How do I find single women?

[el Jay]

Ideally I'd like to meet women in their mid or late 20s. But the problem is, I don't.

Recently I realized that one of my issues has been that nowhere I seem to go: school, work, or whatever social event I manage to force myself to go to, seems to ever have single women. Several of my classes the past semesters have had only one girl who's actually single (and who's too busy with her education to bother with a boyfriend). I asked her out and she turned me down, not because I thought we would be a good fit, but because she was literally the only person I could ask out that I knew.

Compare and contrast my friend: never had a girlfriend, barely done anything with one (and that girl, well, she didn't exactly leave him better off). But he's constantly meeting single girls, that he'd actually have an interest in because they have stuff in common. Never follows up, though, hence the whole "never girlfriend" thing.

So how do I actually MEET single women? Especially ones that have similar interests as me? This recurring theme of "every woman I meet is in a relationship" feels like it's poisoning me with fear, anxiety, and loneliness, but it just keeps holding true, time after time. If there ARE single women I'm overlooking then I certainly don't notice them, and they make no effort to be noticed by me. But I generally have pretty bad perception when it comes to reading people like that.

I'm not interested in a one-night **** like I'd find at a club or bar, either (and those are too social for me anyways), and online dating seems to be a cesspit of cowards and hypocrites, at least when it comes to women in my area.

 

[Barbaloot]

Go out with your friend more, since he seems to have no problem meeting single women?

Otherwise it's hard to advise you when we don't know what your interests are.

 

[Cucuboth]

Wish I knew where to meet single women too. When you get in to your mid-30's, it seems to be even more difficult to find any single women ... especially when you already have difficulty in socialising, and starting conversations.

I'd say go out with your friend more. What's the term used today? 'Wingmen'? A friend like that should help you, introduce you to some of the single girls he meets, talk you up a bit. Even if he isn't interested in them himself. Huh. I wish I had a friend like that ....

 

[Lady X]

Online dating can pair you with many a weirdo, but its not all bad.

I met my husband via online dating and would recommend it (carefully) to anyone.

I found the golden rule was to meet up asap. There is no point investing in an online-relationship, and meeting is the only way to properly gauge whether someone is a possible match.

 

[el Jay]

Go out with your friend more, since he seems to have no problem meeting single women?

Otherwise it's hard to advise you when we don't know what your interests are.

He met them all at his community college he's been going to, in his classes.

I'm mainly a gamer, as are pretty much all of my (mostly on the internet) friends. But I've never really known any in real life, aside from at most one friend from time to time. I went to Magfest last week and I had a great time, so it seems like I need to find more people along those lines to have as friends, but I have no idea where to possibly look or how to find anyone.

But that goes for anyone in general, not just gamers.

Wish I knew where to meet single women too. When you get in to your mid-30's, it seems to be even more difficult to find any single women ... especially when you already have difficulty in socialising, and starting conversations.

I'd say go out with your friend more. What's the term used today? 'Wingmen'? A friend like that should help you, introduce you to some of the single girls he meets, talk you up a bit. Even if he isn't interested in them himself. Huh. I wish I had a friend like that ....

My friend and I don't really "go out" together. We're both introverts who do well in social situations, but we prefer staying in and relaxing over hitting a club or a night on the town. Probably doesn't help our chances, but that's who we are. Also doesn't help that his job won't give him many hours which limits his available money to do pretty much anything.

Online dating can pair you with many a weirdo, but its not all bad.

I met my husband via online dating and would recommend it (carefully) to anyone.

I found the golden rule was to meet up asap. There is no point investing in an online-relationship, and meeting is the only way to properly gauge whether someone is a possible match.

I can't even get girls to respond. For every few dozen messages I send, one MIGHT get a reply... once. And I don't boilerplate messages. Most have had something in their profile like "send me a unique message that has some thought in it and I'll reply," but they never do, so they're either cowards (for not even sending a "no" reply), or hypocrites.

The few that I've managed to get a response from drop the convo after one or two other messages. Though even if they didn't, I don't actually have any idea how to suggest meeting up in real life. As in, I literally don't know what to type. I don't know how to phrase it, or be so bold so quickly. I don't want to seem like I'm rushing it by rushing into meeting, only to drive away the extremely few girls who respond more than once.

I'm sure online dating does work for some people, but I'm not one of them. Like so many other things in life, my lot seems to be suffering alone while other people have all the luck.

 

[Iceman1978]

It would be nice to meet women. I haven't dated in nearly 15 years.

