Hiding Behind a Diagnosis

[ladyforsaken]

Are you serious? Or are you really trying to test my patience?

 

[painter's radio]

No, if you don't have legs then positive thinking wont help you get up and run the London marathon. But yes, some people get diagnosed with something and it can be like admiting defeat, bowing down to it, limiting your life because of it. In some cases, getting the diagnosis can mean knowing the right steps to take and the help available in order to fight it or at least take care of yourself better. In other cases, it's counter-productive and self-defeating.
If you fall into the former category, try not to be offended by thoughts such as these. It's not hard to see the difference.

 

[PieBeNice]

Are you serious? Or are you really trying to test my patience?

I don't understand?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Like I said, forget it. Nevermind. End of discussion.

 

[Tealeaf]

I think it would be helpful to keep in mind the number of famous, recognized, and successful people who do have mental or personality disorders of some variety and who are just plain weird. A diagnosis isn't a death sentence, even though some people (both those who have them and those who don't) have such a mentality.

 

[Nicolelt]

Going back to LadyF's original post, I do think in some cases, people do hide behind their diagnosis. They let that part of them define them. For instance people say I am (insert disorder), when they should say, I have (insert disorder).

An example in my own life is ADHD. Now, I know lots of people have it, and there is a large spectrum of it, but I have ADHD. It doesn't define me at all. I just have days where I need to dance for 4 hours straight because I can't focus and are way too hyper. I have had students tell me in my classes that they cannot not do an assignment because they are ADD, or ADHD. I always tell them, yes you can, do you know someone who has ADHD and had to write this lesson!?!?!? Or had to focus to teach it?!?! Yep, me!

I think it would be helpful to keep in mind the number of famous, recognized, and successful people who do have mental or personality disorders of some variety and who are just plain weird. A diagnosis isn't a death sentence, even though some people (both those who have them and those who don't) have such a mentality.

And that ^^^^ I could not say better myself.

 

[Doc]

I think that sometimes people let their diagnosis define them too much...
I remember I did just that.
I remember when I slashed up a couch out of frustration and fury and when questioned why I replied with "I have depression and I'm bipolar it's not like I can control it!!"

Obviously this is a rather extreme case and I was very young and immature but still.. I feel my point stands

I've struggled (and am still struggling) with depression and anxiety and aspergers or whatever they want to tell me I have, but I feel it's important to be self-aware. Know your diagnosis, you're problems, your troubles, but don't let it define you as a person.

I agree with the lady, to an extent. Some people do hide behind it, use it as a sort of "crutch", and they say "that's just how I am"

But I also believe that a diagnosis (or at least most) do have a relevancy. If someone is depressed they can't just be happy. But they can do things to make themselves have a better chance at becoming happy.

 

[Cavey]

There are definitely people who let their diagnoses limit them or use them as an excuse for not trying. Equally, there are others for whom it's a eureka moment that helps them to understand and move forward with their lives. It depends on the person.

Can we really not have a conversation around here without someone taking offence as soon as their opinion differs? I really don't think Lady F was intending to belittle the problems of others.

 

[Ymir]

Again, ladyf, mental health issues aren't as easily controlable as you'd think. They are still health issues people do not choose to have and sometimes have zero control over, much like any other health issue. PieBeNice is being a troll but I do agree with him when he criticized your statement about depression and anxiety being issues people can have control over. Mental health issues aren't "easier" to control and get rid of. In that aspect, they are like any other health issue: some mild cases can be controlled and managed, others cannot, and both are actual things that happen. Nicole has ADHD and is able to teach, another person with ADHD might not even be able to finish high school and it happens. The another person isn't hiding just because their problem is more severe than Nicole's.

Your mistake is to assume that just because some people hide behind their diagnoses, then getting one is harmful to ill people. Nope. And just because some people can get out of their bad situation, the people who can't just aren't trying hard enough. Nope. Or that severe cases can be more easily manageable with a positive outlook. Nope.

This kind of stigma against mental health issues is so just so harmful you have no idea. I suggest you to revise your beliefs about mental illnesses, because it is this kind of thinking that discredits people with severe issues and stops them from getting proper help because, apparently, they aren't trying or don't have a positive outlook.

If you are ill, mentally or physically, it is okay to say "I can't do this, I need help". What is not okay: "I can't do this, and I won't even bother to get some help and I will expect people to cater to my every need even though I could do something about it".

And I'm sorry to hear about your situation I'm cheering for you.

 

[PieBeNice]

Nicole has ADHD and is able to teach,

She only teaches pseudeoscience though.

