situation is different.
We all process our emotions in different ways. 
Just because a person has relationships doesn't mean they are good ones. I have family that lives down the street from me, I could be dead for all they care until I have something they want.
I've seen crap marriages where everytime they spoke to each other it was a fight, I would rather be alone.

Point is you don't know. Just like I don't know exactly how you feel. So we shouldn't assume we do, make judgements, or place labels that basically say "your feelings aren't legit because your situation doesn't fit mine"
I do have sympathy for you though, and I hope it gets better for you.

Also the reason why you get so upset is called envy.
You see something you want and you think someone else is taking it for granted, so of course you get upset.

Thank you for this.

 

[MisterLonely]

I have seen similar "fights" like this a number of times now, It is ignorant to think that someone can't be lonely because they are married, have kids and friends. but imho it's equally ignorant to keep saying it's the same, I know people that complained about being lonely, like my grandmother.... She would complain about having no one since her husband died, and that the kids were all working... really?!

My mom was around every friday and most of the weekend to help out, my sister did groceries and stayed for coffee, I did aal kinds of odds and ends trying to fix things that were much easier and cheaper to replace, but who ever listens to the advice of a teen right?

Loneliness is subjective, if you are used to having 10 friends and suddenly 9 leave all at once, you could probably feel very lonely all of a sudden, but that one friend might still seem like a dream to someone else!

Stop trying to compare loneliness, but also stop trying to defend is please, because for all you know the other person IS far more lonely then you are, personally I'd love to just have 1 or 2 people around irl that I click with, I've come to the point where I think more than that would drain me too much

(P.S. I often see isolation/solitude linked with loneliness, although for a lot of people they go together as one, they most certainly don't have to be, loneliness is a feeling, and isolation/solitude can be a cause, and isn't exclusive in that)

 

[DarkSelene]

I met people here that have experienced loneliness in very different ways, equally sad and isolating, but still all different situations. I understand OP's point completely and I cannot say that I know how it feels, but it made me question something...

Doesn't it all feel like imposed loneliness at some point? That person who said for better or worse probably didn't think they'd feel so alone while being a part of two. Someone who embraces loneliness can still feel incredibly out of place in this world, hopeless for understanding. Someone that participates in family gatherings could never feel cared for or loved by those same family members that share their meals with them.

I know your point is about romantic situations and feeling undesirable is a huge precursor for a very deep type of loneliness, but true loneliness is the one that you feel and nothing more than that. Everyone else will always seem to be having an effortless ride because it's much easier to appreciate things that you don't have, and waaaay easier to criticize the ones you do. Truth is, we're pretty blind to everything that is right under our noses... and this is not to say that I think you're exaggerating or not trying hard enough, hell no, I just want to say that you're not that alone even if the loneliness you feel is a different kind.

 

[Unix]

I will reply adequately layer because I don't like writing on the phone, the only thing that I can say now is that you misunderstood my topic. I ain't trying to sort people, is just that it pains me to see how little importance is given to things that many (and I) crave for. And I'm probably envying, thus might be a good point

 

[Seahorse]

Unix, I don't think you said any thing wrong in your original post. You were just looking for others in a similar situation. The only thing i see is that you used the word true in front of loneliness to describe your situation and some people didn't like that.

 

[Seahorse]

There are so many scenarios of why some one feels lonely, and while not a competition, some cases do seem to be more severe than others, whether its the actual circumstances they are in or additional issues.
There are some people on here who have less loneliness for one reason or another, but none of those people come off as ungratedlful for the positive relationships in their life.

 

[Seahorse]

When I look at my own situation of severely lacking in person relationships of any kind, good bad or indifferent, my main FEELING about this is frustration more than lonliness, while some one else many have an entirely different scenario and their main feeling is loneliness.... Hope this helps Unix.

 

[user 139760]

Scenarios

Hehe, one of my personal things.

R.I.P. Robert Culp, aka "Uncle Bill".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Greatest_American_Hero

 

[Doggodemon1000]

From about 12 to 19 I experienced crippling loneliness when my best friend for about 5 or 6 years stopped talking to me. I don't know if you could really consider that true loneliness but at times after that until I met my friend from England I felt pretty suicidal.

Sometimes being a human sucks :/

 

[littlegyllenefjaril]

Isn't loneliness something that is not possible to give an answer to? something that isn't possible to describe because of the reason that for each human being it means something different? it's like love or the human itself. everyone is a totally different artpiece and not everyone is going to understand it the same way or not to mention at all.. it's like going to a museum and everyone looks at a piece but each one of us would feel different while looking at it.. the feeling isnt something concrete it's a part of us that remains silent and is e mirror of ourselves..

 

[Nicolelt]

I met people here that have experienced loneliness in very different ways, equally sad and isolating, but still all different situations. I understand OP's point completely and I cannot say that I know how it feels, but it made me question something...

Doesn't it all feel like imposed loneliness at some point? That person who said for better or worse probably didn't think they'd feel so alone while being a part of two. Someone who embraces loneliness can still feel incredibly out of place in this world, hopeless for understanding. Someone that participates in family gatherings could never feel cared for or loved by those same family members that share their meals with them.

I know your point is about romantic situations and feeling undesirable is a huge precursor for a very deep type of loneliness, but true loneliness is the one that you feel and nothing more than that. Everyone else will always seem to be having an effortless ride because it's much easier to appreciate things that you don't have, and waaaay easier to criticize the ones you do. Truth is, we're pretty blind to everything that is right under our noses... and this is not to say that I think you're exaggerating or not trying hard enough, hell no, I just want to say that you're not that alone even if the loneliness you feel is a different kind.

Completely agree with you. I actually posted something similar, but deleted it.

 

[wallflower79]

I just want to clarify, I do know how lucky I have it that I have people to interact with, and that they are probably not all out to get me, but I would like to point out that my believing that people are out to get me is not completely my fault. I do have a mental illness, and I am not able to shake off the feeling that others are out to get me and destroy my happiness and well being and it is not something that I can just "think away," because, believe me, I have tried. I am lucky I am able to get out of bed out of morning and take a shower and go to work, and frankly, I am lucky with my condition not to be homeless. I just read a news article recanting the life of a deceased homeless woman who had a similar mental ailment to mine. I think often what would happen if I became homeless, how lonely then I would feel, to be begging just to sustain my life and have people not even make eye contact with me and sleep alone on a concrete sidewalk like those I used to see every day as I walk past to work when I lived in the city. I know it's not logical, but it seems an insurmountable task for me to trust other people and believe that they do not want to hurt me. A person can be alone inside their mind, and there are pariahs that people consciously avoid talking to. I'm just saying.