Hello friends - I want to turn my social life around

[Social Knight]

Hello friends

I'm in my early 30s. I am a normal guy who had no friends in my 20s and it made me really low self-esteem and confidence. But now I feel confident and strong, just lack social life.

I was a quiet guy in high school and had bad breath. Yes bad breath that's why I stay quiet.

So short story in high school I always by myself and didn't have normal teenage upbringing. I had friends but I moved to a new school at 15 and the last 3 years of high school was REALLY boring.

And I failed university for 2 years. Zero friendship skills and confidence at university. Quit and work for 2 years then went back to finish a 2 years course. But in those 2 years I only met a cool chick friend but I lost touch with her because I was unemployed after graduation.

Now I'm working at a factory for the last 4 years and had a positive motivation to change my job and develop myself to change careers.

I joined a martial art club for less than 2 years and quit because I didn't develop DEEP connection with the members.

I spend 2~3 years doing loner things, such as playing video games, staying home and watch T.V Fri and Sat night.

I made a new friends online, hang out with him few times since last year but he's not a quality friend. Treat me bad some of the time.

To be honest, I just lacked social confidence and lack a good friend to show me around. That's why I was moody and have problem making friends.

So this is my journey to help myself to become a social person. And share story/tips on how I overcome my shyness and loner lifestyle.

I am pretty normal I guess just that I being a quiet loner for too long and have poor friendship skills.

 

[I'm Fine]

Hi. I think you have the right idea about joining clubs and things but why leave just because you haven't developed DEEP connections? It can be hard (and take time) to find someone that you have that kind of connection with. Most friends are of the lighter variety and yet still give you something even if you don't share all your deep dark secrets with them. Plus, of course, it'll give you practice with your friendship skills and maybe THEN you'll find someone that you can be really close friends with. Does that make sense?

 

[Social Knight]

Hi. I think you have the right idea about joining clubs and things but why leave just because you haven't developed DEEP connections? It can be hard (and take time) to find someone that you have that kind of connection with. Most friends are of the lighter variety and yet still give you something even if you don't share all your deep dark secrets with them. Plus, of course, it'll give you practice with your friendship skills and maybe THEN you'll find someone that you can be really close friends with. Does that make sense?

I quit the club because there was no DEEP connect at all.

Why would you waste time after almost 2 years ?

I then spend 2~3 years doing things to discover myself and I made slight imiprovement.

This is why I am here on the forum.

I'm don't have a mental disorder yet, because I still have family. Once I get much older I need to have some friendship skills otherwise I might become very bitter.

Hobbies for early 30s, maybe dancing class like ballroom ?

Interest for early 30s, maybe cooking class, hiking group, fitness groups.

 

[I'm Fine]

I quit the club because there was no DEEP connect at all.

Why would you waste time after almost 2 years ?

Yes, I got that. My question was why did there have to be a DEEP connection? That sort of thing is rare and hard to find. Maybe you could try getting some friends without the deep connection? Just people you enjoy hanging around with but don't share your deepest personal thoughts with. Just a thought.

Did I make it clearer that time? I'm sorry I'm not very good at expressing myself.

Also, did you not like the activity itself? Was there no value in it at all other than as an attempt to find friends?

Hobbies for early 30s, maybe dancing class like ballroom ?

Interest for early 30s, maybe cooking class, hiking group, fitness groups.

Yep, if those sound like things you'd like to do then why not? I hope it works. Good luck.

 

[Social Knight]

I quit the club because there was no DEEP connect at all.

Why would you waste time after almost 2 years ?

Yes, I got that. My question was why did there have to be a DEEP connection? That sort of thing is rare and hard to find. Maybe you could try getting some friends without the deep connection? Just people you enjoy hanging around with but don't share your deepest personal thoughts with. Just a thought.

Did I make it clearer that time? I'm sorry I'm not very good at expressing myself.

Also, did you not like the activity itself? Was there no value in it at all other than as an attempt to find friends?

Hobbies for early 30s, maybe dancing class like ballroom ?

Interest for early 30s, maybe cooking class, hiking group, fitness groups.

Yep, if those sound like things you'd like to do then why not? I hope it works. Good luck.

Social activities that will improve myself and life.

Because after 2 years in the martial art club, I don't really know any of them. And they don't invite me to do anything social, like hanging out at the movies or go eat dinner together on saturday nite.

We had fun at martial art club that's all we did, nothing social happened outside of the club.

I think most SA and shyness sufferer would be worse off in the long term, staying quiet in a group they are accepted. Staying quiet doesn't help at all for the long term.

It's like volunteering at something for 2 years but you never develop better social/friendship skills.

Thanks for replying. Later.

 

[I'm Fine]

You're welcome. I'm sorry I'm not much help to you. Good luck.

 

[beans]

Hello friends


I was a quiet guy in high school and had bad breath. Yes bad breath that's why I stay quiet.

Just wondered if you could do anything to make your breath better? Is it still he same now?

Now I'm working at a factory for the last 4 years and had a positive motivation to change my job and develop myself to change careers.

I just wanted to add that sometimes where you live and what kind of job you have really does make a great deal of change in your social life. Try to work in jobs where it's a people industry. Where you meet different people everyday. Avoid jobs where you only meet the same old people every other day.

And yes, I know what you mean about the martial arts club. For example, I joined a couple of meetup groups and one of them was a hiking group. Most times, they just hike, they don't really talk. I also find other groups are like "okay we're here to do this, but beyond all this activity, sorry, I'm not free or want to hang out with you."

 

[Groove]

Why not just stay at the martial arts club? Even just going there is better then sitting and doing nothing don't you think? You’re learning a skill. So what if you don't get a connection at least you’re using your time getting healthy. If you don't want to do martial arts then how about joining a gym? You could lift weights and do cardio. Come up with a good training routine and stick with it. You'll feel so much better.

I think to get the kind of reaction you want from people you will have to be the one asking people to go out. Start a conversation and try getting to know the person a little bit then ask for an email address or something. After that you can arrange something like going to a movie or just hanging out. Most people won’t pay attention to you if you are quiet.

Personally the reason I don't keep friends is because I have to put all the effort into the friendship and these people are really not worth making an effort for. I'd rather hang out on my own then chill with them but sometimes I do hang about with people I don't really like just to get out of the house. Finding true real friends in this life is hard. Maybe you could do some volunteer work? I think that crowd would be a lot different and maybe they might ask you to hang out with them.

 

[Groove]

Why not just stay at the martial arts club? Even just going there is better then sitting and doing nothing don't you think? You’re learning a skill. So what if you don't get a connection at least you’re using your time getting healthy. If you don't want to do martial arts then how about joining a gym? You could lift weights and do cardio. Come up with a good training routine and stick with it. You'll feel so much better.

I think to get the kind of reaction you want from people you will have to be the one asking people to go out. Start a conversation and try getting to know the person a little bit then ask for an email address or something. After that you can arrange something like going to a movie or just hanging out. Most people won’t pay attention to you if you are quiet.

Personally the reason I don't keep friends is because I have to put all the effort into the friendship and these people are really not worth making an effort for. I'd rather hang out on my own then chill with them but sometimes I do hang about with people I don't really like just to get out of the house. Finding true real friends in this life is hard. Maybe you could do some volunteer work? I think that crowd would be a lot different and maybe they might ask you to hang out with them.