How do you Play?

[Jesse]

*To all the sweet, lovely ladies of A.L.L., I may make some generalizations here. Don't take it personally.*

The relationship game. I don't get it. Why can't it be as easy as, hey, I like you, do you like me? No, it has to be complicated- at least to me it is. You're supposed to be able to read all these body language signs and I just don't get it. You're supposed to be enough of a challenge for a girl that she stays interested, yet also not too much of a challenge or she'll think you don't like her. You're supposed to be all touchy feely with them so they know you like them, but if they don't like you I'm guessing they don't want you doing that.

Then a girl might like you at first, but lose interest. You have to stand on one foot on a circus ball while juggling 3 chainsaws that are on fire to keep their attention.

Why can't I just find a nice female who likes me because I love Smile Empty Soul, 10 Years, and Godsmack? Why can't I find one who likes me because I'm a huge comic book geek? More importantly, why don't women like men who respect their personal space and treat them with dignity?

Why can't I find a woman who will hand me a note saying she likes me, do I like her? Where the hell do I go to find the geeky shy girl who went to see King Kong 3 times at the movies? Do I really have to go to a bar with a game-plan of made up stories and lines to get the girl?

It angers me. I don't wanna play the f*****g game. I don't wanna have to see if her feet are at a 35 degree angle apart from each other to guage her interest. I'm a simple man. I don't want to make fun of a girl to get her to like me. That's what my friend does. He just goes out and starts being a ****. The ladies love it. No, no, definately don't get her flowers. She'll lose all interest. Get her drunk, make fun of her all night and use her for *** then don't call her for a week. Oh then she'll be all over you, but see what her interests are and who she is as a person, decide you like her and tell her that and you'll be lucky if she keeps you around as her friend to tell you about all the guys she likes who take advantage of her.

It's stupid and I won't go out and be a **** to women even if that's what they like these days. I'm not gonna change, not gonna play the game.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If you wanna hit a home run, you gatta swing....which means you gatta play.
You don't have to play dirty...not unless she demans it.

Damn..it would really be nice if Anathaisia would just land on my lap with a bucket of ice cream.
Life would be totally awesume and sweet. She can rub her boodilious body against mine.
I would totally love that...I'm a simple guy. We can make love all day, everyday. Then I can stair into her eyes peircing her soul
and tell her how much I really love her.. Yeah she be my soul mate. We were sent to earth to set the world on fire.

I'll probably have to settle for a pyscho ***** juggling flaming knives riding a unicycle on a live wire with dancing bears.
Life is such a fucken *****.

 

[Jesse]

Hah. Well I'm not gonna play. I'll find someone that's on the same page as me and we'll hit it off. And listen to God Smack's Bad religion.

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya well i'd say the main problem with trying to go about it simply is that ( and i'll vouch for this)
women are f*cking crazy and we won't deny it

and i've heard this from multiple girls "we don't know what we want"

i'm sure that if you asked many women yes they want a nice man that will treat her well be loyal and nice marriage material ect

but if a guy like that and someone like danny from grease tall dark handsome dushbag both walk into a bar
the dushbag is probably going to get most most the female attention and i wish this wasn't so

but this goes back to like early dawn of life of the species where the biological impulses to survive and reproduce werepretty much completely hardwired into our species

and it's like this kind of very deep elusive place in our sub psyche you know the fundimental biological evolutionary why we do what we do

and that back then the most vital person to do it with would be the douchbag because back then being overly aggressive and such was a good thing it meant like the best genes for reproduction survival and testerone ridden muscles to fight off predators

now those traits probably aren't as valubable today as they are now but nature has instilled the drive for females to crave this kind of male sexually

so when thinking logically in the longterm females will want a nice sweet guy that will provide for her and take care of her

but these primitive urges that have helped our species survive for so long and i dunno "so powerful" that it "sweeps females off their feet"

so then they aren't thinking about the long term they aren't really thinking (counsciouness thought i feel is a considerably new trait to us evolutionary speaking)

they just feel the urge or need to get with the stoked hot guy ozzing with masculine power, you know cause those guys seem to have the genes to produce the best and fertile offspring
so they go and have a great fling with the guy, but of course it turns out he isn't long term material (he's got to go out and impregnate more fertile females)

and of course we (females ) hate ourselves for it

ya i know i'm sorry i'm a female i've been exposed to romantic novel/movie/whtvr culture long enough to know this story

it's like the tub of ice cream.. so nummy we can't help ourselves

then of course the next morning when standing on the weight scale we're just like what the hell were we thinking?!?!

