Mountain stomper
Member
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2014
- Messages
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I'm sure hoping this is an open minded bunch
I promise you all, I have a good heart..... just my thought processes are often somewhere out in left field. LOL
So I saw the post that asked, "Do you fear you will be alone forever" ?
Uh... well, it's almost more of an assurance, than a fear.
And here's the kicker, I actually know the 93 problems that cause this.... okay, maybe fewer, but BIGGER problems. We will get to that.
I'll be 50 years old in a couple months. I've had ADHD my whole life... so, before they even coined the term ADHD.
Also, OCD.... and yes, I do some of the stuff like check the door lock 5 X's, and still not sure, but for me it's more often where, I get something crazy stuck in my head, and I just throw the whole rest of my life out the window, putting ridiculous time and effort into that one thing. I've done it with fishing. Photography. And now, health and fitness. Needless to say, every time I've ever done this, I super excelled at that one thing.... while the whole rest of my life went on stand bye.
Ah.... my hand / eye coordination situation
Such a freaking HUGE source of frustration in my life. Ya' see, I was born STRONGLY left handed.... but my old school parents thought life would be easier if I were right handed, so they, with the help of my teachers, proceeded to completely whack out my hand eye coordination, by forcing me to use my right hand.
As a kid, I was tormented relentlessly for being dead last, out of how ever many hundreds of kids in the school played sports. Couldn't throw, kick, or hit a ball to save my life. To this day, competitive sports give me a sick feeling.
I absolutely could NEVER learn to use a smart phone, texting, tweeting, and all that BS.... Heck, after using a PC for like 18 years, I still one finger peck it... So yes, this post will probably take me an hour and a half ! Ridiculous, right ?
I can't write... only print... and it looks like a second grader wrote it.
I literally get stuck, and have to fight my way through it, every time I sign my own name.
I've had the same menial job for 18 yrs, and can never retire from it. It's truly a dead end, and I'm so worn into that trench, its almost impossible to see a way out. Yet completely beyond burnt out.
But now hold on for a second.... while all of this ^ is absolutely true...
by this point, you might find it surprising that I scored 151, on a legit 200 question IQ test a few years ago. I have 4 years of College, with a 3.8 GPA
I can strike up a great conversation with a stranger, and I think most times they walk away thinking, "Wow, he seemed like a cool guy that really has his **** together" Ha ! I sure fool em'
LOL If they only had an inkling of how eff'ed up I am !
But I mean, come on... what are you supposed to say, "Hey , how's it going ? My life is a psychological train wreck" How about you ? LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~
Looks. LOL Ya' know what's funny to me ? I give myself about a 4... maybe 5 on a good day, when smiling. Or 2 or 3, if I just got up for work. Yet, I don't consider looks to be anywhere near one of my biggest problems.
I think their are a whole bunch of guys out there, 6 X's as ugly as I am that still "Have a partner" ! So I guess that's not it.
But here's the truth of it; It's not that I look so downright ugly, but rather, I look meaner than ****, and scary ! Which is so eff'ing misleading.
And the ironic thing about this ^ is, I here so many people saying, "maybe if they could just lose some weight, and tone up a bit.....
Ha ! Yea'. Maybe them. Especially if they are a smaller guy, with a thin or average frame.
But me ? {this really could be a whole other novel, which I will probably post later} In a nutshell, 5 years ago, and for nearly all my life, I took zero care of myself, to the point that, at age 45, my health was a trainwreck... obese, severe IBS, Fibromyalgia, super high BP, cholesterol, etc, etc, etc....
And then one day in late Oct, 09, something clicked in my head, and my OCD took off with health and fitness. I've since lost 140 lbs of fat, and put on... I guess with my legs building lately, 50 lbs of lean muscle ? Anyway, I'm 6ft, 215@10% BF, + bald, and tattooed.
So you know that thing where they say, "You should feel good about yourself, and be proud of your accomplishments" ? Okay... sure I am.
Problem is, all of my new found health and fitness just makes a guy that "already stands out like a big bully, or an axe murderer" just 10 X's worse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, is all of the above not really insurmountable ?
