Hello

[Luna_luce]

Hello, everyone.

I'm new here. My story goes something like this: few years ago I moved to a new city, where I enrolled a college. The college didn't interest me very much, but then I met a guy there and fell in love. We were together like 24 hrs a day and I put aside my friends and everything, and went to college only once a week - didn't meet aynone new there. Unfortunately or luckily , I broke up with this guy 2 years later , to find out that I'm - alone.
What followed were: depression, anxiety, insomnia...In the meantime, the spiral of my strange behaviour caused by some family issues continued  - I met another guy and enrolled another college...but now I had to fight with all these things including this other guy whom I also broke up with...and didn't make any new friends on this college either...When I read this, this sounds like some bad script for some comedy movie, but unfortunately it isn't...it's my life, this stupid spiral which just won't let me go...
The result of this spiral is that now that I attend this college, I feel very miserable...I've tried to make some friends there, but they just don't seem to accept me anymore... I have some acquaintances there, and I have few old "friends", but that gets down to very shallow relationships...And I feel lonely...every day more and more...I know I should break this circle somehow, but the problem is that in all those years I forgot how to make a real relationship...so every place I try on, I always end up having more acquaintances and no real friends. And somehow I always end up with wrong people.

I am seeing a therapist about this and working on myself, but he says it is a process...And in this process, I sometimes feel so damn lonely.

And what bothers me the most is that I seem to be throwing away my life because of some stupid coincidences that shaped it...wrong parents, wrong people because of it, more wrong people because of it....will this ever stop? I'm trying to fight, but the more I fight, the more I dive in.

 

[Luna_luce]

Ouuups, I didn't see there was a thread for new members....will moderators be so kind to transfer this topic there?

 

[realandtruelove]

Finding the right person takes time, having such experiences doesn't mean that you lose trust in yourself. we all passed through heart breaks, yes we feel lonely, and we need to encourage ourselves to pass difficult times.

 

[Luna_luce]

I know, but it's not the break-up anymore, or trying to get a new boyfriend...more like finding new friends...it's that this "difficult times" last now for 4 years already...and no matter what I do or how hard I try, I always somehow get caught in old patterns....And I'm a little tired of everything...so many wonderful things pass by me while I'm trying to get a grip of my mental state and messed life which is a result of  what? Bunch of coincidences I had no effect on....God has a weird sense of humor

 

[bjarne]

Luna_luce, welcome to aLonelyLife.com !

I hope that you will enjoy your stay here...

I moved the thread.

Bjarne

 

[Luna_luce]

Thank you, Bjarne

 

[realandtruelove]

I can understand you, and because of some break-ups I was going deep in depression and the idea that I will never find my soulmate or sweetheart controlled me. I turned to search for honest friends, it's not easy as well, and travelling made it a bit difficult for me, so you're not alone in this "Feeling tired of everything".

 

[Luna_luce]

I can understand you, and because of some break-ups I was going deep in depression and the idea that I will never find my soulmate or sweetheart controlled me. I turned to search for honest friends, it's not easy as well, and travelling made it a bit difficult for me, so you're not alone in this "Feeling tired of everything".

Nice to hear that How come you travel? My life circumstances also make it hard to make new friends -studying and sometimes working, so I don't have so much time to hang around with people either....

 

[joeynicdao]

It's hard to make friends in college because everyone's taking college at a different pace, there's the pressure to get to know people within a particular class and semester, and because you'll never really reach the point in college where you feel you know everyone like you would in high school.

Here are some tips to make friends at school:

-For each class, try to get at least one study buddy as that gives you two something to bond over.

-Usually each class has at least one group assignment, so try to take advantage of that opportunity to get to know your group and become reasonably close with them.

-Join any groups/clubs your school may have.

-Observation: For example, if you're in the cafeteria and see someone eating alone, you can offer to sit with them if they're not already waiting for someone or if you're at the library, you can ask someone about what they're reading or what they're studying to break the ice and make conversation.

-Attend school seminars/workshops because even if you're unsuccessful with making friends there, you still learn something that helps you.

As for what you're going through, I think you should focus on school because you've been rather quick to find a relationship and have even sacrafice so much to make it work. You will feel good about yourself for accomplishing in school. Sometimes if someone sees that you're at a low point, they will take advantage of that, especially if that person needs you more than you need them. Also, people will respect you more and admire you for knowing what you want out of life and for making the most of it.