but we probably won't learn from our mistakes till we're older


ya i know i'm sorry this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear
i just remembered about this arctile i read on msn; why women love jackasses

and i know it totally sucks evolution/ biology/ nature is a total ***** it's f*cking messed up i don't know why the hell it matters to the divine or to our inner bio psyche why we have to keep making humans and reproducing
i keep thinking what does god give like some kind of reward to the longest surviving species on the planet or something?


the continual strive for existence is beyond my reasons of knowing or real hypothesis making

we are freaking crazy complicated and we read way too much into everything we are not simple sometimes maybe predictable but crazy non the less and our moods are constantly changing our tastes are constantly changing why do you think we own so many different kinds of shoes

what we were into yesterday we're probably over by now

and everyone get's bored of things after a while no matter who you're with or how hot they are eventually the spark will probably fade so make sure you'll still want to be with them once the heat simmers down

actually we learned a little bit about this our psyche class it usually goes from passionate love the ***** music* love
to the more compassionate love to the nice old couple just holding hands and just enjoying being with the other person

i don't really believe or know if anything is really forever

but i guess just be kind, patient and understanding (cause remember we're crazy )

and i sincerely hope that someday you will find someone you love that feels the same way about you
and you too can live a good life together

*hugs*

 

[Jesse]

I understand that pretty much, it's just, it's not who I am. I can't change it, I can only be myself. At least my personality that is. I read somewhere that you either have to lower your standards or hot it up. Lol, well I think you have to hot it up anyway, so I'm working on improving myself in ways. I know some women here like heavy men, but I think the majority like thinner/ more muscular guys so I'm working on that. I'm going to get contacts tomorrow instead of glasses and I think this will help too. I also never used to wear cologne, but I've started doing that as well. I'm trying to get a good clothing style down for myself and hair style and all that great stuff. Hopefully all this will help me, but I'll never go out and be a **** to women. You crazy women

Thanks for hugs *hugs back*

 

[Brian]

You have to stand on one foot on a circus ball while juggling 3 chainsaws that are on fire to keep their attention.

I tried that. Three Stihl 084's, with the 36 inch bars. doused in off-road diesel, aflame as they flew threw the air, triggers taped down and rapped out at full throttle. Skip-tooth chain, even. I was set for an epic performance that, surely, would get me a piece. An orgy, even. Even through the muffler baffles, the din of the saws was deafening. So there I stood, bathed in dim torchlight like a he-beast logger from the deep forest: A burning saw in each hand, and two intoxicated women at my side, ready to set aflame my third saw and place it in my hand at the proper moment.

It started smoothly enough. My gaggle of young, warm bodied womenfolk looked on in amazement as one, two chainsaws flew gracefully through the air, flipping and spinning all the while. I caught them and threw them back up. I grabbed the third from my attendants as they set it aflame, and lobbed it overhead.

Except I can't juggle.

There were horrible screams. One saw flew in to the audience, as if thrown through the forest by my former boss in a fit of rage. Two lovely ladies suffered severe lacerations and burns. Another fell victim to the choice saw of loggers everywhere as it tangled in her hair and gave her a crew cut. The other saws spun wildly overhead in unpredictable patterns. I realized the error of my ways and fled as they crashed to the ground and the gas tanks burst open. Have you ever seen saw gas mix with burning diesel? Well, my audience did.


It was a terrible night. The flames spread to the women's fanciful clothes and a nearby pickup, and then to a decorative blue spruce in a neighbor's yard, and the restaurant down the street as the damned fled in to it seeking solace from their torment; maybe a fire extinguisher. Homes were lost, and the hot breeze thickened with cries of anguish as the fires overtook downtown. The numbers of dead reached the triple digits, and I definitely did not come to possess the hearts of any that night.


