How many times have you comteplated suicide.

[Winterlong]

many.
but I have to confess, every day the idea is more and more atractive.

 

[opshon]

I wasnt feeling suicidal when i made this post. Just curious.

 

[BlueArtist]

I have contemplated it twice in my life, and every time I got myself through it. I though on what effects it will have on my immediate family and I realised that I love the few people I have in my life to much to put them through it. 2 years ago I met a young woman in her mid 30's 2 months after her husband committed suicide and I saw firsthand what suicide can do to the people around you, even the ones that you think it won't affect, it affects everybody you know. She found him hanging in the garage, he left no explanation. I almost destroyed her; she sat with all the debt since life insurance etc. does not pay out in the case of a suicide. She had to sell their home and their business to cover the debt.

It didn't only affect her and his parents but also his parents in law and her godson who looked up to him as his father even if he didn't live with them. Even now after 2 years when she talk about him there is tears in her eyes, it affected her and everybody's lives around them. She tried a relationship a while ago but when the new guy decided it was too much work he dumped her and now she has even more doubt thinking she is being punished for some reason because she lost 2 men in her life the last 2 years.

Another friend of mine committed suicide 5 months ago, he thought nobody cared about him, the day of his funeral more than 60 people showed up, people flew up from everywhere around the country that have met him online etc to pay their respect. All I can say is really think about what you are about to do, not just to yourself but everybody that have met you in your life, are around you every day and even the ones you think don't care about you.

 

[Winterlong]

I understand your point BlueArtist. as a matter of fact that's what's holding me by the moment. but sometimes you just dont give a ****. I know, suicide it's one of the more selfish things that you can do. besides... at those moments you dont think so much.
for example.
A few months ago a was waiting for a train next to the rails. I was ready, with no doubt about it, so convinced. Just like a zombie. no feelings for anyone or thinking in consequences.
why I didn't do it? because at some moment I heard my phone. It was an sms from a girl who I barely knew. and this sms says something like "I hope you're ok and feeling fine. Take care"
I'm kinda weird, I don't believe in coincidences so I took this sms like a kind of sign. It wasnt because someone was thinking about me, or my family etc.
At that moment everyone could go and **** themselves.

But... it's weird. Almost all my life I've been contemplating suicide (always) but since a year ago it's different. it's like when you're hungry, or when you feel the need to smoke. it's a big tempation or need. for example today I was looking through this open window, and this feeling... like having in front of me my favorite ice cream in a really ******* hot day. and all you have to do is grab it and enjoy it. and it's stronger everyday.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Today (also).

 

[Weakness-]

Before, not that much. I'd think about it every once in a while.
Now it's almost like a casual thing to think about. I even have different plans of action if and when I decide to go through with it.

 

[thalassa]

How could you put a number to something like that? For me it's been a thought which has been more or less to the foreground for ten years straight now. Some days would have been spent just wanting to die so intensely for every waking minute. I can't say it's a strong thought right now, but I do feel that I don't wan't to live, that this life I'm leading is not worth it without wanting to actually take my life at the moment.

 

[Ak5]

It's weird how we think about it as a solution to our problems. The pain must be too much.

Suicide is never justified, it is not the solution. All we gotta do is continue surviving and do our best to feel better. At the end of the day, we're all lucky to be alive.

 

[Winterlong]

It's weird how we think about it as a solution to our problems. The pain must be too much.

Suicide is never justified, it is not the solution. All we gotta do is continue surviving and do our best to feel better. At the end of the day, we're all lucky to be alive.

I dont think that suicide could be a solution, but...
I believe that I'm wasting oxygen and space.

 

[Ak5]

Honestly, I've never felt that so I can't really "understand" what you feel. But anyway, there is enough oxygen and space for a long time.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've contemplated it often, and attempted it once (and was hospitalized for it.)

I am past that, though. Even when I think about it now, it's just in passing. I want to live!

 

[shells]

I believe that I'm wasting oxygen and space.

I can relate...

 

[In a lonely place]

I think that life/people/relationships can be SO complicated that sometimes a simple way out seems attractive.

 

[Serge]

It's been 4 months since the last time. During that time, it was everyday..all day.

I fought it by telling myself 2 things;

1. There will be another.
2. I will not give this world the satisfaction of not having me around.

 

[Darkness]

Pretty much everyday!

 

[Happy To Be]

Far too many times, once it went past contemplation.
However, nowadays, when that feeling rises up again something deep inside of me tells me that tomorrow will be brighter if I just hold on tight, if I just get through this feeling, it will pass. And no problem, no issue, no person, no sadness is worth annihilating my existence. And I just hold on tight.

 

[Knight]

A couple dozen times. Last time was tonight, the 3 before were last week.

 

[Ak5]

A couple dozen times. Last time was tonight, the 3 before were last week.

You'll feel better tomorrow.

 

[Legato]

I've tried numerous times, think about it quite often.

The only thing keeping me alive is knowing the pain it'd cause my family.

No Sister/Brother/Mother/Father deserves to lose their son/daughter/brother/sister

 

[innerfyre]

About a year ago, I was at home feeling pretty depressed one night and was pretty much ready to give up on life. I had started drinking ... straight vodka...just started downing it... I was through half a .40 in under 20 minutes when I passed out. I woke up the next morning in the hospital, that was the night I had tried to kill myself. I dont think my parents realised I was drinking as much as I could as fast as I could to kill myself and thought I had just consumed way too much on a whim. Being a type 1 diabetic, and after that night I found out that I was allergic to vodka, that had exponentiated the problem. It had taken 3 cops to get me on the ambulance gourney, I was violent, I was spitting and swearing at the cops, and I was in horrible condition apparently. After that night, I switched to weed and am glad as I feel happy when high instead of really sad when drunk.

I have contemplated suicide a couple times, but have come back from the edge and apart from the incident above....not too sure how close I will get to it in the future. Yes, like many I feel like the thing holding me back is the hope that there is something better in this world and that I myself will find purpose in life eventually (I still feel like a wandering lost soul).