Honesty?

[Papabear]

I've noticed that this is a common problem in every single facet of our lives, work, play, romance, etc., but where the hell has all the honesty gone?

People are lying to themselves and everyone else on a pretty much constant basis, but why? A true friend will understand the truth and if they wont then they aren't a very good friend, (or you aren't and did something that the friend wont accept).

Of course the biggest problem this lies in is relationships. I've been engaged and in several serious relationships, then I took a break from the dating seen. Just trying to get back into it and I've been involved with 3 women since Christmas. These three women were from different ages, went to different schools, grew up in different home lives, live different lives now, and are pretty much just completely different from each other... they all are liars.

Then i realized that all of my best friends are in serious relationships and the only one that is a good relationship is the only one that is an honest relationship.

Why do we as humans feel it so necessary to lie (I know it's to save face or to avoid the repercussions) when love is so important to our species.

 

[Nyktimos]

Perhaps precisely because love is so important. We grow up learning to lie. We begin needing things from our parents, which they have a responsibility to provide. We later want things from our parents, and learn whether we get them depends on circumstances. Our only way to control how our parents percieve those circumstances is to have our say, which can naturally involve some manipulation of the truth. Maybe, anyway.

 

[Maverick1989]

Im very grateful we have the oppertunity to lie because somethings aren't there for the other to know... if we couldn't lie making friends would be an aweful alot difficult, and to be honest i don't want to know EVERYTHING from someone else.
And I think the main reason people lie because we are scared the other isnt accepting it...

 

[Papabear]

Im very grateful we have the oppertunity to lie because somethings aren't there for the other to know... if we couldn't lie making friends would be an aweful alot difficult, and to be honest i don't want to know EVERYTHING from someone else.
And I think the main reason people lie because we are scared the other isnt accepting it...

If you lie to me, I don't want to be your friend. A real friend will accept the truth... accept that you have faults. If you have things that aren't there for others to know then it's better to say something like "thats not something I want to talk about" than it is to lie.

 

[heretostay]

Nykitoms makes a very good point. on a lot of levels i think lying stems from the need to be loved. my H lied to me in the beginning of our relationship out of a fear of losing my love.

the real question is, are you man enough to admit you have also lied and are imperfect? be careful how high you climb up on your pedestal. the only person you are making judgments on is yourself. you'll put yourself in a cage of denial that is very dangerous. you are also imperfect, we all know you have lied, and the fall will be twice as hard because of the judgement that you mistakenly perceive has been placed on others. you are only putting a harness on your own ability to ask for forgiveness.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

I'd rather be told by someone that they don't want to be around me than hang out with them and make things all akward. But I'm a tad too giving...Always putting everyone else before me...I've lost so much Anyway, like, If I write a song, I want people to tell me if I suck or not, cause if I epically fail, I'm not going to continue. I don't want to be like those people on American Idol tinking they can sing

 

[Papabear]

Nykitoms makes a very good point. on a lot of levels i think lying stems from the need to be loved. my H lied to me in the beginning of our relationship out of a fear of losing my love.

the real question is, are you man enough to admit you have also lied and are imperfect? be careful how high you climb up on your pedestal. the only person you are making judgments on is yourself. you'll put yourself in a cage of denial that is very dangerous. you are also imperfect, we all know you have lied, and the fall will be twice as hard because of the judgement that you mistakenly perceive has been placed on others. you are only putting a harness on your own ability to ask for forgiveness.

You are right, I have lied, the weight of my guilt tore me apart, then when I was finally honest it destroyed my relationship. It hurt at first but I'm a much happier person now because of it, much more content with my life.

Everyone lies, I'm not expecting the human race to suddenly rise above what has been such an integral part of our society since what I imagine was it's beginning.

I make every effort I can to no longer lie and to the best of my memory (and I have a very strong memory) I haven't lied about anything worth a damn since my relationship ended (over three years ago) and may have only lied on unimportant stuff a handful of times.

I'm just curious why everyone feels the need to continue to do it, shouldn't honesty be something we all strive for? The common person I've observed lies almost as much as they tell the truth, that's not healthy for anyone...

 

[heretostay]

and may have only lied on unimportant stuff a handful of times.

i think in most situations, this is why people lie. its stuff one considers unimportant and its just easier in the moment. just like drinking soda and eating junk food.

but in relationships, it comes down to a fear of losing love, i think. i have a secret ive kept from my H for years. i wont ever tell him because he'd flip and itd put a spike in our progress. no sense in ruffling feathers if it isnt necessary. i mean, who wants to fight and go through all that drama? its so much easier to just keep it to myself.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I had to learn how to be honest with myself first before I can honest with everyone else.

The foundation of my recovery is honesty.
No matter how little lies are..they are still lies.
I could no longer live in delusions , denial or lies.

Fear is one of the discussions that get talked about all the time.
Face everything and recover...no matter how painful the truth might me sometimes.
Lies are familar and the path of less reistence...

Just like in the Matrix when Neo was sitting in the car as Trinity
stated to him..."You have a chioce"
You can go back to where you came from...but I don't think you want to.
You know where that will lead to and nothing will change. You can
go back to your comfortzone or delusions, but I don't think you want to.
or you can trust and face the unknown...
In other words accept truth.
It's bascailly a metephor of stoping lying to ourselves and accepting truth.
In truth we learn to accept who we are .
we relize we are so much more than we're capiable of.

Acceptence is a son of a ***** sometimes.
Lies are convients.
My recovery had never been conveint for me.

 

[DakotaDesert]

I've noticed that this is a common problem in every single facet of our lives, work, play, romance, etc., but where the hell has all the honesty gone?

People are lying to themselves and everyone else on a pretty much constant basis, but why? A true friend will understand the truth and if they wont then they aren't a very good friend, (or you aren't and did something that the friend wont accept).

Of course the biggest problem this lies in is relationships. I've been engaged and in several serious relationships, then I took a break from the dating seen. Just trying to get back into it and I've been involved with 3 women since Christmas. These three women were from different ages, went to different schools, grew up in different home lives, live different lives now, and are pretty much just completely different from each other... they all are liars.

Then i realized that all of my best friends are in serious relationships and the only one that is a good relationship is the only one that is an honest relationship.

Why do we as humans feel it so necessary to lie (I know it's to save face or to avoid the repercussions) when love is so important to our species.

Depends on the situation but sometimes, lying is inescapable. If I tell the guy i am with right now that I am in love with him, he would end our relationship right away because he does not want to be involved in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Lying to him, by saying that I like him but I am not in love with him, helps me to keep him in my "life". He feels more confortable and he is nicer and more attentionate toward myself. We have an honest relationship, I mean we do not cheat, but love is forbidden. It might be a stupid reasoning but it works.
Lying because we love is not lying. It is just a way to not hurt the other one.

 

[Nyktimos]

One of my favourite Red Dwarf moments, about lying:

[youtube]oB-NnVpvQ78[/youtube]