how do you progress from general chatting ?

[Triple Bogey]

I talk to loads of women, mostly at work. It's just general chit chat mostly. I have always wondered how to make more progress and move on to asking either for numbers or asking a lady for a coffee. There seems a massive gap between the two and I have no idea what to do.

I don't want to cause offense or embarrassment to any of these women. I know I should socialize more but if I went anywhere I would just sit by myself all night. At work I am a somebody because of the uniform, anywhere else I am a nobody and it is much harder to talk to women.

 

[ringwood]

Personally, I would try and find out if there's a mutual interest in something - obviously, photography comes to mind because you love taking pictures, but I'm sure there lots of ideas...maybe an interest in movies, or theatre, or books, museums, GOLF!!... whatever. Use that interest as a way to invite a lady out - a day at the local park taking pictures, or visit an interesting museum, or golfing together.

 

[Gutted]

The best things happen naturally. If you get on well enough with someone, you wont really need to plan anything even remotely big. Plans will just happen. All you can do is what you already know. Have the courage to invite someone out for something. A film. Dinner. The pub? Whatever

 

[ringwood]

P.S - just speaking from personal experience, I would be much more inclined to go out with someone I didn't know if I knew there was some mutual hobbies/interests that we share...and also, I think just a casual outing takes some of the pressure off as opposed to asking someone for a 'date'...haha, That word ' date' always make me inwardly cringe.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Personally, I would try and find out if there's a mutual interest in something - obviously, photography comes to mind because you love taking pictures, but I'm sure there lots of ideas...maybe an interest in movies, or theatre, or books, museums, GOLF!!... whatever. Use that interest as a way to invite a lady out - a day at the local park taking pictures, or visit an interesting museum, or golfing together.

I am forever talking about my interests to anybody who listens. For example this woman I was talking to this afternoon. I know she likes baking and works Mon to Fri 9 to 5, she knows I play golf and take photo's. But that's it. I can't imagine a scenario were I ask her somewhere. It doesn't seem possible.

---

P.S - just speaking from personal experience, I would be much more inclined to go out with someone I didn't know if I knew there was some mutual hobbies/interests that we share...and also, I think just a casual outing takes some of the pressure off as opposed to asking someone for a 'date'...haha, That word ' date' always make me inwardly cringe.

one thing - the hundreds and hundreds of women I talk to, over the years and not once has any of these conversations ever evolved into anything remotely what you are suggesting. It's never happened. Not customers anyway, (maybe once about 12 years ago but she was a crazy)

 

[GraceBlossom]

Reet feel free to shout at me if you don't like my advice or if I am out of line .

Anyway what I see in almost most things you write about yourself, you write yourself or the situation, or other person off before you give it a chance. This might come across sub consciously in your demeanor and send out the wrong signal, so they might respond not knowingly defensive or closed which doesn't let things progress naturally. Just an idea.......ok shoot me now

 

[ringwood]

Hmmm...maybe you need to work on some good pick-up lines...these?? http://www.allowe.com/games/larry/larry-jokes/worst-pickup-lines.html

NO!!!! I'm kidding!

I don't know...maybe as Gutted said, you just need to be brave and jump out of your comfort zone, stop trying to wait for the perfect scenario to present itself and just ask...

 

[Triple Bogey]

Reet feel free to shout at me if you don't like my advice or if I am out of line .

Anyway what I see in almost most things you write about yourself, you write yourself or the situation, or other person off before you give it a chance. This might come across sub consciously in your demeanor and send out the wrong signal, so they might respond not knowingly defensive or closed which doesn't let things progress naturally. Just an idea.......ok shoot me now

BANG !

kidding

No, it's I can't be confident about something (friendships, relationships, women) when all I have known is failure and rejection. I can't pretend. I think I am been realistic.

I don't think I come across as negative in my demeanor, maybe shy, awkward and nervous. This afternoon when I was talking to that woman, I started messing about with my ear. Just nerves and the fact a member of staff and the manager was watching us.

---

Hmmm...maybe you need to work on some good pick-up lines...these?? http://www.allowe.com/games/larry/larry-jokes/worst-pickup-lines.html

NO!!!! I'm kidding!

I don't know...maybe as Gutted said, you just need to be brave and jump out of your comfort zone, stop trying to wait for the perfect scenario to present itself and just ask...

it takes a lot for me to ask, it always has. But I don't want to sound negative all the time so thanks for the advice.

I don't know some days I think I am a piece of **** and others I think I am wonderful !

 

[lostatsea]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

 

[SofiasMami]

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

Wonderful suggestions, Teresa!

 

[9006]

Find a common interest.

 

[SofiasMami]

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

Wonderful suggestions, Teresa!

Thanks!

-Teresa

 

[Case]

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

Yes, yes, YES!

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

---

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

thanks and nice suggestions. They would probably work for someone else.

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

I'm in the same boat as you. I have average looks, dress very casual, can actually carry on conversations without awkwardness and I never get any interest from the women I communicate with.

However...

Don't consider "going for it" a waste of time because honestly what do you have to lose? Test the waters, see how the conversation is going.
If the conversation is including a lot of personal stories and jokes throw in an interest of yours that she might like. A movie, museum, whatever. If she responds positively then say something like "oh, maybe we should go to a movie sometime" If she accepts that positively then ask for her number or offer yours. On the other hand, if the conversation is strictly professional then you should pass them up.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

I'm in the same boat as you. I have average looks, dress very casual, can actually carry on conversations without awkwardness and I never get any interest from the women I communicate with.

However...

Don't consider "going for it" a waste of time because honestly what do you have to lose? Test the waters, see how the conversation is going.
If the conversation is including a lot of personal stories and jokes throw in an interest of yours that she might like. A movie, museum, whatever. If she responds positively then say something like "oh, maybe we should go to a movie sometime" If she accepts that positively then ask for her number or offer yours. On the other hand, if the conversation is strictly professional then you should pass them up.

in the right circumstances I think I would find asking a woman out quite easy. (If I bumped into them walking in the park for example) but those opportunities never seem to happen.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

---

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

thanks and nice suggestions. They would probably work for someone else.

---

Don't quit before you start.

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

---

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

thanks and nice suggestions. They would probably work for someone else.

---

Don't quit before you start.

-Teresa

---

I will let you know if anything happens

 

[SofiasMami]

Hmm... The gap is so big because there's a connector missing. Try adding flirting in between the general chit chat and asking out. It helps to see if there's any interest and chemistry. The truth is it only takes a person a few minutes to know if they're initially interested in someone. It's the whole basis of speed dating. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with the sexually charged double entendres and over the top pickup lines, but playful flirting is a good place to start.

that's the problem, I never see interest from anybody !
I know I am wasting my time.

---

"Would you like to meet for coffee after work Thursday?"
"Would you like to go see the new Hobbit film?" (Make sure you go to coffee afterwards so you can actually talk
"Would you like to meet for lunch at --- on Saturday?"
"Would you like to go to the zoo on Sunday?"
"I'm going to --- on Saturday to take some photos, would you like to join for some fresh air?"
"There's a new photography exhibit at --- gallery, would you like to join me Saturday afternoon to have a look?"

The more you ask, the more confident you'll get
Try one and let us know how it goes!

-Teresa

thanks and nice suggestions. They would probably work for someone else.

---

Don't quit before you start.

-Teresa

---

I will let you know if anything happens

---

Please do
I'm pretty sure a lot of us are rooting for you

-Teresa