How to deal with the fact that I will always be alone?

[AndreyAlex]

I am 27 years old, I never had a gf, I don't have any friends and I am unable to socialize with anyone. I do have a 

job, but it doesn't require any team work, so I can do it without mostly talking to anyone. Just normal greeting as 

I come to work is all that's needed ( I chose this type of job because of my inability to talk to people).


At this age, I have to accept that I am missing something to make anyone like me in any way. I don't know what it 

is, but I am constantly ignored, with people even leaving and ignoring me halfway through a conversation. That 

happens A LOT, we just talk about something, and they just get up and leave. Now you can tell me that those people 

are rude anyway, and while that may be true, not only do many people that are nice to others do that, but those that 

don't do it, still ignore me, just that they aren't as rude about it.


The point is, I am completely unlikable for whatever reason, maybe because I am slow mentally and I am always 

confused because I don't understand what people want and just stay there not knowing what to do or say, maybe it's 

because I am awkward, I dont know, but it's how it is.


I have come to accept that I will never have friends or a gf, that things that are perfectly normal to the vast 

majority of people out there will always be out of my reach.
But I wish that my need for bonding or love would just go away and I don't know how to do to just get rid of that. I 

have my happy place at home, with videogame consoles, a nice TV, music and all that. And generally that was enough 

to make me happy. I would come back after a long day of being nervous or maybe even doing something humiliating, and 

I would have my games or movies to keep me company. Regardless of how people treat me in real life or how stupid I 

look for whatever reason, when I'm in my apartment no one judges me and I can be relaxed and enjoy myself.


The problem is that lately that is not always enough anymore and that worries me, because if I don't find this 

enough and I keep wanting human connection and *** and all that, then I will be very miserable since all those 

things are impossible for me to achieve.
Fortunately my so-called longing for this stuff is not permanent, I still have many days when I am fine doing what 

I'm doing, especially in the mornings, when I wake up, make myself breakfast and coffee, and watch an episode of 

Stargate SG-1 which I haven't seen in a long time, so going thru the series again is like watching it for the first 

time.


Basically I think what bothers me is the fact that my natural instincts of human interaction are making me very 

depressed sometimes, and I wish they would just stop. I understand why they are there, because we are supposed to be 

social creatures, that have friends, love and stuff like that. But since I am incapable of any of that, they just 

end up hurting me.
I wish I would find a way to just never care about that stuff anymore.

 

[constant stranger]

"..I am unable to socialize.." "..I am missing something.." "..completely unlikable.." "..I will never have friends.." "..always out of my reach.." "..impossible for me to achieve.." "..I am incapable of any of that.."

There seems to be a recurring theme here. The notion of self fulfilling prophecy comes to mind. You have my sympathy AndreyAlex but it occurs to me that you may be your own worst enemy.

But I'm glad you're here and I'd like to hear more from you.

 

[MikeyLE80]

Can you find some place to socialize where everybody has something in common already?

The one thing I have found like this helps me a little.

It's tough to go from knowing nothing to finding common ground.

 

[Ghost77]

Hello AndreyAlex. A very sad post. You have my sympathy for whatever that's worth. You say you like video games. Do you play any online games, especially the ones that have voice chat? Do you talk to people on there and if so is it different from the conversations you have in real life? Do the other players ignore you?

PS I also use video games and TV to keep myself entertained but I know what you mean when you say it's not enough.

 

[Jafo]

I don't blame you for not wanting to socialize. People suck.

 

[Ug2018]

I feel the same way as you

 

[ardour]

Depressing and relatable.

 

[DarkSelene]

Do you really want a way to not care? There's no solution to your problem, sometimes you'll feel blessed and sometimes you'll feel lonely as ****... I guess you could just keep doing what you're doing but add a session of hope killing to it. And skyrim! haha

I'm sorry about this, you seem chill and that's cool. Do you think that online friendships would be enough? it's easier then because people can't see how awkward you are...

 

[Azariah]

You're not alone man! you're here. in a forum filled with alone people. you're just a bit dramatic maybe.