Then let me go on, with my history of loneliness.
I have had two relationships. One for 4 years (that girl was a violent maniac.... but hot, with a nice body, and I was a stupid 18yo)
The other, I lived with for 7yrs. When she left me, I was devastated, as I KNEW I would be alone the rest of my life. Of course all of my parents, and friends told me what everybody tells everybody in these situations..... "Oh, you will find another girl.... their are plenty of fish.... and all that bull ****
But I knew better.
So here we are 18 VERY eff'ing LONG years later..... and so uh... when they were telling me all of that ^, how many decades did they mean to say this would take ? I mean, I hate to say it, but so far, it really kind of looks like they were all FOS.
The REAL truth why women are not interested in me, is because women, and men, are attracted to average people. People who blend well with the crowd. And totally NOT an oddball out in left field somewhere... like myself. Maybe a smaller, nicer looking, less intimidating guy.... and totally not a big ass scary gorilla.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhhh.... but here's the fun one > That wonderful little Herpes Simplex Virus 2. I've had it for 28 years. Hell, 20% of American's have it, more if you include type 1 {cold sores}
Which means, that a good number of members here have it too, whether they have talked about it or not. Heck, its possible to have it, and even spread it, while being completely asymptomatic.
But if you would please, I want you guys to all think about this carefully.....
Does everyone here not agree, that sex with your monogamous partner, should be fun, carefree, stress relief, and basically, just a 100% positive, love bonding thing ?
So ask yourself, how could this possibly happen, if one partner has HSV and the other does not ???
I'm sorry to say, but for myself, the answer is > it could not possibly happen, and I would not let it.
As far as I'm concerned, if my woman and I wanted to have an 8 hr sex marathon > without stinking condemns (which never have fit me worth a $#%$ anyway
) We should be able to > without a care, or concern in the world.
I totally would not care if a woman was "okay" with it.... that's BS. I'm not. End of story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So now let me ask you guys, how do you think this might turn out ?
Hypothetically, after 18 years of loneliness beyond belief, I meet this hawt blind girl
.... no, I'm sorry.... JK
I meet this hawt little woman, and I'm just like instantly sprung on her, and Holy $#!+ ! She actually acts like she's sprung on me too !
We have all of these things in common, she's fitter than I am (and I hope, much prettier
LOL)
It just looks like the match made in heaven.... but all the while, I know the odds of this going past that "talk" are only about 1 in 5. So it's pretty likely it will go like this:
Okay look, please do not try to tell me your okay with this, because that's not important to me. I have HSV, and if you do not, then I'm sorry to have wasted your time, because this can go no farther.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, I want you guys to think about what this ^ would do to a guy who's life hangs just to the right of center, as to whether its worth continuing on, or not ? To have something like this ^ in my hands, and be forced to just throw it away ?
I'm sorry guys, but I just don't think I have this in me
And therein lies the catch.....
I mean, you want me to get hit by an Amtrack ? Just let me get half way attached to a woman who does not have HSV......
Like I tell my friends all the time, I don't expect to be alive another 5 years anyway (in spite of my fitness) as my life hangs by a thread. If I lost my job (the menial job I've done for 18 yrs, and couldn't do much else, if I tried) If I got any kind of hard-core cancer.... Don't worry Doc. I have a cure for that. Prison, ha ! Like I'm not lonely enough already ?
In a nutshell, I still have a few pretty good days, taking fantastic photos, stomping up mountains, working out, etc.....
However I just feel like I'll eventually end up having 1 really bad day, followed by no more loneliness, no more worries, no more nothing. Forever. And I really don't think that will be such a bad thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~
One more thing; Somebody will probably mention HSV dating sites.
Okay, I tried one of the biggest on the net + I live right in the most populated part of Nor Cal...... and I found NO active members in my area that would work for me (in fact, none in my area period... okay, a couple guys, but I'm straight) . Heck, even spreading out to the whole ef'ing country, I only had one or two women I PM'ed with... and neither one of them said anything like they wish they were here or anything really exciting. Just nice women, being nice.
