House wife happily married thinking

[Lonelybiwoman]

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am Happily stay home mom, of two kids. I do all house work, laundry and cook, faithful to my husband . My thing is I a friend of mine approached me with a situation, had me thinking.

The situation is , She said would it be nice if you had a female best friend that ya'll could talk to about anything, hang out during day with out the kids n husband around , and full around without the husband knowing ya'll did anything or anything going on. Just your friend  n your secret. She doesn't know where to begin to look for that friend. 

Any advice.

 

[user 139760]

and full around without the husband knowing ya'll did anything or anything going on.

Any advice.

Well...I'm not one to judge or immisce myself into the marriage of other people. Suffice it to say, I assume you mean have *** (fool around implies that) with that best friend.
I personally call that cheating. Considering I'm in a marriage and I love my husband (or wife in my case), I wouldn't sleep around.

I personally believe secrets are what destroy lives and cheating the first step to that destruction. Of course, your marriage might be of a different nature and you are a more liberated couple. In that case my advice would be meaningless.
So my advice, as it stands, is don't.
I believe there's a simple rule in life; don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. So you have to ask yourself; how would you feel if you found out one morning that your husband has been fooling around with another man for 10 years and never told you about it?

In the end, though, the decision is yours.

Good day.

 

[Lonelybiwoman]

and full around without the husband knowing ya'll did anything or anything going on.

Any advice.

Well...I'm not one to judge or immisce myself into the marriage of other people. Suffice it to say, I assume you mean have *** (fool around implies that) with that best friend.
I personally call that cheating. Considering I'm in a marriage and I love my husband (or wife in my case), I wouldn't sleep around.

I personally believe secrets are what destroy lives and cheating the first step to that destruction. Of course, your marriage might be of a different nature and you are a more liberated couple. In that case my advice would be meaningless.
So my advice, as it stands, is don't.
I believe there's a simple rule in life; don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. So you have to ask yourself; how would you feel if you found out one morning that your husband has been fooling around with another man for 10 years and never told you about it?

In the end, though, the decision is yours.

Good day.

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

 

[user 139760]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

Well, you can be her friend without jepordizing your own marriage. Everyone has close friends they can depend on for advice or support. But bringning in a physical dimension to it will most assuredly lead to complications in your own. Surely that must be clear.
Are you certain she's being honest with you, that it isn't just a pretense for having a sexual relationship with another women? Your name implies you wouldn't be opposed to the idea, as I imagine she would, but introducing new factors in relationships can cause instability.
I'm old school. Rather black and white to, which causes people who know me no end of incomprehension. If I was in your situation and was approached in this manner, and was interested, for all parties involved, I would propose she leave her husband first, as I would leave mine, before proceeding with the relationship. If either of us, or BOTH of us, were unhappy.
If that is not the case, I would not entertain the notion for a second, because faithfulness in a marriage is to me the purpose of the marriage, it's meaning. The voews are more than words to me, but an idea. I know in 2018, cheating in a marriage happens much more often ,ideas are more liberal. In the end, the choice is yours, but considering how I view the ideals behind it, my stance would remain the same.
In the end, it'll be your decision, but I stand to term to say that you can be a better friend to her by helping her with her problems, instead of allowing hers to create some for you.
You have a decision of your own to make. Add up the pros and cons and the possible outcomes based on each choice.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Cheating is cheating. Doesn't matter how much you try to justify it, if you cheat, you cheat. No amount of reasoning or excuses would make it okay, in my opinion.

If she isn't happy, she should leave. Money, like you said, is definitely not everything. Be her FRIEND, with no benefits.

 

[Lonelybiwoman]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

Well, you can be her friend without jepordizing your own marriage. Everyone has close friends they can depend on for advice or support. But bringning in a physical dimension to it will most assuredly lead to complications in your own. Surely that must be clear.
Are you certain she's being honest with you, that it isn't just a pretense for having a sexual relationship with another women? Your name implies you wouldn't be opposed to the idea, as I imagine she would, but introducing new factors in relationships can cause instability.
I'm old school. Rather black and white to, which causes people who know me no end of incomprehension. If I was in your situation and was approached in this manner, and was interested, for all parties involved, I would propose she leave her husband first, as I would leave mine, before proceeding with the relationship. If either of us, or BOTH of us, were unhappy.
If that is not the case, I would not entertain the notion for a second, because faithfulness in a marriage is to me the purpose of the marriage, it's meaning. The voews are more than words to me, but an idea. I know in 2018, cheating in a marriage happens much more often ,ideas are more liberal. In the end, the choice is yours, but considering how I view the ideals behind it, my stance would remain the same.
In the end, it'll be your decision, but I stand to term to say that you can be a better friend to her by helping her with her problems, instead of allowing hers to create some for you.
You have a decision of your own to make. Add up the pros and cons and the possible outcomes based on each choice.