 

[HorseLatitudes]

Im not going to give you an advice to improve your social skills and become "likeable" or anything, but maybe knowing that you can have a good life without worrying about somebody else caing about you will help, you do can have friends even if you dont talk, when we are young we dont have time to know people that's why people leave conversations and move on so fast, but once you get older you start to enjoy just sharing space and silence with somebody else no matter how that person is, my dad used to be friend with a neighbour that he used to hate in highschool when they were young but as they got old and their lifes settled down they beggin to accept each other by sitting in the front yard sharing a beer and briefly talking about random topics, about a family, you can alway adopt, of course im not telling you that you should addopt in order to not being lonely, that would be selfish and dangerous, but if in some point of yout life you feel that you can help and give some love to another person and you are both mentally and financually capable of then you can try addoption, and of course having a lot of pets will help you out to not feel so lonely all the time, also love your family if you have any feel grateful for them, it sucks not having someone special to love you and not having friends that will care for you but you can still have a life beyonds that

 

[andyhoang]

To some point I can relate. Sometime I just don't want to talk to people, anyone, but the other times, I just crave interaction, I don't know, I'm not a shy person.

 

[Tranquil]

People are basically only interested in their own interests/investments.
If you talk about something not interesting to them, or has no investment for them, they quickly get bored.

So, in a way, it can be seen as a blessing to not be exploited. But at the same time, your own exploitations get shutdown as well.
Truth certainly is a double-edged sword.

 

[soccer7]

hi Andrew, it seems you've given up hope on trying to improve yourself, to figure why people are walking away from you, or why you think they don't like you. Perhaps you think that ignoring your feelings for connection and depression and distracting yourself with video games and tv series will be enough. But the longer you go on without connecting to people the worst you will feel in the end.

we are social creatures and long for affection and acknowledgement. It is a need and should not be ignored. life is tough, and even unfair, but you should never give up on trying to get what you want and what you need to live a happy fulfilling life.

If you want people to talk to you and like you more, then you must make an effort to change the way you think about yourself and your goals. You should believe in yourself and try to become the best version of you. Improve your health and fitness, aim for better jobs and find a career your passionate about. Stop sleeping in and eating junk foods, work out more, play less video games and instead read more, a great book to start is one of the most popular, by Dale Carnegie on "How to win friends and influence people". Find a job or hobby that involves talking to people and working in a team so you can have the opportunity to learn how to talk to people more effectively.

Like i said its not going to be easy, but in the end it will all be worth it for you, and you can look back and say "dam i'm so proud of myself, i struggled through all that pain and despite all the difficulties and changes i had to make, here i am, with my girlfriend's head on my shoulder"
isn't that something worth fighting for?

please don't give up and try to take the easy way out, your longing for closeness won't go away, and the longer you try to ignore it the harder and worst it will become for you, and you will suffer the pain of regret.
your choice : suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.

---

i recommend you watch this short video:

 

[clover4you]

I know how you feel about people getting up and leaving or just not being interested. sometimes i think to myself "do i have a disease that everyone can see  but me?" it's like people see me and think "run away!" I honestly don't know how to deal with the feeling of always being alone but i completely feel like i'm in the same boat. it makes me sad and angry all the same time and i feel miserable 90% of my life

 

[Lonelynomad]

I know how you feel about people getting up and leaving or just not being interested. sometimes i think to myself "do i have a disease that everyone can see  but me?" it's like people see me and think "run away!" I honestly don't know how to deal with the feeling of always being alone but i completely feel like i'm in the same boat. it makes me sad and angry all the same time and i feel miserable 90% of my life

I feel you on that. The misery feeling hurts day in and day out. I'm the same way.

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

I feel EXACTLY the same. Ive had one gf which i was lucky to have in the first place and never had one again. Ill probably never get one. Its really getting on my nerves and is driving me insane. Sometimes it makes me feel like I just wanna punch a hole in the wall or something.

 

[Saulgoodmanfan]

For me I can't deal with the fact. The only way out is to stop being lonely which is a billion times easier said than done.