This kind of stigma against mental health issues is so just so harmful you have no idea. I suggest you to revise your beliefs about mental illnesses, because it is this kind of thinking that discredits people with severe issues and stops them from getting proper help because, apparently, they aren't trying or don't have a positive outlook.

This is right.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Again, ladyf, mental health issues aren't as easily controlable as you'd think. They are still health issues people do not choose to have and sometimes have zero control over, much like any other health issue. PieBeNice is being a troll but I do agree with him when he criticized your statement about depression and anxiety being issues people can have control over. Mental health issues aren't "easier" to control and get rid of. In that aspect, they are like any other health issue: some mild cases can be controlled and managed, others cannot, and both are actual things that happen. Nicole has ADHD and is able to teach, another person with ADHD might not even be able to finish high school and it happens. The another person isn't hiding just because their problem is more severe than Nicole's.

Your mistake is to assume that just because some people hide behind their diagnoses, then getting one is harmful to ill people. Nope. And just because some people can get out of their bad situation, the people who can't just aren't trying hard enough. Nope. Or that severe cases can be more easily manageable with a positive outlook. Nope.

This kind of stigma against mental health issues is so just so harmful you have no idea. I suggest you to revise your beliefs about mental illnesses, because it is this kind of thinking that discredits people with severe issues and stops them from getting proper help because, apparently, they aren't trying or don't have a positive outlook.

If you are ill, mentally or physically, it is okay to say "I can't do this, I need help". What is not okay: "I can't do this, and I won't even bother to get some help and I will expect people to cater to my every need even though I could do something about it".

And I'm sorry to hear about your situation I'm cheering for you.

I think you've misunderstood the whole point of this thread I started. I did not assume anything about people with mental disorders or any other issues in that line. Let's look at what I wrote in my original post.

I wonder though, do people tend to feel like they can't do it once they get diagnosed thinking "oh damn I have a problem, it means life is limited for me, I can't do it"? In a way, it's like they're hiding behind their diagnosis and using it to determine their fate in life.. which can probably contribute to it but I always believe people can break out of it and take control.

What if, they didn't know there was some official diagnosis of their problems, and they don't think that there is anything "wrong" with them, would it actually help them to have a more positive thinking and be more hopeful at least?

I don't mean to offend anyone here, I'm just wondering really. I was at a really low point in life once and I was heavily messed up.. if I can break out of it.. I don't see why other people can't, and let their lives just stay in that same pool of negativity. It just saddens me sometimes. :\

I used a lot of "I'm wondering" - because I am just wondering about if people do tend to do what I said above, which is to hide behind their diagnosis and use it as an excuse. Is it more likely to happen once they get diagnosed? Or does it help them instead. In the replies that came after mentioned of how some of the members here find it useful to be diagnosed and say that there are cases where people actually use it to determine their so called fate. And then they stop working for it.

And I said "I believe" people can take control. Believing and knowing are 2 different things. I believe, I have faith that someone can overcome an obstacle, it doesn't have to be by themselves alone, it can be with help and they should ask for help if or when necessary, which I did myself when I was very low and depressed at one point of my life. I had to seek help and I didn't come out of it alone, it couldn't work, I was too warped in that mindset and in that state - so yes I very much so understand and know and believe what the effects and the sate of mental illnesses are like. I know what it can do to you, I've been through it myself. I've observed it myself on others too.

There is no stigma stated in my posts. In no part of my post did I say that I think people are not trying hard enough. I'm saying, I believe they can make it but also depending on the severity of their issue (as I mentioned in a previous post quoted below). Sometimes it never goes away, but I also believe one can find or try to find ways to work around it or deal with their lives in such a way that it's less difficult or at least tolerable. But again, sometimes, this is hard to do because the individual just has a hard time even comprehending the consequences and cannot see the whole picture on his/her own.

I understand your post very well. It's just not what I was trying to say in my original post.

Thank you, though, for your reply and for your support in my situation. I appreciate it.

Actually, I didn't mean physical limitations or health related issues that you have no control over. I meant things like depression or anxiety, things that you can have control over I believe, over time and effort of working on it. Some people may take longer than others or it may not ever go away depending on the severity of the issues.

 

[Ymir]

Okay, I understand you better now

Though it would probably help if you edited the original post to include that you were talking about mental health and personality disorders.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Okay, I understand you better now

Though it would probably help if you edited the original post to include that you were talking about mental health and personality disorders.

Ah yes, good point, didn't think of that. Thanks.

 

[Doc]

I don't understand the problem with her previous post. It seemed pretty obvious it was all ponders and opinion. Seems like some were just ready to burst their head through the wall and go "I'm offended/disagree!"