 

[Lady X]

The dating site I used was smooch.com

Its free, and has a private chat facility, so if someone is online, rather than an awkward to-fro message relay, you can just chat in a private chat window and see if the conversation flows. If it flows, then its easy to suggest a meet up. If it doesn't then at least you know.

My profile mentioned I was a gamer, a lover of sci fi conventions, sci fi and horror and particularly H.P. Lovecraft. My husband sent me a message about liking HP Lovecraft and I chatted to him for a while and met for a drink the next night.

It can be done, its just a case of finding the right thing to talk about, and shared interests.

 

[hye345]

I can also vouch that it is possible to be successful in online dating. In the past 3 months or so, I've gone out with 4 differnet women through OkCupid (a free site), and one through Match.com. Ironic, if you ask me.... having more success on the free site

Here is the key mindset though: while my ultimate end-goal would be to be in some kind of relationship, I don't date with that aim constantly on the back-burner.

So, while none of these women were my match (or they thought I wasn't theirs), I don't regard the ongoing experience as a failure, nor do I hold anything against those in the latter group. If anything, it was (and is) a learning experience that builds confidence for the future. It sounds like a cynical cliche, but online dating really is a numbers game. All you can do is try to improve your odds.

If you want to try online dating again, I suggest you visit this site, it really helped me out.

http://www.datingadviceguy.com/

 

[theraab]

This would probably be better for a shy girl looking to meet a guy, but you might be able to make some adjustments. Anyway, I was just at Target and I was in the candy aisle and there was a woman about my age holding armfuls of bags of candy, no cart or basket, just in her arms, and she was looking at the candy still on the shelf. While standing there, one of the bags dropped from her arms; I picked it up for her and she said thank you. As I walked away, I thought she was either kind of helpless or had the most brilliant plan for picking up men that didn't involve her saying a word; either way, if I were in the market for someone, it would have been very easy for me to start a conversation with her (with the obvious ice-breaker being about her holding so much candy, or offering to get her a basket, or whatever).

It may be too passive for a guy to use for picking up a girl, but you might be able to tweak it a little bit.

 

[el Jay]

I can also vouch that it is possible to be successful in online dating. In the past 3 months or so, I've gone out with 4 differnet women through OkCupid (a free site), and one through Match.com. Ironic, if you ask me.... having more success on the free site

Here is the key mindset though: while my ultimate end-goal would be to be in some kind of relationship, I don't date with that aim constantly on the back-burner.

So, while none of these women were my match (or they thought I wasn't theirs), I don't regard the ongoing experience as a failure, nor do I hold anything against those in the latter group. If anything, it was (and is) a learning experience that builds confidence for the future. It sounds like a cynical cliche, but online dating really is a numbers game. All you can do is try to improve your odds.

If you want to try online dating again, I suggest you visit this site, it really helped me out.

http://www.datingadviceguy.com/

okcupid is the site I use. Dozens of messages sent and barely any back, and those all went nowhere. The couple of girls who kept going for more than a message completely stopped responding a day or so later anyways.

Though even if one was going well, I have no idea how to move it towards real life, and asking them out and stuff. Doesn't help that I don't really have the courage to believe that they could possibly want to actually meet me. But it never comes to that anyways, even with girls it seems like I'd have a lot in common with.

This would probably be better for a shy girl looking to meet a guy, but you might be able to make some adjustments. Anyway, I was just at Target and I was in the candy aisle and there was a woman about my age holding armfuls of bags of candy, no cart or basket, just in her arms, and she was looking at the candy still on the shelf. While standing there, one of the bags dropped from her arms; I picked it up for her and she said thank you. As I walked away, I thought she was either kind of helpless or was had the most brilliant plan for picking up men that didn't involve her saying a word; either way, if I were in the market for someone, it would have been very easy for me to have start a conversation with her (with the obvious ice-breaker being about her holding so much candy, or offering to get her a basket, or whatever).

It may be too passive for a guy to use for picking up a girl, but you might be able to tweak it a little bit.

I'm not sure how I'd tweak it, and I'd be scared that the girl who fell for it wouldn't be interested in me anyways, or already had someone. Even then, I'd have no idea where to go with it once I pulled it off.

In fact, that's sort of a recurring theme for me... I don't even know HOW to ask women out. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I never learned.

 

[theraab]

I'd be scared that the girl who fell for it wouldn't be interested in me anyways, or already had someone. Even then, I'd have no idea where to go with it once I pulled it off.

Well, you need to come to grips with the fact that some women will turn you down - that's life. That just means you move on to the next woman. Those guys you see that seem to get all the girls - I promise you that they get turned down regularly, they just keep going.