 

[Luna_luce]

It's hard to make friends in college because everyone's taking college at a different pace, there's the pressure to get to know people within a particular class and semester, and because you'll never really reach the point in college where you feel you know everyone like you would in high school.

Here are some tips to make friends at school:

-For each class, try to get at least one study buddy as that gives you two something to bond over.

-Usually each class has at least one group assignment, so try to take advantage of that opportunity to get to know your group and become reasonably close with them.

-Join any groups/clubs your school may have.

-Observation: For example, if you're in the cafeteria and see someone eating alone, you can offer to sit with them if they're not already waiting for someone or if you're at the library, you can ask someone about what they're reading or what they're studying to break the ice and make conversation.

-Attend school seminars/workshops because even if you're unsuccessful with making friends there, you still learn something that helps you.

As for what you're going through, I think you should focus on school because you've been rather quick to find a relationship and have even sacrafice so much to make it work.  You will feel good about yourself for accomplishing in school.  Sometimes if someone sees that you're at a low point, they will take advantage of that, especially if that person needs you more than you need them.  Also, people will respect you more and admire you for knowing what you want out of life and for making the most of it.

Thanx for these advices, Joey...but I'm afraid I've tried some of those already and it didn't work...The problem is I don't have so much time to spend with these people, since I'm older and I somehow don't feel like I fit in....
As about the cafeteria, yes, that's the best advice, but I don't even have the courage to do that anymore...These people start to freak me out, so I look how to spend as less time with them as possible.

I focus on school alright, but it's hard if you're not surrounded by people who share your interest....

 

[keeper]

I can understand you, and because of some break-ups I was going deep in depression and the idea that I will never find my soulmate or sweetheart controlled me. I turned to search for honest friends, it's not easy as well, and travelling made it a bit difficult for me, so you're not alone in this "Feeling tired of everything".

I'm there too.. yet controlled by 'the idea that I will never find my soulmate'. Fortunately I've found some honest friends but lately I can't see them so often. I feel sometimes like I'm wasting my time.

 

[Luna_luce]

I can understand you, and because of some break-ups I was going deep in depression and the idea that I will never find my soulmate or sweetheart controlled me. I turned to search for honest friends, it's not easy as well, and travelling made it a bit difficult for me, so you're not alone in this "Feeling tired of everything".

I'm there too.. yet controlled by 'the idea that I will never find my soulmate'. Fortunately I've found some honest friends but lately I can't see them so often. I feel sometimes like I'm wasting my time.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but have you ever considered that maybe "soulmates" don't really exist?
I used to be in this state of "waiting for my soulmate" (ok, I maybe still am a little, but old habits are hard to change ), but because of this I didn't notice people around me. We are always waiting for "something bigger, better, more exciting" and in this process of waiting something that maybe doesn't even exist we miss little things around us which make life better: "ordinary people" which maybe are more interesting than this ideals we have in our heads...

Just a thought

 

[keeper]

A soulmate is defined as "someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility".
Well, yes, probably my soulmate doesn't exist or maybe I'm never going to meet her. Or maybe I'll meet her when it's too late. I'm well aware of this.
I've quoted that term originally used by realandtruelove only to define the ordinary person which could make me feel happy.

 

[realandtruelove]

Hi keeper

I see that term "soulmate" a hope, a dream; practically speaking the ideal person of our dreams doesn't exist, but some kind of a compromise of friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and compatibility (as you say) can make such a dream true. I don't know why we rarely see long-term love relations like those we heard about in the past. Maybe the technology, the channels around us that make it easy to think that we might find a better person easily, or the ideal person we see in our dreams, and so we give up a relation easily. Maybe because we're all running, our brain is busy, and there is no time for our soul. I don't know, sometimes I feel I want to jump out of the life track and take some rest, but then I see my loneliness.

 

[keeper]

Hi realantruelove,
I guess that's exactly what we both mean by using the term 'soulmate'.
As for long-term love relations, well I think that the main reason is the social change - which roughly means more work and less time for our soul, more independence and less steadiness, etc.
The result is we all keep ourselves busy everyday, putting off till tomorrow the things which would make our life better like finding a 'soulmate', to find ourselves lonely as soon as we jump out of the life track for a moment.