So are so correct, that why I am only be a friend to her, with boundries

 

[kamya]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

Haha what an asinine comment (not that I'm surprised). Did you miss the part where the OP mentioned *her* contributions to the household?

As for the OP, I see you decided not to pursue an affair with your friend. That's the better choice. Since you mentioned being happily married, there was no point in you possibly jeopardizing your marriage just for some physical fun. If your friend won't be content with you just offering moral/emotional support, that's *her* problem.

 

[kamya]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

Haha what an asinine comment (not that I'm surprised). Did you miss the part where the OP mentioned *her* contributions to the household?

As for the OP, I see you decided not to pursue an affair with your friend. That's the better choice. Since you mentioned being happily married, there was no point in you possibly jeopardizing your marriage just for some physical fun. If your friend won't be content with you just offering moral/emotional support, that's *her* problem.

Hey it's my biggest fan!

Are you referring to the things she mentions doing that normal people do every day already?

Also, why are you so obsessed with me?

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

Haha what an asinine comment (not that I'm surprised). Did you miss the part where the OP mentioned *her* contributions to the household?

As for the OP, I see you decided not to pursue an affair with your friend. That's the better choice. Since you mentioned being happily married, there was no point in you possibly jeopardizing your marriage just for some physical fun. If your friend won't be content with you just offering moral/emotional support, that's *her* problem.

Hey it's my biggest fan!

Are you referring to the things she mentions doing that normal people do every day already?

Also, why are you so obsessed with me?

I barely respond to your comments, though. 
I didn't imply she should be revered for housekeeping. *You*, though, were the one who implied she does nothing but financially drain her husband just because she's a stay-at-home mother. That, at best, is an outdated and regressive outlook.

Also, why are you so obsessed with whining about women on ALL?

 

[user 139760]

I barely respond to your comments, though. 
I didn't imply she should be revered for housekeeping. *You*, though, were the one who implied she does nothing but financially drain her husband just because she's a stay-at-home mother. That, at best, is an outdated and regressive outlook.

Also, why are you so obsessed with whining about women on ALL?

...not that I want to intrude, gentlemen, but Kamya does have a point.
I for one would be very disapointed to discover my wife had these types of reflections and would seriously consider the validity of judgment that pushed me into marrying her. It may be a regressive look, but it does lend itself to the situation.

That being said, we have no idea what the personal situation is. Perhaps she is warranted in her musings. Nevertheless, I wouldn't expect an institution I hold sacred such as a wedding vow to be violated over "boredom". These are subjects that lend themselves to conversations between couples.

Although I do realize cheating is apparently not as big an issues in 2018 as I was always raised to believe it was, if we go about considering the websites aimed sepecifically at married people wanting to cheat. But I digress.

All the facts we have right now is a stay at home mother considering going by behind her husband's back with a female friend. Who apparently stated she had no intention of doing so, but did think about it. So in essence, Kamya's views are not particularly "out there" and may very well be accurate, if considered retrograde.

By that token, "Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it." is actually something worth considering, for all we know. Not exactly a stance reconciling the "lonely housewife" stereotype to the men who will be reading these threads....

 

[kamya]

I   understand you point, very clear. On the other hand, I think she doesn't want to leave her husband because of Finical stability. (Money not everything) Then she stated that , What happens is her and this girl take things futher, make the decision to have a life together. So its a lot of up n downs. She just wanting to find that friend that will be each other back bones, n vent too, explore.

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

Haha what an asinine comment (not that I'm surprised). Did you miss the part where the OP mentioned *her* contributions to the household?