In fact, that's sort of a recurring theme for me... I don't even know HOW to ask women out. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I never learned.

Hope this helps:

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-h...w-do-you-be-with-someone?pid=422603#pid422603

 

[duff]

I'd be scared that the girl who fell for it wouldn't be interested in me anyways, or already had someone. Even then, I'd have no idea where to go with it once I pulled it off.

Well, you need to come to grips with the fact that some women will turn you down - that's life. That just means you move on to the next woman. Those guys you see that seem to get all the girls - I promise you that they get turned down regularly, they just keep going.

In fact, that's sort of a recurring theme for me... I don't even know HOW to ask women out. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I never learned.

Hope this helps:

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-h...w-do-you-be-with-someone?pid=422603#pid422603

I'm 44 and I have asked less than 20 women out on dates. One said 'yes' so my success percentage is 5% roughly.

I asked my brother a few years ago and he said he had never been rejected. He's had dozens of girlfriends.

 

[theraab]

I'm 44 and I have asked less than 20 women out on dates. One said 'yes' so my success percentage is 5% roughly.

I asked my brother a few years ago and he said he had never been rejected. He's had dozens of girlfriends.

Well, between the two of you, you're running a 52.5% average. Seriously, though, congratulations to your brother - I've never met a guy who has never been rejected by a woman.

To the OP, I posted this link in another thread not too long ago, and it is a little bit of tough love that might help:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh...=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=companion

If you don't have time to read it, there is a part where the author points out that instead of asking "how do I get girls to go out with me?" you should be asking "how do I become the kind of guy that girls want to go out with?". Ask yourself what do you have to offer a girl? Don't just say that you're a nice guy and would treat them well - girls have guys being nice to them all the time; what sets you apart? If you don't have an answer for that, maybe you should work on making yourself into someone that women want to date.

 

[duff]

I'm 44 and I have asked less than 20 women out on dates. One said 'yes' so my success percentage is 5% roughly.

I asked my brother a few years ago and he said he had never been rejected. He's had dozens of girlfriends.

Well, between the two of you, you're running a 52.5% average. Seriously, though, congratulations to your brother - I've never met a guy who has never been rejected by a woman.

To the OP, I posted this link in another thread not too long ago, and it is a little bit of tough love that might help:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh...=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=companion

If you don't have time to read it, there is a part where the author points out that instead of asking "how do I get girls to go out with me?" you should be asking "how do I become the kind of guy that girls want to go out with?". Ask yourself what do you have to offer a girl? Don't just say that you're a nice guy and would treat them well - girls have guys being nice to them all the time; what sets you apart? If you don't have an answer for that, maybe you should work on making yourself into someone that women want to date.

lets face facts ! It's extremely hard to meet somebody. Speaking about myself - first of all Ive got to 'meet' a woman first and since I don't go anywhere - that's going to be quite tricky - after that the woman who catches my eye has got to be available - Ive found most nice, charming women my age are going to be either married or in long term relationships. After that the woman has got to be interested in me which is quite a long shot to be honest because I havent got much going for me.

So the chances of me meeting a woman is almost nil.

I could edge things a little in my favour by going out more. But events like 'singles nights' - I am competing against other men who are far more appealing and attractive to women. Dating sites are a big 'no' - waste of time and money.

So basically Ive had it. But I know this so it honestly doesn't bother me.

 

[el Jay]

To the OP, I posted this link in another thread not too long ago, and it is a little bit of tough love that might help:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh...=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=companion

If you don't have time to read it, there is a part where the author points out that instead of asking "how do I get girls to go out with me?" you should be asking "how do I become the kind of guy that girls want to go out with?". Ask yourself what do you have to offer a girl? Don't just say that you're a nice guy and would treat them well - girls have guys being nice to them all the time; what sets you apart? If you don't have an answer for that, maybe you should work on making yourself into someone that women want to date.

To be fair, I never said "how do I get girls to go out with me," I was saying that, despite being someone who could get women to go out with me, I never seem to either find any single women, or if they are around where I actually go to, they're apparently not attracted to me enough for me to notice (and I did mention my perception of other people and ability to read body language is terrible in general).

In fact, recently, my first girlfriend told me I was the best she ever had, in every possible way she could mean that, out of the four guys she's been with in her life, and she's utterly flabbergasted that I can't find another woman. Especially since she ended up liking me enough to make the first move back then.

Not that I can't improve myself, I'm sure, but it's not like I go around thinking I'm perfect and nice and why won't any girl LIKE me.

 

[bodafuko]

Grocery store. They have to eat.