Hi Everyone,
I'm Carmen, I've been reading the forums for a while, but didn't have a lot of courage to post until now. First, I'm really grateful for this place and for the community - it has been a valuable source of comfort for me. So, thank you all! I hope that by participating in the forums, I will be able to give some comfort in return.
Here is my story, as shortly as possible:
I'm visually impaired, so I've never been good at being social. I've been lonely for my entire life and never had anyone who even came close to a true friend. There was never anyone there for me when I needed comfort... I don't even know how it feels to truly open up to someone. I had a relationship in high school... gosh.. more than 10 years ago... but it was not one to call "love".
I used to be shy and simple. All my life I loved learning. I finished my studies in my late 20s (I am now almost 31 and I can't believe it...) I learned a lot, but apparently too little... from too many fields. So, I'm one of those people who don't know what their passions are and what they're supposed to do with their life.
After graduating from university, I spent almost 2 years at home, in front of my computer, trying to find a job... any job that would make me feel useful. That was 8 years ago. Since then, I got really used to technology -which helped me find a job I didn't love. So I quit it, then freelanced for almost 5 years. I got an MA in the meantime, but it did not turn out to be a good choice. And all this time I've been alone. Completely alone. Unable to make friends or even have someone to go out with once in a while and not feel like I'm doing it just because I need to get out of my house. I have been working from home, so I don't interact with anyone else other than my family. I tried volunteering - I"ve always seemed awkward and unsociable to people, so it never worked. I travelled a bit, but mostly by myself, for the sake of knowledge and change. Tried finding someone to open up to... that someone never came. It hurts to say it, but there is an education gap.between me and my family, so they never knew how to listen to and understand me. So they are not an option.
I am too attached to my family... they're everything I've ever had; I need to get away and try a new life, so I was thinking of moving away some place where I could start over, but life strikes again and I'm left with no source of income. And above all... my health is deteriorating. After years of sitting at a desk and having a bad body posture because of my eyesight, I've herniated a vertebral disc and I'm dealing with serious pain. It's getting harder and harder to walk, sleep and use a computer (which is essential for my chances of working and earning an income). I might get better, but in the long run, the condition requires an adapted lifestyle and can mean that I have to learn how to cope with constant pain. I don't have a definitive diagnosis yet, but I'm still hoping for the best... I deal with a lot of inner pain, I don't want physical pain too.
I made a lot of progress when it comes to managing my dormant depression and my inner self overall. I was somehow starting to become more positive and accept my loneliness so I could try to somehow make a difference and contribute. I was making plans for the future. Now my back pain is making me reconsider things.
I struggle to keep myself together, for the sake of my family. I still hope that I will be able to have a life, despite the loneliness and the spine issues, but sometimes I'm skeptical. My life was never meaningful; and when I was trying to change that, it all came crumbling down...
I wonder what future there is for me. In the meantime, I hope to help around here.
Thank you for being here and for reading!
Best wishes to you all! And lots of hugs... I wish we'd all have the real ones.
I'm Carmen, I've been reading the forums for a while, but didn't have a lot of courage to post until now. First, I'm really grateful for this place and for the community - it has been a valuable source of comfort for me. So, thank you all! I hope that by participating in the forums, I will be able to give some comfort in return.
Here is my story, as shortly as possible:
I'm visually impaired, so I've never been good at being social. I've been lonely for my entire life and never had anyone who even came close to a true friend. There was never anyone there for me when I needed comfort... I don't even know how it feels to truly open up to someone. I had a relationship in high school... gosh.. more than 10 years ago... but it was not one to call "love".
I used to be shy and simple. All my life I loved learning. I finished my studies in my late 20s (I am now almost 31 and I can't believe it...) I learned a lot, but apparently too little... from too many fields. So, I'm one of those people who don't know what their passions are and what they're supposed to do with their life.
After graduating from university, I spent almost 2 years at home, in front of my computer, trying to find a job... any job that would make me feel useful. That was 8 years ago. Since then, I got really used to technology -which helped me find a job I didn't love. So I quit it, then freelanced for almost 5 years. I got an MA in the meantime, but it did not turn out to be a good choice. And all this time I've been alone. Completely alone. Unable to make friends or even have someone to go out with once in a while and not feel like I'm doing it just because I need to get out of my house. I have been working from home, so I don't interact with anyone else other than my family. I tried volunteering - I"ve always seemed awkward and unsociable to people, so it never worked. I travelled a bit, but mostly by myself, for the sake of knowledge and change. Tried finding someone to open up to... that someone never came. It hurts to say it, but there is an education gap.between me and my family, so they never knew how to listen to and understand me. So they are not an option.
I am too attached to my family... they're everything I've ever had; I need to get away and try a new life, so I was thinking of moving away some place where I could start over, but life strikes again and I'm left with no source of income. And above all... my health is deteriorating. After years of sitting at a desk and having a bad body posture because of my eyesight, I've herniated a vertebral disc and I'm dealing with serious pain. It's getting harder and harder to walk, sleep and use a computer (which is essential for my chances of working and earning an income). I might get better, but in the long run, the condition requires an adapted lifestyle and can mean that I have to learn how to cope with constant pain. I don't have a definitive diagnosis yet, but I'm still hoping for the best... I deal with a lot of inner pain, I don't want physical pain too.
I made a lot of progress when it comes to managing my dormant depression and my inner self overall. I was somehow starting to become more positive and accept my loneliness so I could try to somehow make a difference and contribute. I was making plans for the future. Now my back pain is making me reconsider things.
I struggle to keep myself together, for the sake of my family. I still hope that I will be able to have a life, despite the loneliness and the spine issues, but sometimes I'm skeptical. My life was never meaningful; and when I was trying to change that, it all came crumbling down...
I wonder what future there is for me. In the meantime, I hope to help around here.
Thank you for being here and for reading!
Best wishes to you all! And lots of hugs... I wish we'd all have the real ones.
Keep up good spirits and good luck.
