How do you stop missing someone?

[Okiedokes]

In your experience... what keeps you from missing someone or to keep the feeling at a minimum besides "keeping busy". I've heard that one before. I'm not talking about someone who you might have liked more than a friend but feel free to tell me whatever has worked for you.

And it's not that they left or completely stopped talking, but it's at a real minimum now. Before it was at least a few times a week. I'm understanding of it all for real decent reasons. However, it still doesn't take away from still missing how it used to be.

 

[whispers]

for me its giving it time, its the grieving process.

 

[sylvestris lybica]

It depends on the person. I either never miss a person or I miss them all the time. I have no in between or grieving process.

 

[Fvantom]

You dont...you just wait until your feelings dull out

 

[Arsenic Queen]

It's one of the most difficult things to do. One method that works for me when I can't seem to calm down is this one:

I wonder why I focus on just them and can't seem to snap my attention off on anything else. Then ask myself the following questions, either in my head or I write them on paper.

What am I worrying about?
Has my friend given me any reason to think they will never be back?
What are the possible reasons of their absence/delay?
What could be good/valid reasons?
What could be bad reasons?
Has there been any important disagreement or quarrel prior to the last separation?
What impact could it really have?
Has there been any signs of disinterest or hostility from my friend?
Could these "signs of disinterest" or "hostility" be for other reasons than related to me?
What is friend doing at the moment?
How do I feel when I do the kind of activity that my friend is doing?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It depends on the person, Im missing.
How time, energy, emotional bonding I've invest ingo the relationship.
And that thing call love. My brlief about love.

My body actually have a fever.
When it instense like that the best
Thing for me to do is sleep because
I engage in self destructive behaviors
If i don't.

 

[blackdot]

for me, i would need someone to replace the person I am trying to stop missing.
otherwise I will forever be stuck missing them.

 

[Hoffy]

I don't think there is a way, I lost my bestfriend in the whole world and I am just now starting to feel a little better about not having him to talk to everyday. It's been 6 months and I miss him everday, although my heartache is getting better. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Tiina63]

I have been really missing someone for several months now and I have found that actually allowing myself to miss her and to think about her is helping me to get over it a bit. Before, I kept saying to myself 'I must get over this, must keep busy, I shouldn't be so sad, I must stop thinking about her' etc and it didn't work. Then I began to accept that I feel really sad and that I miss her so much, and not fighting it is helping me deal with it.

 

[annik]

When they figure out how to erase people from your memory I'll be first in line.

Until that happens if I ever work out how to stop I'll let you know. You'll know if I do too because you will hear my scream of joy...

 

[jjam]

Maybe it's just me, but I never saw ceasing to miss someone that I had a positive relationship with as an objective. Good friends from my past cross my mind every now and then, and the thought brings a smile to my face. The thought is inspiring.

 

[lazyeagle]

I've been missing my ex-girlfriend since July 2010. The feeling intensified since that time. I thought it was the other way around? Funnily enough I ran into her before Christmas at a joint business lunch with a common client. Prior to that contact was minimal as that's the way she wanted it. Have to say our split wasn't acrimonious, but still 7 years can't just be wiped away?

Anyway at the lunch she was awful to me, patronising and all the things I never expected from a lovely person that she was. She changed and so should I. Still in a way it was a blessing in disguise as I know despite my resentment of her I still love her, but I know that I'm well on to the moving on 'yellow brick road'. Things never stay the same or happen the same way twice; where I'm going with this is that eventually you'll stop thinking about them each and every day, and so time is a great healer-at least I hope so. 2012 means a new focus, so getting out there and meeting new people and indulging in past-times relegated to 'maybe tomorrow' is another way.

I'm also writing my second novel so for me the creative process is a therapy of sorts.

Jay..

 

[Okiedokes]

Thanks to all of your replies, keep em coming if anybody has more to add.

It's easy to say another person could replace, but I don't think people are replaceable. Everybody has their own way to touch a certain part of you is what I feel, but there's always room for another person right next to them. I have lots of slots. Ok...that was gross sounding but you get the picture..lol.

Jjam- you do have a point there... it can be inspiring and I don't think missing someone is bad at all...in fact it's good BUT the pain it can bring is not so nice.

 

[harrywinston]

Don't fight it. The more I try not to think about someone, the more I end up doing! What works for me is to "re-live" the moments I spent with them, and eventually my brain just gets sick of it and my thoughts would drift elsewhere.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Nothing can make you stop missing the person you long to be with. nothing.

I don't care how busy you are, how much escaping you try... fact is, if you truly miss someone, nothing can take the desire away..... except to get beside the person you are missing.

 

[mana]

when I broke up with my last boyfriend I had some bad time. since then it's very hard for me to maintain new relationships. so my advice to you: FIND SOMEONE NEW! fast as you can! this is the only cure.

If for any reason you find it unrealistic just try to think of all the bad things that happened between you to. hence, instead of memorize the "cherished" memories look for what was sucks!

good luck

 

[nerdygirl]

Give yourself time to grieve. I know you said you've heard this before, but being busy helps- it has to be the right kind of busy, though. If you're doing something that allows your mind to wander too much, you will go right back to thinking about that person. Your brain must be kept busy. Also, if there are things you did with that person, it can help to find somebody else to do it with. Then, you can associate that activity with another person (or better, other people).

 

[Pezza]

My best friend is getting put in prison tomorrow, I'm missing him already, but I'll try not to dwell on it. I'll just do the things I did with him with my other friends and try to move on.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

My best friend is getting put in prison tomorrow, I'm missing him already, but I'll try not to dwell on it. I'll just do the things I did with him with my other friends and try to move on.

???

How can you say something like that with such detachment?? What happened?

---

As for "How do you stop missing someone?", find a dealbreaker. Something seriously unattractive about them, something that makes them unsuitable for a possible future with you. Then blow it to maximum proportions and consider it your new definition of them.

 

[Pezza]

My emotions have always been messed up. When I was young I used to think that emotions were for the weak. I've been hiding my emotions for so long now that I don't really care or react about anything anymore, even something like this.

He's being put away for continually breaking the law: drug possession, drug dealing, Grand theft auto, vandalism, violence, many things. But none of them have ever been that serious, despite what they seem. Back in December he took his parents car out for a joy ride in the early hours of the morning on the country roads, we were doing about 90Mph and then hit a sharp corner, went slightly off the road hit the side of a small bridge, rolled twice and then skidded across the road for a few meters on the roof of the car. It wouldn't have been such a big deal if the car hadn't caught fire, but It did and he got arrested.