Then too, remember I can't text, or tweet, or do any of the smart phone stuff.... so that just keeps me all the more socially disconnected.
So this ^ my new friends, is why I believe I will be single for another handful of years, until it's all over.
So I saw the post that asked, "Do you fear you will be alone forever" ?
Uh... well, it's almost more of an assurance, than a fear.
And here's the kicker, I actually know the 93 problems that cause this.... okay, maybe fewer, but BIGGER problems. We will get to that.
I'll be 50 years old in a couple months. I've had ADHD my whole life... so, before they even coined the term ADHD.
Also, OCD.... and yes, I do some of the stuff like check the door lock 5 X's, and still not sure, but for me it's more often where, I get something crazy stuck in my head, and I just throw the whole rest of my life out the window, putting ridiculous time and effort into that one thing. I've done it with fishing. Photography. And now, health and fitness. Needless to say, every time I've ever done this, I super excelled at that one thing.... while the whole rest of my life went on stand bye.
Ah.... my hand / eye coordination situation
As a kid, I was tormented relentlessly for being dead last, out of how ever many hundreds of kids in the school played sports. Couldn't throw, kick, or hit a ball to save my life. To this day, competitive sports give me a sick feeling.
I absolutely could NEVER learn to use a smart phone, texting, tweeting, and all that BS.... Heck, after using a PC for like 18 years, I still one finger peck it... So yes, this post will probably take me an hour and a half ! Ridiculous, right ?
I can't write... only print... and it looks like a second grader wrote it.
I literally get stuck, and have to fight my way through it, every time I sign my own name.
I've had the same menial job for 18 yrs, and can never retire from it. It's truly a dead end, and I'm so worn into that trench, its almost impossible to see a way out. Yet completely beyond burnt out.
But now hold on for a second.... while all of this ^ is absolutely true...
by this point, you might find it surprising that I scored 151, on a legit 200 question IQ test a few years ago. I have 4 years of College, with a 3.8 GPA
I can strike up a great conversation with a stranger, and I think most times they walk away thinking, "Wow, he seemed like a cool guy that really has his **** together" Ha ! I sure fool em'
But I mean, come on... what are you supposed to say, "Hey , how's it going ? My life is a psychological train wreck" How about you ? LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~
Looks. LOL Ya' know what's funny to me ? I give myself about a 4... maybe 5 on a good day, when smiling. Or 2 or 3, if I just got up for work. Yet, I don't consider looks to be anywhere near one of my biggest problems.
I think their are a whole bunch of guys out there, 6 X's as ugly as I am that still "Have a partner" ! So I guess that's not it.
But here's the truth of it; It's not that I look so downright ugly, but rather, I look meaner than ****, and scary ! Which is so eff'ing misleading.
And the ironic thing about this ^ is, I here so many people saying, "maybe if they could just lose some weight, and tone up a bit.....
Ha ! Yea'. Maybe them. Especially if they are a smaller guy, with a thin or average frame.
But me ? {this really could be a whole other novel, which I will probably post later} In a nutshell, 5 years ago, and for nearly all my life, I took zero care of myself, to the point that, at age 45, my health was a trainwreck... obese, severe IBS, Fibromyalgia, super high BP, cholesterol, etc, etc, etc....
And then one day in late Oct, 09, something clicked in my head, and my OCD took off with health and fitness. I've since lost 140 lbs of fat, and put on... I guess with my legs building lately, 50 lbs of lean muscle ? Anyway, I'm 6ft, 215@10% BF, + bald, and tattooed.
So you know that thing where they say, "You should feel good about yourself, and be proud of your accomplishments" ? Okay... sure I am.
Problem is, all of my new found health and fitness just makes a guy that "already stands out like a big bully, or an axe murderer" just 10 X's worse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, is all of the above not really insurmountable ?
Then let me go on, with my history of loneliness.