Never try it.

 

[Brian]

On another note, having recovered emotionally from the recounting of such dreadful events, I totally hear you. But ev-fan is right.

Nowadays you and I might be the type heading for real success, what with our good attitudes, ability to think at least a couple days ahead, etc. But a shitload of studies have found there's still that strong instinctual response to things that made mates viable in our distant past, and so women latch on to what is actually a failure, usually, because of how he is perceived and what it awakens in their emotional response.

Luckily you and I can walk the line. If we can be confident, funny, etc., and 'take up space' so to speak instead of ceding it to others, we can still trigger some of that response, I think.

You mention 'making fun' of women. I don't think it's so much 'making fun' of, as much as it is just playful teasing, which I've found promotes positive relations between both genders. I kid my friends about stupid little things that don't actually matter between us: A lack in vocabulary (simpler upbringings), or age, or in one case nationality (which was ok, because he was Canadian and made his own Canada jokes as well as America jokes). Similarly I've teased a couple of female friends about their choice of clothing or the cleanliness of their car, and it makes them laugh. I could hazard lots of guesses as to why they like it. Maybe it's just something different? Maybe they see it's funny too? I don't know. Either way, it can be done to get attention without being a ****, I'm thinking.


You're on the right track though with trying to find a good look for yourself and trying to get in better shape. I struggled for years as a teenager and as an adult to find my look. I learned a lot of things:

DOESN'T work for me:
-hair do's, or spiked/gelled hair
-baggy clothes
-'label' clothes like Hurley or Abercrombie dont seem to look good on me
-glasses

DOES work for me:
-Shaved head, about a quarter inch of hair or a little less
-Fitting clothes, or somewhat loose pants
-Solid colors (in a solid blue shirt and a pair of nicer white pants, my sister looked at me in shock and said I should be 'out on a date or something', rofl)
-Suits (whoever you are, you CAN look good in a suit)
-Contacts (definitely get them! They're ten times more convenient, lack the near-point stress of glasses, and you might look better without the frames)

I was also shocked to find I look presentable if I swap my logging boots for....sneakers. Working in the woods and being a volunteer firefighter in a rural area (brush fires), I got so used to wearing those boots that anything else felt weird. And I started looking at them as a thing of pride: hard-built, scuffed up but well-oiled boots....a laborer's badge of honor amongst a horde of people in soft-soled 'skate shoes' and flip-flop sandals. Three inch heel, ten inch shank. For three years I didn't even buy anything else.

Finally I had to buy sneakers, because the gym I had to go to for my college PE credit wouldn't let you wear hard soles. So I did. I slowly came to accept that they suited my above 'look good' criteria and were, well, comfortable. But I still wear boots a lot and probably always will.

And keep exercising. I've been working out more lately to get ready for a job exam, and I'm starting to bulk up a little bit. Comparing myself in the mirror, you can definitely tell what your shirt is hanging off of, and having some muscle looks better than being scrawny, at least for guys like me.

Which brings up another interesting point. I hear tons of girls say they dont like skinny guys, but I've noticed most guys who wear that 'thug/gangsta' fashion (huge pants, long shirt, and [dumb ] hat) are incredibly skinny. I think it lends itself more toward making the clothes look how they're 'supposed' to with that look.

I mean, I still think they're wretched little mouth breathers. But they've found something to play off of, I guess.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What you do is put her on your lap and strap her.
Straddle her in between your legs and plug her in.
Gently lean her back into your body.
Position her to where you're most comfortable.
Put your left hand on her neck, press down hard, yet with grace.
Laid you right hand on her body and stroke her.
Make nice easy even strokes...down..up...down up.
Once you get a hang of her, you can gently tap her G string.
If you hit it just right...she'll scream.
You can use the edge of you palm to rub her knobs and crank her up.
Get a hold of her vibrato and yank on it a couple times or as needed.
Listen to her feed back...you gatta feel her feedback.