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't understand the problem with her previous post. It seemed pretty obvious it was all ponders and opinion. Seems like some were just ready to burst their head through the wall and go "I'm offended/disagree!"

It's okay Doc, I understand the nature of this forum and sometimes we don't put our thoughts across well (my original post) and others misunderstand. It's fine, it's cleared out.

 

[Ymir]

"It's just my opinion" only goes so far. There are ****** and harmful opinions. My mother's opinion once was that my problem wasn't that bad and I was being negative and she put gluten in my food without me knowing to prove that I was just being "afraid of eating gluten". I got very ill that day. *shudders*

Ladyf is a sensible person, and I jumped on the gun a bit, but I don't see why criticizing opinions in itself is bad.

 

[Batman55]

The only thing I want to say here is related to discussion of one's problems online--it has happened once or twice before that I have talked about some of my issues related to certain diagnoses, and had all of it spit back in my face by someone claiming I was mentioning these disorders for "pity" or to gain favors from people. That is NOT what I am about. If I talk about diagnoses or disorders, it is to explain to others why I have a difficulty with something, or to discuss things I have in common with others who have the same problem.

What was more offensive was the accuser(s) used the fact that I talked about "more than one" issue as evidence for fabrication--this kind of thinking is simply idiotic, or at least the thoughts of someone who knows NOTHING about mental disorders and wants to remain willfully ignorant.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. If you have one issue, chances are you have another (it is called comorbid.) The chances of having anxiety problems with Asperger's, for example, are so high you basically can expect the two to occur together.

 

[ladyforsaken]

"It's just my opinion" only goes so far. There are ****** and harmful opinions. My mother's opinion once was that my problem wasn't that bad and I was being negative and she put gluten in my food without me knowing to prove that I was just being "afraid of eating gluten". I got very ill that day. *shudders*

Damn.. that's just cruel, that's not even called an opinion but just the lack of care and concern. Aw man, hope it doesn't happen again to you Ymir. :\

The only thing I want to say here is related to discussion of one's problems online--it has happened once or twice before that I have talked about some of my issues related to certain diagnoses, and had all of it spit back in my face by someone claiming I was mentioning these disorders for "pity" or to gain favors from people. That is NOT what I am about. If I talk about diagnoses or disorders, it is to explain to others why I have a difficulty with something, or to discuss things I have in common with others who have the same problem.

What was more offensive was the accuser(s) used the fact that I talked about "more than one" issue as evidence for fabrication--this kind of thinking is simply idiotic, or at least the thoughts of someone who knows NOTHING about mental disorders and wants to remain willfully ignorant.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. If you have one issue, chances are you have another (it is called comorbid.) The chances of having anxiety problems with Asperger's, for example, are so high you basically can expect the two to occur together.

You make a point there. I do wonder though, how is it that some people can doubt others who claim to have a particular or a few disorders or diagnoses. Why won't they believe this people? People get so cautious sometimes.

I don't doubt anyone who tells me what they're dealing with. I always think that if they mention it, it must be something that bothers them. I don't know, maybe it's just hard for me to tell if someone is exaggerating it or not so I always take it as it is. Unless it proves otherwise where their actions contradict their words? Though I haven't seen this so far.

 

[Locke]

What's really idiotic is when pathetic little boys make up disorders and problems because they think it will gain them attention. And when they're called out on it, they become sad and offended because they didn't get away with their little lies.

You make a point there. I do wonder though, how is it that some people can doubt others who claim to have a particular or a few disorders or diagnoses. Why won't they believe this people? People get so cautious sometimes.

I always do my best to find proof before I make such judgments, which I'm always able to do

 

[ladyforsaken]

What's really idiotic is when pathetic little boys make up disorders and problems because they think it will gain them attention. And when they're called out on it, they become sad and offended because they didn't get away with their little lies.

You make a point there. I do wonder though, how is it that some people can doubt others who claim to have a particular or a few disorders or diagnoses. Why won't they believe this people? People get so cautious sometimes.

I always do my best to find proof before I make such judgments, which I'm always able to do

And never did I thought Batman was referring to you, my friend.

I was responding in general and how in the world could that even offend.

Geez. No one can start a ******* thread with their ******* thoughts about something without being attacked because people take it so personally. I understand the nature of this forum, yes. But when people start telling me what I'm ******* doing here is wrong or messed up or ****** up or whatever you wanna call it because I'm speaking my thoughts which I have been rather neutral and fair with so far, I believe.

Damn. I remember why it gets so damn hard for me to start a thread because every time I do see something worthy being discussed on the forum, people start such threads, they get shot down right away.

This is ******* ridiculous.