I have had two relationships. One for 4 years (that girl was a violent maniac.... but hot, with a nice body, and I was a stupid 18yo)
The other, I lived with for 7yrs. When she left me, I was devastated, as I KNEW I would be alone the rest of my life. Of course all of my parents, and friends told me what everybody tells everybody in these situations..... "Oh, you will find another girl.... their are plenty of fish.... and all that bull ****
But I knew better.
So here we are 18 VERY eff'ing LONG years later..... and so uh... when they were telling me all of that ^, how many decades did they mean to say this would take ? I mean, I hate to say it, but so far, it really kind of looks like they were all FOS.
The REAL truth why women are not interested in me, is because women, and men, are attracted to average people. People who blend well with the crowd. And totally NOT an oddball out in left field somewhere... like myself. Maybe a smaller, nicer looking, less intimidating guy.... and totally not a big ass scary gorilla.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhhh.... but here's the fun one > That wonderful little Herpes Simplex Virus 2. I've had it for 28 years. Hell, 20% of American's have it, more if you include type 1 {cold sores}
Which means, that a good number of members here have it too, whether they have talked about it or not. Heck, its possible to have it, and even spread it, while being completely asymptomatic.
But if you would please, I want you guys to all think about this carefully.....
Does everyone here not agree, that sex with your monogamous partner, should be fun, carefree, stress relief, and basically, just a 100% positive, love bonding thing ?
So ask yourself, how could this possibly happen, if one partner has HSV and the other does not ???
I'm sorry to say, but for myself, the answer is > it could not possibly happen, and I would not let it.
As far as I'm concerned, if my woman and I wanted to have an 8 hr sex marathon > without stinking condemns (which never have fit me worth a $#%$ anyway
I totally would not care if a woman was "okay" with it.... that's BS. I'm not. End of story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So now let me ask you guys, how do you think this might turn out ?
Hypothetically, after 18 years of loneliness beyond belief, I meet this hawt blind girl
I meet this hawt little woman, and I'm just like instantly sprung on her, and Holy $#!+ ! She actually acts like she's sprung on me too !
We have all of these things in common, she's fitter than I am (and I hope, much prettier
It just looks like the match made in heaven.... but all the while, I know the odds of this going past that "talk" are only about 1 in 5. So it's pretty likely it will go like this:
Okay look, please do not try to tell me your okay with this, because that's not important to me. I have HSV, and if you do not, then I'm sorry to have wasted your time, because this can go no farther.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, I want you guys to think about what this ^ would do to a guy who's life hangs just to the right of center, as to whether its worth continuing on, or not ? To have something like this ^ in my hands, and be forced to just throw it away ?
I'm sorry guys, but I just don't think I have this in me
And therein lies the catch.....
I mean, you want me to get hit by an Amtrack ? Just let me get half way attached to a woman who does not have HSV......
Like I tell my friends all the time, I don't expect to be alive another 5 years anyway (in spite of my fitness) as my life hangs by a thread. If I lost my job (the menial job I've done for 18 yrs, and couldn't do much else, if I tried) If I got any kind of hard-core cancer.... Don't worry Doc. I have a cure for that. Prison, ha ! Like I'm not lonely enough already ?
In a nutshell, I still have a few pretty good days, taking fantastic photos, stomping up mountains, working out, etc.....
However I just feel like I'll eventually end up having 1 really bad day, followed by no more loneliness, no more worries, no more nothing. Forever. And I really don't think that will be such a bad thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~
One more thing; Somebody will probably mention HSV dating sites.
Okay, I tried one of the biggest on the net + I live right in the most populated part of Nor Cal...... and I found NO active members in my area that would work for me (in fact, none in my area period... okay, a couple guys, but I'm straight) . Heck, even spreading out to the whole ef'ing country, I only had one or two women I PM'ed with... and neither one of them said anything like they wish they were here or anything really exciting. Just nice women, being nice.
Then too, remember I can't text, or tweet, or do any of the smart phone stuff.... so that just keeps me all the more socially disconnected.
So this ^ my new friends, is why I believe I will be single for another handful of years, until it's all over.