As for the OP, I see you decided not to pursue an affair with your friend. That's the better choice. Since you mentioned being happily married, there was no point in you possibly jeopardizing your marriage just for some physical fun. If your friend won't be content with you just offering moral/emotional support, that's *her* problem.

Hey it's my biggest fan!

Are you referring to the things she mentions doing that normal people do every day already?

Also, why are you so obsessed with me?

I barely respond to your comments, though. 
I didn't imply she should be revered for housekeeping. *You*, though, were the one who implied she does nothing but financially drain her husband just because she's a stay-at-home mother. That, at best, is an outdated and regressive outlook.

Also, why are you so obsessed with whining about women on ALL?

A pretty decent percentage of your most recent posts in any of these topics have been replies to me. You can't really deny that.

It's not a general regressive outlook. In this specific situation it is accurate. Now maybe it's YOUR turn to read where she mentions that she thinks her friend doesn't want to leave her husband because of FINANCIAL stability. 

Also, nowhere in my post is any form of whining about women. Only judgement and sympathy for the husbands. It is clear that you just have a personal issue with me for some reason as you seem to like just saying whatever **** you can to attack me whether it actually applies to the situation or not.

So, now that we've established that you've added nothing of value by addressing my posts specifically, I'm gonna ask you to please get off my ****.

 

[ardour]

OP wants to have an affair with a woman while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself. A really bad idea.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

I think what they are getting at is the whole male thing (sometimes) of "omg, two women going at it, DREAM COME TRUE" kind of crap.  Like it's okay to have your wife screw someone else, as long as it's another woman and he can watch.  

 

[Nicolelt]

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself. A really bad idea.

Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Long story short. If she isn't happy, she needs to leave and if you even considered this, I don't think you are as happy as you say you are.

 

[Sci-Fi]

So... she wants a marriage... 

I feel bad for your husbands. Supporting a couple stay at home moms and this is how they are repaid?   Really trying hard there to break the stereotype that women just see men as walking ATMs. 

Ask your husbands, maybe they'd be ok with it.

Haha what an asinine comment (not that I'm surprised). Did you miss the part where the OP mentioned *her* contributions to the household?

As for the OP, I see you decided not to pursue an affair with your friend. That's the better choice. Since you mentioned being happily married, there was no point in you possibly jeopardizing your marriage just for some physical fun. If your friend won't be content with you just offering moral/emotional support, that's *her* problem.

Hey it's my biggest fan!

Are you referring to the things she mentions doing that normal people do every day already?

Also, why are you so obsessed with me?

I barely respond to your comments, though. 
I didn't imply she should be revered for housekeeping. *You*, though, were the one who implied she does nothing but financially drain her husband just because she's a stay-at-home mother. That, at best, is an outdated and regressive outlook.

Also, why are you so obsessed with whining about women on ALL?

A pretty decent percentage of your most recent posts in any of these topics have been replies to me. You can't really deny that.

It's not a general regressive outlook. In this specific situation it is accurate. Now maybe it's YOUR turn to read where she mentions that she thinks her friend doesn't want to leave her husband because of FINANCIAL stability. 

Also, nowhere in my post is any form of whining about women. Only judgement and sympathy for the husbands. It is clear that you just have a personal issue with me for some reason as you seem to like just saying whatever **** you can to attack me whether it actually applies to the situation or not.

So, now that we've established that you've added nothing of value by addressing my posts specifically, I'm gonna ask you to please get off my ****.

Knock it off both of you, don't start bickering.  Insulting and name calling isn't allowed here.

 

[Wintermute]

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Edit: just to make sure no-one tries to read this into my reply: I don't endorse cheating. People in a relationship should be honest and communicate with each other.

 

[ardour]

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Well then why not argue not being free to **** whoever you want is also denial of self expression.  

He's not compelled to accept an open marriage just because his wife happens to be bi. If she didn't think she could be faithful then she should have have discussed this with him beforehand.

 

[Wintermute]

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have *** with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Well then why not argue not being free to **** whoever you want is also denial of self expression.  

He's not compelled to accept an open marriage just because his wife happens to be bi. If she didn't think she could be faithful then she should have  have discussed this with him beforehand.

Yeah, I agree with that. I read your post as generalizing to all relationships (the "how would you feel" bit) but these are definitely issues one would want to resolve prior to making marital vows.